marteen

(((((Dev)))))

Good, gracious, I am just so proud of your recovery! You are amazing.

I'm glad that you didn't allow that remorse and guilt to creep in; demonstrates that you truly do have strong recovery.

I think if she is genuine in wanting to contact you, she would figure a way of doing it without having to call you collect. It's like with my AD, I am taking the best of what I can get but I'm not stupid, I know there are still a lot of problems and there is still "use". What shows it the most is that she can never come to visit us - no car; there is always some excuse or another but she always, always manages to be able to find a ride to work, to go shopping, to go out to dinner etc, etc. Mine and Mr M's feeling is that if the true desire was there to visit us above all else, she would find a way to get here, to see us. But as long as there are excuses and her "needs" have to be met, I don't take her sincerity as serious as I could. Good reason.

You have every reason to not want to get involved in this situation. If she really wanted to talk to you for YOU, she would find a way to contact you at her expense, not yours.

Hang tough; you are an inspiration.

Ann

Marteen here is an inspiration for sticking to boundaries. She didn't tolerate disrespect and bad behaviour from her daughter (who held back visiting privileges of the baby for spite)...and in the end, the daughter discovered that if she wanted any kind of relationship with her mother that she would have to show respect and be clean in her presence. What she did anyplace else did not concern Marteen. (Forgive me Marteen for putting your story in a nutshell, but it's such an awesome example of boundaries working).

To compromise our serenity and quality of life for anyone is simply not worth it. It's putting ourselves in harm's way, in an unhealthy situation.

We may not be your traditional grannies, but we've got spunk and values and lots of good things going on in our hearts and a ton of kick left in our recovery....(I borrowed this picture of "us" from Deedee )

rozied

Dear Devestated, I agree 100% I also am so tired of being taken for granted & of all the problems my adult children have........................it ain't my problem anymore..........thats how I feel. You are adults....handle it & stop bringing your problems to me. I have my own problems & I'm sick to death of handling yours.

Good Going Girl!!!

Diane

greeteachday

Dev - YOu Rock!!!!

I think your boundary and reasons for it is very valid...why open the door to more hurt and disappointment? And good for you not answering your son's call to manipulate.

I really had to wonder as I read this...if she is so anxious to contact you, wouldn't you think she could scrape up the 39 cents to buy a stamp? Hugs

marteen

Ann, thank you. Any of us who have been here for a while finally realizes that there is a much better way to deal with the addiction of our children. Once we accept it, realize we can't "fix" it, we learn to shift our attention to our own lives and our own choices. It's as simple as that. (no, it's NOT simple putting those simple words to action but if we want to maintain our sanity and live our own lives, we have to learn to do it) After all, recovery is truly about "choice".

And true and lasting recovery requires a constant renewal of strength and the support of those who understand what it means.

You go, Dev!

Lobo

Dev,
You are a true inspiration to me, So is Ann and Marteen. I have learned a lot of good things from you girls. I figure if you can do it, so can I. I am still a baby at this but I'm learning.

I think if your grandaughter was sincere she would drop you a card and maybe a baby picture. Maybe when you talk to your son you could suggest that and see what happens. Maybe that would open a positive door.

You rock, granny........Lo

devastated

PJBS55: You sure can say that again about the "Me Generation!" Well, how about our needs?

FrankieB: Right Frankie, I know he is trying to push through, but not this time. I have cleaned up enough wrekage to last my lifetime. I refuse to start all over again with another one. I mean really, I was born at night but not LAST NIGHT!

ANN: My good friend and mentor. You know if it were not for you and our other "old" friends, I probably would still have the Warden's phone number on my speed dial! Incidentally, Ann, is that my red hat you're wearing?

Cats: You've got that right!

ABTCH: Be careful what you wish for! LOL

Marteen: I agree totally with you. Where there's a will there's a way! I pray that life gets easier for you and Mr. Marteen.

ROZIED: By Jobe I think she's got it!

Greeteachday: My sentiments exactly!

Love you all. Big hugs
Devastated