when I sent the groceries............
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: in the south
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when I sent the groceries............
Friends,
I sent the groceries by my brother for my son. For reasons too convuluted to explain here my son and I have not seen each other since early June. His counselor says he (meaning my son) and I both have a phone. I've never met this counselor and I don't know if he's even been told what we, as parents, have been through. My son and his wife have been seperated all this time and the counselor told the wife to present a plan for my son to come back or not and do it soon as they are living in limbo.
My son has been sleeping on a small mattress on the floor of an AA member's home all this time. He pays $60.00 a week rent to him. My mom said she is tired of hearing about him having to sleep on the floor while the wife is in a three bedroom home completely paid for by my son. My mom says she is making him her "lacky boy" just keeping him hanging. So right now I am trying to tell my mom that maybe it won't be much longer but she is just furious. She is 86 and said either way make a decision and move on one way or the other.
Is there anything helpful I could say to her? My son told my brother that the groceries were greatly appreciated and he did need them very much. He said he might call me but I won't hold my breath. I've learned long ago not to expect much and the funny thing is I feel like I was a good mom but somewhere along the line he detached from me and I just don't believe its ground that can now be made up. My dh says son was never very loving to me as a mom so I guess I am sad about losing something I never really had. I've definitely been used, lied to, stolen from ,taken to the cleaners regarding $$$ but I still wish I could have a relationship with him.
My dh and I have been married 26 years and my son was six when we married. My dh was wonderful to my son. He did everything for him from teaching him how to throw a curve ball to how to shave when the time came. We sent him to get a good college education but it took three different universities for him to finally graduate and get the diploma. He went into the family business and for several years we thought things were fine. We never ever suspected he had a drug problem but then he got married and the pressure of being married and everything he just could not keep it under wraps anymore. Then everything unraveled. We have gone through two rehabs and three seious binges with him and each time we never get an apology much less the truth of how all this started. But I did make the decision to get the food with no string attached. If I would do that for a hungry stranger then why not my son? I just don't see since I've been used to such an extent by him why it is so important to want this relationship. It probably doesn't make sense to any of you but at least I've put it into words.............my thanks, dixie
I sent the groceries by my brother for my son. For reasons too convuluted to explain here my son and I have not seen each other since early June. His counselor says he (meaning my son) and I both have a phone. I've never met this counselor and I don't know if he's even been told what we, as parents, have been through. My son and his wife have been seperated all this time and the counselor told the wife to present a plan for my son to come back or not and do it soon as they are living in limbo.
My son has been sleeping on a small mattress on the floor of an AA member's home all this time. He pays $60.00 a week rent to him. My mom said she is tired of hearing about him having to sleep on the floor while the wife is in a three bedroom home completely paid for by my son. My mom says she is making him her "lacky boy" just keeping him hanging. So right now I am trying to tell my mom that maybe it won't be much longer but she is just furious. She is 86 and said either way make a decision and move on one way or the other.
Is there anything helpful I could say to her? My son told my brother that the groceries were greatly appreciated and he did need them very much. He said he might call me but I won't hold my breath. I've learned long ago not to expect much and the funny thing is I feel like I was a good mom but somewhere along the line he detached from me and I just don't believe its ground that can now be made up. My dh says son was never very loving to me as a mom so I guess I am sad about losing something I never really had. I've definitely been used, lied to, stolen from ,taken to the cleaners regarding $$$ but I still wish I could have a relationship with him.
My dh and I have been married 26 years and my son was six when we married. My dh was wonderful to my son. He did everything for him from teaching him how to throw a curve ball to how to shave when the time came. We sent him to get a good college education but it took three different universities for him to finally graduate and get the diploma. He went into the family business and for several years we thought things were fine. We never ever suspected he had a drug problem but then he got married and the pressure of being married and everything he just could not keep it under wraps anymore. Then everything unraveled. We have gone through two rehabs and three seious binges with him and each time we never get an apology much less the truth of how all this started. But I did make the decision to get the food with no string attached. If I would do that for a hungry stranger then why not my son? I just don't see since I've been used to such an extent by him why it is so important to want this relationship. It probably doesn't make sense to any of you but at least I've put it into words.............my thanks, dixie
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: NJ
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(((Dixie))
I can really relate to what you are saying. My kids treated me the same way, I have not seen my daughter in 4 years and son in 2. I also wish I would hear from them. We want a relationship with them since they are our children, and we love them. We might not always like them but we always love them. I hurt everyday for what I never had with them, LOVE or RESPECT. You will never get the answer to why he turned to drugs, but it would be nice to hear the 3 words we all want to hear, " I AM SORRY"
You have helped me alot in the past and I hope this helps you see you are not alone in this. Please feel free to PM me if you want to talk, I really do know how you feel.
