nytepassion

The only way I know how to explain why I still come to place like SR or try to help others (after the fact of going on with my own life apart from my ex) is this way

There is a fire .. I see it .. the house is burning .. there is smoke everywhere ... the people in the house can't see to find their way out .. they try, but are lost, scared and confused .. I have been in this situation before and I know the way out.. I can guide them through the maze to a place where they get help for the smoke inhalation a place to breath/rest and have a moment to think clear their head out. To get people to safe ground before the house burns down with everyone in it.

Because when you are in it .. You can't see that house is literally catching on fire and the whole place is gonna burn down with you in it. As an outside or a passerby I can see ... I've been there before so I can throw you life-savers, tools, and knowledge that you can use as a guide to make your way out to safety.

I know all too well how hot the flames of living with an addict get... I know all to well what it feels like to be blinded by the smoke and to be clueless as to which way is the way to safe ground. I know all to well what it feels like to get burned ... and I know what it feels like to appreciate someone who'd been there before me stepping up and helping me get to safe ground (allowing me the time I needed to clear my head out and make healthy decisions for my life) She couldn't do it for me, but she showed me the way (a gift that keeps on giving)

I'm forever grateful
Passion

(I hope that make sense LOL)

ihatethis

(((happy soul))) you probably don't remember me, but you posted to my first thread and you're one of the few I remember vividly. Thank you. I posted for the first time in September and stopped until a couple months ago. I don't know what the hell I'm doing. I just know that I need support and my family can't do that for me. Well my sister can, but thats the only person other than all of you that I even mention my addict to. I have been reading without posting and I was afraid that I would never feel ok again. That's why I started this thread. I want to have a time when I never have that heaviness in my chest and I......................... I don't know how to put it into words. I love my addict and I'm not ready to stop or give up hope. I wish I wanted to. I want to kill it. I want to kill that part that still want everything to be perfect. He's the only man that's ever gotten to me. Sure I've had other relationships, but none that I couldn't walk away from without second thought. And he has worked so hard... I knew he would relapse. I saw it coming. We talked about it and he was afraid too. We both knew he was lying to himself, but I can't take the journey for him. So I let go and let him take his lumps. But in my heart I know he will recover. I just hope I still care then.

I know I just mention happy soul, but I remember everyone that posted to my first post and I thank you all.