graci

Well, i made a huge mistake yesterday. I discovered that my Abf who is in prison had a myspace acct. he never had one before, so I started with the playing detective on his computer. I really didnt find anything at all. I was literally shaking as I was doing this to myself.. Then it brought up feelings about wheter he cheated on me or not. On of his friends that he got arrested with had told me that he did. I had promised myself that I wasent even going to bring it up with him, he is 2000 miles away in prison and really what would have been the point? To make him feel guilty for something he may have done while all messed up? It is mine to deal with if he did or not, my decision to make if I want to forgive or not. So I got all anxious and brought it up and told him what his friend told me. He denied it but cmon really, I mean if he did it , did I really expect him to jump up and say yeah i did that. I know if he did and realized it was a huge mistake he would never say anything to me because he would be sooo afraid of losing me. So I caused myself alot of anxiety and stress for what/ I had already told myself that if he had while all messed up that I could forgive him one time because I know alot of what happens while messed up is the disease and the drug. It was something I didnt want to bring up until I saw tht he was working a program, out of jail and something that we could talk about with a counselor. I immediatly told him that to forget about what i said that I never should have brought it up and it was my fault for causing my own anxiety by playing detective again. I absolutely hate myself when I do that, and feel so much better when I just let things take their course. No excuses, yes if he cheated its bad, but I think the cheating he has been doing with the drugs is much worse than a 1 night stand. Ive thought alot about it. I feel so much better whn I dont play detective and I hate feeling anxious.. OK back onto the horse now..:puppet

hope213

don't beat yourself up about this. you did it & still don't have an answer. you are right he would not tell you the truth if he had cheated.let it go.

lightquest

good for you! get back up on the wagon......it's inspiring to when I hear you struggling with the same stuff I struggle with.

That happened to me once. My ABF gave me his old computer and hadn't cleaned off any of his files. I "accidentally" found a whole file of photos of his last girlfriend - who looked exactly like me only 10 years younger and 20lbs thinner - ouch. No more detective work for me!