Sending you hugs,
I can really relate to what you are saying. My kids treated me the same way, I have not seen my daughter in 4 years and son in 2. I also wish I would hear from them. We want a relationship with them since they are our children, and we love them. We might not always like them but we always love them. I hurt everyday for what I never had with them, LOVE or RESPECT. You will never get the answer to why he turned to drugs, but it would be nice to hear the 3 words we all want to hear, " I AM SORRY"
You have helped me alot in the past and I hope this helps you see you are not alone in this. Please feel free to PM me if you want to talk, I really do know how you feel.
Sending you hugs,
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thank you very much pam for your kindness . It has meant alot today. I think I'll try to pm you in a bit but your kindness was appreciated because knowing I am not alone or feeling totally way"out there" thoughts gives me strength.......thank you again.......dixied
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Dixied
I can relate to the sadness of never having a normal mother/son relationship with John after probably the age of 20. He just pushed me away and used and manipulated me for years.
I cry now for the sweet boy he used to be and how much I love him. I believe deep down that he loved me with all his heart as well. I believe he regretted our lost relationship as much as I, and in fact our whole family did.
I'm sure your son loves you as well and just doesn't think he can ever make amends to you. He probably thinks that no matter what he says or does it will never be enough, so he doesn't say or do anything.
We have a habit of thinking we have plenty of time to do these things. We're always surprised when we've run out of time.
Trish
I can relate to the sadness of never having a normal mother/son relationship with John after probably the age of 20. He just pushed me away and used and manipulated me for years.
I cry now for the sweet boy he used to be and how much I love him. I believe deep down that he loved me with all his heart as well. I believe he regretted our lost relationship as much as I, and in fact our whole family did.
I'm sure your son loves you as well and just doesn't think he can ever make amends to you. He probably thinks that no matter what he says or does it will never be enough, so he doesn't say or do anything.
We have a habit of thinking we have plenty of time to do these things. We're always surprised when we've run out of time.
Trish
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Ladyjane,
Your kind words (and true words) brought tears to my eyes. I have thought of you often and wanted to say the right words to you but was afraid but please know I have thought of you so much and I send you my prayers. For you to even console me means so much when you have gone through so much recently. Thank you for your time.
I think that I am feeling this way because in a few days it will be my birthday and this time last year , on my birthday, I was sitting in the emergency room not knowing if my son would live or not. He had gone on a four day binge, he had lost his job, his wife did not even tell me he was missing until after the second day, and she did that via email and she lives in the same town. I had to go file a police report, go to the mental health facility to declare him incapacitated, then on to the judge to say I'd committ him (this was done so that they'd have the authority to keep him in custody, if found) and then I waited and waited. On the morning of my birthday they found him. He was high, riding around, had not eaten, what food he had was given to him by strangers. He had sold his car radio, had broken into our second home and stolen things. The police got him to the hospital and of course I met with the detective who informed me that my son didn't want me to see him like that. So since he was over 21 and of legal age there I sat in the emergency room for 11 hours not being able to see him but I could speak to the doctor. He was later taken to the psych . ward for 8 days where he really was more or less comatose with nothing much to say to anyone.
After speaking with the substance abuse counselor I was told he was a severe drug addict but also quite brillant in understanding addicition ........that he could probably teach a class or write a book on addiciton. A that point , with the presence of the counselor, I told him(my son) I'd sign for him to go to jail or he could work with the counselor on going to rehab but he was not going back on the streets. So that exchange really put the nail in the coffin regarding our relationship. Although we don't refer to it things we said, lies were told and we just can't seem to move forward . This is probably more than you ever wanted to know but here we are with relapse 3 back in June and waiting on what the wife wants to do.......meantime I am called in on an "as needed" basis when things really mess up . LadyJane, I think you are right. I think he sees how much he has messed up and maybe feels it will never be good again. That he can't make enough amends. At a lowpoint in June he told my brother, "I can't believe this is my life." That is when I felt such sorrow for him. Because he had everything and he chose to pick up the drugs. I do miss him greatly. Thanks for listening........dixie (one more thing.the wife has gotten him out of AA because it is a "revolving door" according to her and the "charismatic" counselor. I do have anger about that but I do understand that has to be their decision. I just wonder how clearly you think things through when possibly your decision making processes aren't the best in the world. anyway, thanks for listening
Your kind words (and true words) brought tears to my eyes. I have thought of you often and wanted to say the right words to you but was afraid but please know I have thought of you so much and I send you my prayers. For you to even console me means so much when you have gone through so much recently. Thank you for your time.
