I'm a newbie, looking for some comfort
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 5
I'm a newbie, looking for some comfort
Hullo all. I'm really glad I found this forum.
My older sister recently admitted that she's addicted to painkillers- she has some intense health problems and is often in a lot of pain, so that's how it got started. She's also been really depressed lately.
She went to a treatment center (4 hours away!) and soon after arriving was calling and begging us to come get her, even making up lies to try and get someone to pick her up. It had me really scared and afraid and just plain *worried* about my sis, because she's not a liar. I guess its normal for people going through withdrawl to act that way? One thing is that she doesn't know I know about this- she asked that my mother not tell me or her other siblings because she's ashamed. She thinks I believe she's only gone to be treated for depression.
However, she called a little while ago and said she's feeling better and has decided to stay. Its a relief that she wants help, but I'm having a hard time coping with the fact that she has this problem and that she's going to be away from us for so long. She lives at home and I'm so used to having her around. It feels like its going to be impossible just to move on with my life while knowing my sister is going through this. I can't even imagine going to work or doing anything that I enjoy because I'm so deeply worried and disturbed. I even feel guilty about *trying* to enjoy myself. I guess maybe that's normal too...
Anyway, any kind words, prayers for my sister or encouagements will be most welcome.
My older sister recently admitted that she's addicted to painkillers- she has some intense health problems and is often in a lot of pain, so that's how it got started. She's also been really depressed lately.
She went to a treatment center (4 hours away!) and soon after arriving was calling and begging us to come get her, even making up lies to try and get someone to pick her up. It had me really scared and afraid and just plain *worried* about my sis, because she's not a liar. I guess its normal for people going through withdrawl to act that way? One thing is that she doesn't know I know about this- she asked that my mother not tell me or her other siblings because she's ashamed. She thinks I believe she's only gone to be treated for depression.
However, she called a little while ago and said she's feeling better and has decided to stay. Its a relief that she wants help, but I'm having a hard time coping with the fact that she has this problem and that she's going to be away from us for so long. She lives at home and I'm so used to having her around. It feels like its going to be impossible just to move on with my life while knowing my sister is going through this. I can't even imagine going to work or doing anything that I enjoy because I'm so deeply worried and disturbed. I even feel guilty about *trying* to enjoy myself. I guess maybe that's normal too...
Anyway, any kind words, prayers for my sister or encouagements will be most welcome.
Last edited by dreamdancer; 09-21-2007 at 07:38 PM. Reason: adding a word
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Mn
Posts: 48
In my opinion,you are doing everything you can.You obviously are doing everything possible.However,you cant get down on yourself due to others' actions.Don't feel giulty for having a good time because your sister cant right now.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: dallas texas
Posts: 1,629
Hi and welcome.
You are not responsbile for your sister, no matter how much you love her. If she is in treatment, maybe she is ready for help. Read the sticky's on top, and more will be along w/ comforting words. You are in the right place,
susan
You are not responsbile for your sister, no matter how much you love her. If she is in treatment, maybe she is ready for help. Read the sticky's on top, and more will be along w/ comforting words. You are in the right place,
susan
Power is not having to respond
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
Hi, I am staying up late on a saturday night, and I see you are too!
I'm sorry you are so worried about your sister.
She's in a treatment center, so she will be taken good care of. She is there to get the drugs out of her system and that might be hard for her to deal with. But, it's a side affect she needs to go through to get well. And, well is what she needs to be.
Keep encouraging her to stay and work it out.
In the mean time, remember the serenity prayer, and focus on it. If you read it, and think about what it says, you'll understand.
God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I can not change,
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Take care
I'm sorry you are so worried about your sister.
She's in a treatment center, so she will be taken good care of. She is there to get the drugs out of her system and that might be hard for her to deal with. But, it's a side affect she needs to go through to get well. And, well is what she needs to be.
Keep encouraging her to stay and work it out.
In the mean time, remember the serenity prayer, and focus on it. If you read it, and think about what it says, you'll understand.
God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I can not change,
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Take care
Living in the light
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Sweet Home Serenity
Posts: 706
Welcome dreamdancer
. I'm glad you found us. We understand, support, care and share as we've all been affected by a loved one's addiction.
Depression and addiction often go together. It's natural to be concerned for sister.
At the same time it's important to take care of you and how you feel.
