hurting for my parents
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: phoenix arizona
Posts: 741
hurting for my parents
My addict sister called my parents. Wanted to come home, didn't have a place to stay anymore, etc. Dad said she could come home, but reiterated the rules to follow. The abf can't come with her and she has to be serious about wanting to get clean. She was crying and I really think just trying to break my dad down so he would give in and let both of them come to my parents. Dad continued to say no and they ended up getting into a fight on the phone and my sister hung up on him.
My dad is trying to be strong on the outside, but this has to be affecting him more so than ever now.
I only know this because I had called to just say hi to my mom like I do most nights and see how my niece is doing. It hurts so much to hear my dad in pain, but I know he's doing the right thing by not letting my sister come back under her terms. She'd end up coming back, disrupting the household, get angry with my parents and then take off again.
Again, I hope she stays safe tonight and pray my parents will continue to have strength with keeping their boundaries.
My dad is trying to be strong on the outside, but this has to be affecting him more so than ever now.
I only know this because I had called to just say hi to my mom like I do most nights and see how my niece is doing. It hurts so much to hear my dad in pain, but I know he's doing the right thing by not letting my sister come back under her terms. She'd end up coming back, disrupting the household, get angry with my parents and then take off again.
Again, I hope she stays safe tonight and pray my parents will continue to have strength with keeping their boundaries.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I know how hard this is for your dad, but he really is doing the right thing. It just hurts to watch our loved ones destroy themselves.
I know it hurts you too, plus you have to deal with your parent's pain also, and the best thing is to just keep taking care of yourself.
Sending hugs and prayers for all of you, and special prayers for your sister.
Hugs
I know it hurts you too, plus you have to deal with your parent's pain also, and the best thing is to just keep taking care of yourself.
Sending hugs and prayers for all of you, and special prayers for your sister.
Hugs
rozied
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: PA, USA
Posts: 1,292
I have a 41 yr old son thats addicted. My son keeps doing to my parents what your sister does to yours. My parents are 87 & I know how hard it is for you to see what she is doing. I also think after 20 yrs of this that my parents are finally strong enough to say no.
I will keep your family in my prayers.
Love,
Diane
I will keep your family in my prayers.
Love,
Diane
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: homebased
Posts: 408
MY heart goes out to your parents...
I assume the niece you refer to is your sister's child...if so, your parents are taking care of your sister in the very best way they can....by caring for her child
I too am a parent of an addict and I know all too well the pain your dad is feeling...I hope knowing that he is nurturing and protecting his grandchild will help comfort him
I pray your sister finds the strength to begin her journey to recovery...I know how difficult her road will be
my prayers for all who suffer with the pain caused by addiction
I assume the niece you refer to is your sister's child...if so, your parents are taking care of your sister in the very best way they can....by caring for her child
I too am a parent of an addict and I know all too well the pain your dad is feeling...I hope knowing that he is nurturing and protecting his grandchild will help comfort him
I pray your sister finds the strength to begin her journey to recovery...I know how difficult her road will be
my prayers for all who suffer with the pain caused by addiction
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
i know it is hard on your dad to tell his daughter no but he is doing the right thing for everybody.your sister like all addicts will find a place to land & use.it will not stop until she is ready. i am sorry you & your family are going thru this.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: dallas texas
Posts: 1,629
I know how your parents (dad) feels, I am one of the parents too! He is doing the only thing he can to help your sister, his daughter and it hurts like hell. He cant fix it, didn't cause it and loves her more than life. :codiepolice
He is very lucky to have a daughter like you who can have empathy and such caring love for them. My son has none, the best thing he can do is say nothing at all! Hat's off to you and prayers for your parents and sister. I hope she finds her way soon!
susan
He is very lucky to have a daughter like you who can have empathy and such caring love for them. My son has none, the best thing he can do is say nothing at all! Hat's off to you and prayers for your parents and sister. I hope she finds her way soon!
susan
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
aztchr,
It does hurt our hearts to turn our addicts away, and sometimes, when we do the right thing, our imaginations run away with awful thoughts of what could happen because we didn't intervene.
But just knowing we are doing the right thing, that may lead our sons or daughters to recovery is enough (for me) to continue NOT to enable.
Hugs to your parents,
prayers that your sister finds a better way...
It does hurt our hearts to turn our addicts away, and sometimes, when we do the right thing, our imaginations run away with awful thoughts of what could happen because we didn't intervene.
But just knowing we are doing the right thing, that may lead our sons or daughters to recovery is enough (for me) to continue NOT to enable.
Hugs to your parents,
prayers that your sister finds a better way...
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
A wise wise woman here has told me more than once that I need to stay in the moment and quit Awfulizing. Another one has said that we can actually love someone to death but not allowing that person to face and experience his own consequences.
Your parents will learn, as will your sister. It's not so fun to have an upfront seat to the drama... but you seem to have enough recovery to be able to detach lovingly from your family members and take care of YOU.
Big Hugs
Cats
Your parents will learn, as will your sister. It's not so fun to have an upfront seat to the drama... but you seem to have enough recovery to be able to detach lovingly from your family members and take care of YOU.
Big Hugs
Cats
Power is not having to respond
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
I know first hand how much it hurts to tell your child no.
He will find the peace and the strength to stay strong.
The main thing is, like you said, he won't have that chaos in his home.
He will find the peace and the strength to stay strong.
The main thing is, like you said, he won't have that chaos in his home.
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Keeping you all in my prayers. It hurts to see how much addiction hurts those you love, doesn't it? I'm glad you have recovery tools and can help your folks see that their actions are best for all. You are obviously a very caring sister, daughter and woman. Hugs
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