I think that I am feeling this way because in a few days it will be my birthday and this time last year , on my birthday, I was sitting in the emergency room not knowing if my son would live or not. He had gone on a four day binge, he had lost his job, his wife did not even tell me he was missing until after the second day, and she did that via email and she lives in the same town. I had to go file a police report, go to the mental health facility to declare him incapacitated, then on to the judge to say I'd committ him (this was done so that they'd have the authority to keep him in custody, if found) and then I waited and waited. On the morning of my birthday they found him. He was high, riding around, had not eaten, what food he had was given to him by strangers. He had sold his car radio, had broken into our second home and stolen things. The police got him to the hospital and of course I met with the detective who informed me that my son didn't want me to see him like that. So since he was over 21 and of legal age there I sat in the emergency room for 11 hours not being able to see him but I could speak to the doctor. He was later taken to the psych . ward for 8 days where he really was more or less comatose with nothing much to say to anyone.
After speaking with the substance abuse counselor I was told he was a severe drug addict but also quite brillant in understanding addicition ........that he could probably teach a class or write a book on addiciton. A that point , with the presence of the counselor, I told him(my son) I'd sign for him to go to jail or he could work with the counselor on going to rehab but he was not going back on the streets. So that exchange really put the nail in the coffin regarding our relationship. Although we don't refer to it things we said, lies were told and we just can't seem to move forward . This is probably more than you ever wanted to know but here we are with relapse 3 back in June and waiting on what the wife wants to do.......meantime I am called in on an "as needed" basis when things really mess up . LadyJane, I think you are right. I think he sees how much he has messed up and maybe feels it will never be good again. That he can't make enough amends. At a lowpoint in June he told my brother, "I can't believe this is my life." That is when I felt such sorrow for him. Because he had everything and he chose to pick up the drugs. I do miss him greatly. Thanks for listening........dixie (one more thing.the wife has gotten him out of AA because it is a "revolving door" according to her and the "charismatic" counselor. I do have anger about that but I do understand that has to be their decision. I just wonder how clearly you think things through when possibly your decision making processes aren't the best in the world. anyway, thanks for listening
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I found it helpful to separate the disease from the person. It isn't that our children do not love us or want a close relationship, but during active addiction, the disease is in full control. Recovery is a slow process for all of us. Dixie, I think your son is working hard to regain a life free from drugs. I'm glad you are letting him do it his way and find his own way. His way and his wife's way may not be the way you or I would want, but it is their journey. Glad you wanted to send something to him that had no strings attached...I am sure he was grateful.
Praying that in time and as you each work on healing from the effects of addiction, you rediscover a relationship. Hugs and prayers
Praying that in time and as you each work on healing from the effects of addiction, you rediscover a relationship. Hugs and prayers
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Dixed,
I'm glad you decided to send the groceries. I get a feeling that your son feels like he has never measured up to what you wanted him to be and that is why he maintains the no contact rule for himself. It sounds like he is ashamed and embarrassed by his behavior. He wants to control this drug problem on his own and doesn't want anyone telling him how or what to do. It seems his wife has a big impact on him and he wants to do right by her and his child. It seems if anyone could an have an impact on his recovery it is her. Maybe it is for the sake of his child. I think she has a lot of power on him an she knows it. I agree with grandma she need to make a decision and move on. There is a fine line between her hanging on to have her needs met or hanging on with the hope that he recovers and they live happily ever after. Sometimes it sounds like she if playing him like a fiddle because she has the upper hand. Then he bears the guilt of what he has done to his family and he goes along with her calling all of the shots.
