TrishaV

Well,

I just spoke with my daughter who is currently in a 10 day detox center until sunday. She had informed me that from there, she will be referred to a 28 day program in a different location and that they center that she is in now will take her there. Well, didn't that sound to good to be true?? She just informed me that there is a 2 month waiting list for any of the rehab centers and therefore there is nothing more the place she is staying can due. Of course, I told her that I wanted to speak to her advisor to make sure she just isn't turning down treatment. As always, the lady wasn't available and therefore I will have to try to call her tomorrow.

Now ...i am faced with the problem of having her back in my home until a bed is open for her and this isn't what I wanted! I don't want her back in my house, I don't want to depend on someone to be here to watch her because my kids start back to school!! Here I go again with another mouth to feed, someone that I have to determine whether they are telling the truth, taking my phones to work with me so she can't call her dealer, having her here and not doing a things to help out!! Not to mention that she smoke and she has no money...so...who will be buying them for her. I want so bad for her to get help...but...she just turned my world upside...once more!!

I DON"T want her here even if she is clean...how sad is that?? I don't want to spend my nights laying awake wondering if she is going to sneak out of the house with my grandkids. The last time she was here, I had my 15 year old daughter give this daughter her bed...and...she slept on the floor in front of the door so that she couldn't get out of the bedroom and run with my grandchildren.

What makes it worse, is she comes to my house acting like she is the next best thing to sliced bread, the perfect mother but yet gets agravated when I tell her to give the kids a bath, or fix their plate. I figured when she was here, she needed to "do" for the kids since she hasn't for so long.

So...now I have to find a babysitter for my 25 year old daughter!! I am just done...fed up!! It would be different if i knew that she got the help that she needed...although she did mention that I am now responsible for running her to meetings....another thing on my things to do list..that grows every time I let her in my life!! I am not ready for this...and..i know we will be fighting after a few days...and..it just isn't worth it. God give me the strength to deal with this all over again.

marle

Trisha, Tell her to make other arrangements. You did not cause her addiction and it is not your responsibility to take her in. I know that you think that if she has no place to go then she will relapse. She might but that is not your fault. I am sure that if home is not a place for her to come, she will scramble to find another place. Hope it works out. Sending hugs and prayers. Marle

caileesnana

The can almost always find her a bed somewhere, it just may not be her choice. I have learned alot the last few years and bought into the come home the last time. It really does not work!
prayers,
susan

ladyamalthea

I agree with Marle. Tell her that, for her own good, you feel that it would be best if she find somewhere else to go to begin her rehab, at least until a bed opens up at the place where she wants to go.

*hugs*

greeteachday

If the facility knows you do not want her in your home, they will work with her to find other arrangements until a bed opens. Not every addict has a mom behind him or her who will keep letting the person back in. "No" really is a complete sentence and if you can find the strength to just say kindly but firmly how you feel, other options will be explored. You truly do not have to turn your world upside down again. Hugs and prayers.

Lobo

Trish,
It sounds like you don't need anymore on your plate right now. I agree with Greet, I think the facilty will find her a place to stay until they have a room for her. You could even call them yourself and find out.......maybe they will work with you. Believe me, I know how they can rock your world when they come back home. It seems they are really high maintenance. If she would take care of her children for a while that would be different. It sounds like she is just another child for you to take care of.

Good luck.......mom hugs.....Lo

bookmiser

Trisha,

Not sure if we met yet, so...

Your in a tough spot, I know. Been there and done it many times.
Did you try googling Oxford Houses in your area?
I have a list in my purse...just in case. lol
Also, I think Greet's right. They'll help her find other arrangements if she tells them she has nowhere to go.
Tell her you love her and pray for her, admit your feelings without going in too deep, and just let her know that living back in your house is not an option this time.
Stay strong. For you and your grandkids.
Sending prayers to you that it all works out for the best.
Glad your here. Stick around.
A new friend,

TrishaV

I did a search for Oxford houses in my area and I beleive WV is the last to get ANYTHING..lol! I did find one in Virginia that I plan on calling. I have never heard of these places..but..read that they are supported by the people staying in the house. She is going there without a job....what does she do to pay her portion?? Do they help in job placement? There really isn't much details on their site to answer my questions.

ladyamalthea

A lot of those types of places have programs set up with local companies to help their residents find jobs. It's my understanding that a lot of people go to those from detox or rehab, so it would be pretty normal to not have a job going in.

laketime

my son went to an oxford house without a job and one of the guys helped him get one..

bookmiser

Trisha,

My son has never actually gone to an Oxford House...yet.
The only research I've done about them were locations. Your right, though,
the people that live there are the ones who contribute to the running of the house, I think. So, they either have a job, relatives help with support money, or they have "investors". Maybe government money or state money.
I really hope your able to find a place for your daughter to go. It's so hard to have them come into our home and pretty much run us ragged. With worries, doubts, trying to "fix" them still, ect.
You have every right to take care of you. Focus on you.
I think you've hit your own rock bottom. It happens. Eventually we get to that point where we just have to say "No More".
Mine was last summer. Long story.
We're here for ya and support whatever you decide.
Hugs,
Linda

caileesnana

Hi Trish,
\Just wondering how things are going? How are you and your daughter. Please keep us updated, you are in my thoughts and prayers,
susan

Louise54

You are in my thoughts right now. My as has been clean and hopefully sober for almost 4 months now, but I always feel uneasy, cause I'm waiting for the ball to drop. It is easier when they're not around, as much as you hate to say it. If my as uses again, he will probably be gone for good this time, and that's what really scares me. What will ever become of him? But there really is nothing we can do about it. It's all up to them and their addiction.

Done_With_It

If you keep giving her everything and she keeps getting everything she wants, she won't have any reason to change.

Once she gets out of detox and has all the things back, a bed, someone to take care of her, cart her around, buy her smokes, etc. Why would she not go back to drugs?

We don't stop doing drugs usually until we are made to, or until it's too hard for us to carry on that lifestyle.
If she has to figure it out on her own, she may be made to change.

I sure wouldn't be making a 15 year old change her life to accomany what a 25 year old addict wants though.

Don't let her drugs control your life.

((TrishaV))

JMHO..

Nina Kay

Trisha,
I do so agree with Miss Done. I also know from personal experience that it's easier said than done when it's your child. However, when we give in to helping them, we are really giving in to helping them to stay sick longer. I feel for you and I understand what you're going through. If you could turn her life over to her and not let her back into yours as long as she's an addict, that would be in hers, yours and your granchildren's best interest in every way. After reading your other thread, it does sound like God is taking care of you in the fact that she is gone without calling you to come and pick her up. If you do nothing right now, then you don't have to even try not to let her back into your home. Don't look for her. Let her fall on her own and live with her own consequences. She may decide sooner than later that it's not the life she wants and she may seek her own recovery without your involvement which is the only way that her recovery will stick with her in the long run anyway. Like I said, it's easier said than done and it's easy to know what to do but not always easy to carry it out. I do understand that. ((((((((HUGS)))))))