The three Cs are
You didn't cause it
You can't cure it
You can't control it
Saying the Serenity prayer soothes me whenever I feel concerned . Keep posting and know we are always here for you.
. I'm glad you found us. We understand, support, care and share as we've all been affected by a loved one's addiction.Depression and addiction often go together. It's natural to be concerned for sister.
At the same time it's important to take care of you and how you feel.
The three Cs are
You didn't cause it
You can't cure it
You can't control it
Saying the Serenity prayer soothes me whenever I feel concerned . Keep posting and know we are always here for you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 5
Thanks yall, I appreciate it.
My sister wants to come home and continue going to therapy and meetings from here because she's homesick... I'm afraid my mother is in denial that my sister has a problem though. Whenever I say I'd like for my sis to stay at the clinic longer my mother just says 'oh, she's going to be fine, I want her to come home, she's not a hard-core user' and such. I just worry that staying there would be best, but no one listens to me. Its very disheartening and I'm really worried. My nerves are really shot.
My sister wants to come home and continue going to therapy and meetings from here because she's homesick... I'm afraid my mother is in denial that my sister has a problem though. Whenever I say I'd like for my sis to stay at the clinic longer my mother just says 'oh, she's going to be fine, I want her to come home, she's not a hard-core user' and such. I just worry that staying there would be best, but no one listens to me. Its very disheartening and I'm really worried. My nerves are really shot.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: tn
Posts: 663
Welcome dreamdancer
Would your mom be willing to read the information at the top of this forum page? I think it really helped me get an understanding when I first found out about my daughter's addition.
Just a thought. Prayers for you and your family in dealing with this difficult disease of addiction.
Terri
Would your mom be willing to read the information at the top of this forum page? I think it really helped me get an understanding when I first found out about my daughter's addition.
Just a thought. Prayers for you and your family in dealing with this difficult disease of addiction.
Terri
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Dreamdancer, I'm sorry all this is happening and my prayers go out for your sister and your family.
Even if your sister is making a poor choice by leaving, and even if your mother is making a poor choice in letting her come home without completing the program...this is all out of your hands, as hard as it is to accept.
My son is an addict and I know the pain of watching someone we love destroy themselves. What helped me was going to meetings and finding a sponsor and learning to work the 12 steps of recovery that literally saved my life.
If you haven't been to a meeting, maybe find one in your area and give it a try. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Naranon, Alanon and CoDA are all very similar and any one of those will help you find a better way of dealing with all the drama and chaos that is going on around you.
I'm glad you joined us and happy to have you walk with us on our journey. I hope you find lots of support and encouragement here and know that we truly do understand your pain.
Hugs
Even if your sister is making a poor choice by leaving, and even if your mother is making a poor choice in letting her come home without completing the program...this is all out of your hands, as hard as it is to accept.
My son is an addict and I know the pain of watching someone we love destroy themselves. What helped me was going to meetings and finding a sponsor and learning to work the 12 steps of recovery that literally saved my life.
If you haven't been to a meeting, maybe find one in your area and give it a try. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Naranon, Alanon and CoDA are all very similar and any one of those will help you find a better way of dealing with all the drama and chaos that is going on around you.
I'm glad you joined us and happy to have you walk with us on our journey. I hope you find lots of support and encouragement here and know that we truly do understand your pain.
Hugs
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Hi dreamdancer, I'm sorry you and your family, including your sister is going through the pain of addiction and its impact on everyone's lives. I'm glad you found SR...that and Naranon meetings really helped me through the difficult times when my daughters were trying to get clean. The more I learned about addiction and also its effects on me, the more I could accept that I needed help just as much as they did.
Keep reading and posting. I'll say a prayer that your sister decides to stay in treatment. Hugs
Keep reading and posting. I'll say a prayer that your sister decides to stay in treatment. Hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 5
Thanks yall..
I'm so distraught. My sister wants to come home tomorow, and since she's an adult we can't stop her. She says she's going to keep going to therapy and meetings while here, but I'm just so worried and upset.
I'm so distraught. My sister wants to come home tomorow, and since she's an adult we can't stop her. She says she's going to keep going to therapy and meetings while here, but I'm just so worried and upset.
I'm HOME!!!!!
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Hot flash city
Posts: 573
Just wanted to drop in and welcome you to SR!!! Glad you've found us, read the stickies at the top of the forums...very helpful.