Part of me thinks that that is where you come in. Not that you can control or meddle into their marriage. Why don't you try to contact him? I think if I knew my child was trying as hard as he seems to be I would take the step to let him know that I want a relationship with him regardless of how tarnished the past. I don't think he feels accepted. I know you want an apology.....maybe if you opened that door for him he could do that. Someone has to turn the other cheek to break this cycle of no contact. I think you have more of an impact on your son than you realize. Open that door........you might be surprised.
JMHO......
Hugs...........Lo
I'm glad you decided to send the groceries. I get a feeling that your son feels like he has never measured up to what you wanted him to be and that is why he maintains the no contact rule for himself. It sounds like he is ashamed and embarrassed by his behavior. He wants to control this drug problem on his own and doesn't want anyone telling him how or what to do. It seems his wife has a big impact on him and he wants to do right by her and his child. It seems if anyone could an have an impact on his recovery it is her. Maybe it is for the sake of his child. I think she has a lot of power on him an she knows it. I agree with grandma she need to make a decision and move on. There is a fine line between her hanging on to have her needs met or hanging on with the hope that he recovers and they live happily ever after. Sometimes it sounds like she if playing him like a fiddle because she has the upper hand. Then he bears the guilt of what he has done to his family and he goes along with her calling all of the shots.
Part of me thinks that that is where you come in. Not that you can control or meddle into their marriage. Why don't you try to contact him? I think if I knew my child was trying as hard as he seems to be I would take the step to let him know that I want a relationship with him regardless of how tarnished the past. I don't think he feels accepted. I know you want an apology.....maybe if you opened that door for him he could do that. Someone has to turn the other cheek to break this cycle of no contact. I think you have more of an impact on your son than you realize. Open that door........you might be surprised.
JMHO......
Hugs...........Lo
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lobo,
thank you for the reply. I will think about what you said and I appreciate your insight. Part of me just doesn't want to be accused of starting something or saying something to upset the applecart. I sort of want to stay out of the line of fire until a decision has been made one way or the other. Probably too , if I am honest, I want to wait on the hair follicle test . I have been burned so many times before I just don't think I can go down that road again........my thanks for the good points you brought up......dixie
thank you for the reply. I will think about what you said and I appreciate your insight. Part of me just doesn't want to be accused of starting something or saying something to upset the applecart. I sort of want to stay out of the line of fire until a decision has been made one way or the other. Probably too , if I am honest, I want to wait on the hair follicle test . I have been burned so many times before I just don't think I can go down that road again........my thanks for the good points you brought up......dixie
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: dallas texas
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Hi,
I think sometimes it is the shame and horror at what they have done that keeps them away. That's why AD told me why she didn't call sooner for help. I, being the "codie' I am would also call since he IS trying. Sounds like he needs someone in his court right now!!! No conversations of the past, just I love you, I'm here, I'm proud of you! IMO
susan
I think sometimes it is the shame and horror at what they have done that keeps them away. That's why AD told me why she didn't call sooner for help. I, being the "codie' I am would also call since he IS trying. Sounds like he needs someone in his court right now!!! No conversations of the past, just I love you, I'm here, I'm proud of you! IMO
susan
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Hi Dixied, sorry you are going through all this. Maybe i can give you some insight to your dil. Have they been seperated for 4 months? that doesn't seem that long. she is probobly protecting her child and herself emotionally right now.
She probobly gave your son boundries and consequences and now he is paying them. I have often heard 6 months sober before thinking about the future. could that be what she is thinking? If he is going along with her then maybe it is what he needs to do to prove to himself and her that he can follow up on what he promised? I don't know if that is the case but as a girl who lived with an addict/binger, I just had to ask my aBF to leave our house and kids so we can get healthy. He knew the deal and agreed that if he kept using he would be the one to leave the house, he chose to use again and again....now he is complianing that he is our of his house. Go figure??? Sorry if this seems harsh, just thinking this is maybe what he needs to really get it! Hugs to you!
She probobly gave your son boundries and consequences and now he is paying them. I have often heard 6 months sober before thinking about the future. could that be what she is thinking? If he is going along with her then maybe it is what he needs to do to prove to himself and her that he can follow up on what he promised? I don't know if that is the case but as a girl who lived with an addict/binger, I just had to ask my aBF to leave our house and kids so we can get healthy. He knew the deal and agreed that if he kept using he would be the one to leave the house, he chose to use again and again....now he is complianing that he is our of his house. Go figure??? Sorry if this seems harsh, just thinking this is maybe what he needs to really get it! Hugs to you!
