nicole5353

tomorrow's my birthday and i'm going to spend the weekend with a girlfriend in austin. this happens to be the city that my "lost" one has moved to. i haven't been able to contact him via phone or e-mail, but i DO have a last known address.....i was thinking about stopping by. just to tell him that i shouldn't have handled things the way that i did, that i'm sorry for my role in all of this. is this still trying to get him to love me or is this a valid form of closure? i'm already starting to feel resentful for thinking about going through the trouble when he hasn't contacted me at all. and i know this feeling will grow if i don't get any kind of contact from him on my birthday. although it might help me realize that i really don't matter when drugs are in the equation, it will also make me worry more that something has happened to him. please don't tell me only i can decide that - i can't trust ANY of my decisions when it comes to him. omg, i am SO codependent.

Spiritual Seeker

Sometimes the best answer is to Let Go
It takes time for our thinking to snap back to independence.
If the phone doesn't ring you know it is him...so to speak
Go have a fab time as girlfriends can do in a fab city. Don't spoil it
by obsessing and hunting him down. Count your many blessings and Look hot when you go out on the town. Wear something that makes you feel marvelous.
Try not to mention his name the whole weekend..

Impurrfect

Nicole -

I just had to take my dad to buy a van in the town where my XABF is. I purposely did NOT go looking for him. I know if I did, it would be because I want to hear him say he's miserable without me. I also know, he's not going to say it 'cause he's perfectly happy getting high. And even if he DID say it, it won't change anything because we want 2 totally different things - he wants to get high, I want a LIFE!! One day, I'll stop wanting to hear it from him that what we had together meant something to him, but I'm not there yet.

While I haven't figured out how to stop having the same thoughts you're having, I have learned that I don't have to ACT on those feelings. Now, I can go weeks without having those feelings, so it does get better.

I agree with Spiritual Seeker - go and have a great time!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

BrokenBridges24

Hi Nicole,

I so agree with these fine ladies. Go and have a nice time.

Ann

Ditto to all of the above. If he wanted to be found, you would know where he is. I think you are setting yourself up for a big letdown if you try to find him....and it's your birthday and your girlfriend and you can have fun and celebrate and make it a happy day.

Happy Birthday!! May this coming year bring you wonderful new beginnings!!

:day1 :day :day2

splendra

(((((nicole))))

Normally I do not do birthdays... I have a lot of personal issues about them. For you I am going to make an exception and wish you a very happy birthday with your friends.
You deserve to have a good time and i hope you will go for the fun.

Life is short and it is made shorter by addiction don't let it rob you of your life. His stuff is not your fault you absolutely have nothing to feel guilty about. You did not make him use or go on binges. Be gentle with yourself have fun with your friends.

I know how you feel you are wounded and it feels like seeing him, being with him, and hearing his voice will make the pain better. As long as he is using he will continue to hurt you. He is probably doing you the only kindness he can afford you by staying away from you. I think every addict knows that they hurt others. For your sake as well as his don't hunt him down.

Let yourself heal love yourself...

hopeforever

8 7 :day4 : happy birthsday!! makeurself a pesent and foget about all the pain,, about all thetings that botheru behind.. make urslf feel special becouse u are!!!
justlet itgo.. time will heal... dont take urself back to pain.
happybirthsday

Wascally Wabbit

6
Happy Birthday!
Now as for your "lost" one.
What do you expect will happen if you call? Will it bring you goodness into your life?
If not, stay away.
If yes go for it.