My addict is my daughter, and unfortunately, I think admitting your child is an addict is a very hard thing to do. Keep coming back
NSW
My addict is my daughter, and unfortunately, I think admitting your child is an addict is a very hard thing to do. Keep coming back
NSW
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: NY
Posts: 204
My sister started on pain killers (Oxy) and progressed to snorting Heroin and eventually IV Heroin use. When she went to rehab the first time none of my family knew, she had not been using heroin yet at that point. She had an eating disorder previously and had told us all that she was getting additional help/support for that.
She pulled the same thing, calling us and asking us to come get her, etc. Since she also was an adult, and would not sign a release my parents couldn't even talk to the center so they were ignorant as to what was really going on.. they went and picked her up and for a while seemed ok, she started out with therapy and then the downward spiral and eventually when My parents found her on the kitchen floor from an overdose reality set in, this was not just an eating disorder. It took twice more for my mom to find her on the floor and EMS Workers to ressusitate her before my parents said THAT's It. She went into rehab and is now 5 years clean/sober (July)
Looking back it was our ignorance and NOT just her denial of the problem that kept her sick. An addict will do or say anything to keep doing what they are doing and they can be very convincing.
My best advice is to do nothing, she is an adult and she's going to choose her own path no matter what you do. This is her road to go down and while you can be there to support her in recovery, you can't GET her there. If she is living there, your parents should become educated on what to look for, they should try and create boundaries and maybe all of you can see a counselor or go to Alanon or Naranon to learn how to take care of yourselves.
Good luck and prayers for you and your family.
She pulled the same thing, calling us and asking us to come get her, etc. Since she also was an adult, and would not sign a release my parents couldn't even talk to the center so they were ignorant as to what was really going on.. they went and picked her up and for a while seemed ok, she started out with therapy and then the downward spiral and eventually when My parents found her on the kitchen floor from an overdose reality set in, this was not just an eating disorder. It took twice more for my mom to find her on the floor and EMS Workers to ressusitate her before my parents said THAT's It. She went into rehab and is now 5 years clean/sober (July)
Looking back it was our ignorance and NOT just her denial of the problem that kept her sick. An addict will do or say anything to keep doing what they are doing and they can be very convincing.
My best advice is to do nothing, she is an adult and she's going to choose her own path no matter what you do. This is her road to go down and while you can be there to support her in recovery, you can't GET her there. If she is living there, your parents should become educated on what to look for, they should try and create boundaries and maybe all of you can see a counselor or go to Alanon or Naranon to learn how to take care of yourselves.
Good luck and prayers for you and your family.
Get Caught Reading
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Not in the boonies, thank God
Posts: 1,410
(((((Dreamdancer)))))
Just wanting to welcome you and send you much needed hugs and prayers.
I agree with what's been said before me. You can't control her situation.
Only she has that power. I agree, that she hasn't been there long enough, but every addict is different. She may come home and surprise everyone by working on recovery and attending meetings regularly. If not, well, that's just something that she will have to deal with. Not even mom and dad can get her to stop. Like you said, she's an adult.
All you can do is pray for her, turn her over in God's care, and start your own recovery. Your recovery of codependency.
Your helplessness and aggrievation at not being able to control her and her situation will drive you batty. Recovery teaches us to take that focus off our loved one, (mine is my 25 yo son) and put it on ourselves. Doing for us. Taking care of us.
Learning that as long as we enable our addict, they and we, as well, will suffer for it.
Read books about enabling, codependency, and detachment.
Your on a great path of recovery for yourself. I'm happy to walk it with you.
A new sr friend,
Linda
Just wanting to welcome you and send you much needed hugs and prayers.
I agree with what's been said before me. You can't control her situation.
Only she has that power. I agree, that she hasn't been there long enough, but every addict is different. She may come home and surprise everyone by working on recovery and attending meetings regularly. If not, well, that's just something that she will have to deal with. Not even mom and dad can get her to stop. Like you said, she's an adult.
All you can do is pray for her, turn her over in God's care, and start your own recovery. Your recovery of codependency.
Your helplessness and aggrievation at not being able to control her and her situation will drive you batty. Recovery teaches us to take that focus off our loved one, (mine is my 25 yo son) and put it on ourselves. Doing for us. Taking care of us.
Learning that as long as we enable our addict, they and we, as well, will suffer for it.
Read books about enabling, codependency, and detachment.
Your on a great path of recovery for yourself. I'm happy to walk it with you.
A new sr friend,
Linda
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