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this is the timeline.........they marry in April .by August he faces an intervention.....she is told she can have an annulment.......she declines.......two, mind you two weeks later she is pregnant. Now he really goes into full blown, out of control mode.......nov. dec. and on into jan. thru april......trying intensive outpatient and looking for work as he is fired form the family business..........in april he goes to exclusive 30 day rehab. comes home , baby is born after two weeks he relapses but isn't caught.......around October full blown binge, wife saw signs, told no one.......oct. brings a six month rehab. he comes home in April stays straight for six weeks then a relapse in June so you see she has been without him the major part of the marriage and I am often reminded of that even thought we have contributed to financial support and assisted on maintenance of the house. It hasn't been easy for anyone in our family or hers. I just wished that the pregnancy timing had been different. I wish things had been on the upswing or some sobriety time had passed but I keep tellling myself it is all in God's plan. Thanks for listening.......dixied
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My Son...
Hi Dixied,
I would have sent the groceries too. I have a son that tried suicide after he came home from the Navy.....he survived and is a quadraplegic now. He is 38 years old & divorced. He calls me almost every day and just lives a few blocks away. He likes us to come by to say hi but not stay long.
Often he has told me I should go home because he is too tired. I just play it by ear.
At first I felt like he was ashamed of what happened and he never talks about it. It has been 5 years and he still denies it was a suicide attempt to his doc.
On the phone and when I go to see him, or run errands for him, he always tells me that he loves me.
When he is in the VA Hospital in Seattle, we talk on the phone because it is too far to go anymore. He just got back home after having another surgery. He has caregivers that come in three times a day to help him. He prefers his life in his own home versus a Nursing Home due to the fact he likes what time he has free. He keeps himself busy even with limited use of his arms and hands.
A Mother's love never goes away. No matter the circumstances, I have love for my children but have learned boundaries that I need to keep to protect myself and my husband. My husband handles his grief different than I do and makes up excuses why he shouldn't go visit. I kinda trick him into it once in a while...when I take our son's mail to him and he will then deside he had better go in and say hi!
My son was addicted to drugs and alcohol and also had clinical depression....same as I have coped with all my adult life, except I didn't get involved with drugs. My son did go to treatment several times and had counseling for his depression but nothing clicked. I have been sober a long while and I know it took me a long time to get my act together to get help. While in the VA Hospital he has gotten very good counseling and for a while had counseling over the phone with his counselor in Seattle.
I just live one day at a time and do what I can when my son does ask for my help. I almost feel like it is a privelege to get to help him. He has said he wished I didn't have to see him like he is now.
My heart aches for you...I know all the thoughts and worries that go through my mind at times and I can't shut it out. Sometimes I listen to my portable CD to help me get to sleep.
kelsh
I would have sent the groceries too. I have a son that tried suicide after he came home from the Navy.....he survived and is a quadraplegic now. He is 38 years old & divorced. He calls me almost every day and just lives a few blocks away. He likes us to come by to say hi but not stay long.
Often he has told me I should go home because he is too tired. I just play it by ear.
At first I felt like he was ashamed of what happened and he never talks about it. It has been 5 years and he still denies it was a suicide attempt to his doc.
On the phone and when I go to see him, or run errands for him, he always tells me that he loves me.
When he is in the VA Hospital in Seattle, we talk on the phone because it is too far to go anymore. He just got back home after having another surgery. He has caregivers that come in three times a day to help him. He prefers his life in his own home versus a Nursing Home due to the fact he likes what time he has free. He keeps himself busy even with limited use of his arms and hands.
A Mother's love never goes away. No matter the circumstances, I have love for my children but have learned boundaries that I need to keep to protect myself and my husband. My husband handles his grief different than I do and makes up excuses why he shouldn't go visit. I kinda trick him into it once in a while...when I take our son's mail to him and he will then deside he had better go in and say hi!
My son was addicted to drugs and alcohol and also had clinical depression....same as I have coped with all my adult life, except I didn't get involved with drugs. My son did go to treatment several times and had counseling for his depression but nothing clicked. I have been sober a long while and I know it took me a long time to get my act together to get help. While in the VA Hospital he has gotten very good counseling and for a while had counseling over the phone with his counselor in Seattle.
I just live one day at a time and do what I can when my son does ask for my help. I almost feel like it is a privelege to get to help him. He has said he wished I didn't have to see him like he is now.
My heart aches for you...I know all the thoughts and worries that go through my mind at times and I can't shut it out. Sometimes I listen to my portable CD to help me get to sleep.
kelsh
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Hey dixied. You are doing what any parent would do.
It sounds like he is learning the hard way, but, he IS learning! That's the good part.
One day, when your son comes through all this, things will be much better for him.
You're a good person and a great parent.
It sounds like he is learning the hard way, but, he IS learning! That's the good part.
One day, when your son comes through all this, things will be much better for him.
You're a good person and a great parent.
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Join Date: Feb 2006
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(( Dixied ))
I think you have gotten some wonderful, heartfelt responses. I'm glad you got the groceries. My addict is my husband, though I believe one of my sons is a "dry drunk" and I'm convinced my daughter is addicted to fast food, which I'm sure sounds minor to you, but i worry she will develop heart problems because of all her extra weight. I've always tried to help my kids when I can. I'm finding out that you really have to be very careful when choosing what to help with! I also think you're doing a great job. I agree with the others that maybe your son just doesn't feel good enough about himself to better your relationship. Maybe that's why he lets his wife treat him the way she does. It' so hard when your kids feel this way, I know my daughter considers herself worthless. I think I would just try to be there when he needs help. I pray that he gets in touch with you very soon.
As for your Mom, my dad is 85, and I think they come from a time when the world was a much simpler place. My dad has been so encouraging about my ah, I know he expected him to come home a long time ago. I don't think they understand how powerful the drugs are today. Sure. there was always booze and stuff like morphine, and my dad sure has seen his share of addiction. It just seems to be more evil now, imho. When my dad gets upset, I listen to what he tells me, and usually after I've upset him, I'm more careful of what I say the next time.
Hope to hear better news from your family soon, yuo're in my prayers.
I think you have gotten some wonderful, heartfelt responses. I'm glad you got the groceries. My addict is my husband, though I believe one of my sons is a "dry drunk" and I'm convinced my daughter is addicted to fast food, which I'm sure sounds minor to you, but i worry she will develop heart problems because of all her extra weight. I've always tried to help my kids when I can. I'm finding out that you really have to be very careful when choosing what to help with! I also think you're doing a great job. I agree with the others that maybe your son just doesn't feel good enough about himself to better your relationship. Maybe that's why he lets his wife treat him the way she does. It' so hard when your kids feel this way, I know my daughter considers herself worthless. I think I would just try to be there when he needs help. I pray that he gets in touch with you very soon.
As for your Mom, my dad is 85, and I think they come from a time when the world was a much simpler place. My dad has been so encouraging about my ah, I know he expected him to come home a long time ago. I don't think they understand how powerful the drugs are today. Sure. there was always booze and stuff like morphine, and my dad sure has seen his share of addiction. It just seems to be more evil now, imho. When my dad gets upset, I listen to what he tells me, and usually after I've upset him, I'm more careful of what I say the next time.
Hope to hear better news from your family soon, yuo're in my prayers.
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: NJ
Posts: 702
Dixied,
If you dont' want to call your son how about writing him a letter, telling him that you miss him and only want the best for him. Tell him you are willing to talk to him, if you want to and if he wants to talk to you please feel free to call. This way he knows you love him but that it is in his court to make the next move.
I hope this helps you some with your choice.
If you dont' want to call your son how about writing him a letter, telling him that you miss him and only want the best for him. Tell him you are willing to talk to him, if you want to and if he wants to talk to you please feel free to call. This way he knows you love him but that it is in his court to make the next move.
I hope this helps you some with your choice.
Jerzy007
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: South Florida
Posts: 240
Dixied my prayers are with you. I am a 25 year old addict in recovery and I have cleaned up the wreckage of my past with my family as part of the 9th step and we now have a great relationship. I feel for you and I remember my mother driving around the ghetto of Trenton NJ looking for me for weeks at a time and although i did love her, I didnt have time to talk to anyone who wanted anything good for me while wrapped up in my addiction. Especially parents because guilt is too heavy and the denial of that guilt would make me run even more. The selfishness involved in my addiction took me away from anything and anyone who loved me although i still loved them and it feels good to be able to truly express that love as a sober man. Keep the hope, God's will is mysterious!
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