How's this for interesting.........
Mom to three
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 11
How's this for interesting.........
As I mentioned in a previous post, I was planning on talking to my son (17 yrs old), abut his drug use, but he approached me before I had the chance. He text messaged me during the day asking if he could talk to me that evening - I knew something was on his mind, as he had been acting a little differently lately.
The evening started with him sitting and watching a movie with the family - which hasn't happened in months................. After the movie was over, my husband went up to bed and I stayed up with my son. I asked him, "So, what did you want to talk to me about?" The first thing out of his mouth was, "I don't want you to think any less of me for what I am about to tell you". The next thing out of his mouth was, "I'm done with drugs". This pleasantly shocked me, because there was no way he could have known I was going to bring this subject up with him. He proceeded to tell me some situations he had gotten himself into, and told me it was a series of events that made him decide what he was doing was not going to get him to where he wanted to be. He said his drug activity - and the consequences associated with it - were not worth the risk. He had close calls with being caught by the authorities and he saw friends choosing drugs over family and other friends and did not want to ever do that himself.
We talked for two hours, with him doing about 80% of the talking. He went into detail, that I won't go into here, about each event in a series that brought him to his ultimate decision. The final event, was watching a kid having a bad acid trip, with only my son around to deal with it. This really scared my son and he said he did not want to be that kid someday. He said he's seen more and been through more the last six months than I could ever imagine, and he said it was an experience he needed to get to where he is now. He said after one event would happen, he would tell himself he would stop, but then he wouldn't. He said this happened a handful of times, but after the last event, he realized it is not the lifestyle he wants for himself or his family. He said he has seen where some of the dealers live and does not want to live in those types of places someday.
He apologized for past problems he created with me (months ago) and said he knew he hurt me, but he hurt himself as well with knowing how he made me feel.
I may be naive, but, I don't believe he is an addict, but he is definately a drug abuser. I am extremely hopeful that he truly has seen the light, although, my husband is skeptical (although, he always sees negative instead of positive in every situation). From my view, if he is at least saying he's going to turn things around, he's at least thinking about it.
Is this a miracle happening in my son's life, or false hope on my part?
The evening started with him sitting and watching a movie with the family - which hasn't happened in months................. After the movie was over, my husband went up to bed and I stayed up with my son. I asked him, "So, what did you want to talk to me about?" The first thing out of his mouth was, "I don't want you to think any less of me for what I am about to tell you". The next thing out of his mouth was, "I'm done with drugs". This pleasantly shocked me, because there was no way he could have known I was going to bring this subject up with him. He proceeded to tell me some situations he had gotten himself into, and told me it was a series of events that made him decide what he was doing was not going to get him to where he wanted to be. He said his drug activity - and the consequences associated with it - were not worth the risk. He had close calls with being caught by the authorities and he saw friends choosing drugs over family and other friends and did not want to ever do that himself.
We talked for two hours, with him doing about 80% of the talking. He went into detail, that I won't go into here, about each event in a series that brought him to his ultimate decision. The final event, was watching a kid having a bad acid trip, with only my son around to deal with it. This really scared my son and he said he did not want to be that kid someday. He said he's seen more and been through more the last six months than I could ever imagine, and he said it was an experience he needed to get to where he is now. He said after one event would happen, he would tell himself he would stop, but then he wouldn't. He said this happened a handful of times, but after the last event, he realized it is not the lifestyle he wants for himself or his family. He said he has seen where some of the dealers live and does not want to live in those types of places someday.
He apologized for past problems he created with me (months ago) and said he knew he hurt me, but he hurt himself as well with knowing how he made me feel.
I may be naive, but, I don't believe he is an addict, but he is definately a drug abuser. I am extremely hopeful that he truly has seen the light, although, my husband is skeptical (although, he always sees negative instead of positive in every situation). From my view, if he is at least saying he's going to turn things around, he's at least thinking about it.
Is this a miracle happening in my son's life, or false hope on my part?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: dallas texas
Posts: 1,629
I think it is a good thing. My daughter did CPR on her lifetime friend who OD's and he died. DIdn't stop her any, she is still using. Hopefully, he had enough before he became too involved.
Be glad he came to you, was honest and has that respect/rapport w/ you! I'm jealous (in a good way!)
blessings,
susan
Be glad he came to you, was honest and has that respect/rapport w/ you! I'm jealous (in a good way!)
blessings,
susan
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
The difference between an addict and an abuser is an addict can't stop even when they lose everything while the abuser learns from consequences and makes changes. When my daughter first started using drugs, I thought she would learn if we took things from her. It stopped her for a while but she is an addict and her disease progressed. I will say a prayer that your son is not an addict and he has learned that this is not the life that he wants to pursue. Hugs, Marle
Member
Join Date: May 2006
Location: NY
Posts: 2,859
Good for him sees that he has seen enough to know thats not what he wants out of life it isnt worth it. Hope he stays on this new path he has chosen to take.
As far as that acid trip. My cousin sold one of his friends acid and he had a bad trip and ended up killing himself. It so sad. My cousin was 19 at the time and was charged with manslaughter since he is the one that sold it to him. He is in jail for a long time its just not worth it. So hopefully that was your sons wake up call.
As far as that acid trip. My cousin sold one of his friends acid and he had a bad trip and ended up killing himself. It so sad. My cousin was 19 at the time and was charged with manslaughter since he is the one that sold it to him. He is in jail for a long time its just not worth it. So hopefully that was your sons wake up call.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
My son and I used to have many talks like the one you mention.
It really didn't change anything immediately, but it did start him on course to ending his affair with heroin. My son needed the aid of rehab to steer him in a better direction.
I'm sure your son is being honest, but the user doesn't always know what it will take to leave the drugs behind.
He may struggle, and if he does he'll need to reach out for help, which is available.
His actions will tell over time whether he's kidding himself (and you) or not.
Regardless, to say he's had enough is a very big step in the right direction
((((Hugs)))
Cece
It really didn't change anything immediately, but it did start him on course to ending his affair with heroin. My son needed the aid of rehab to steer him in a better direction.
I'm sure your son is being honest, but the user doesn't always know what it will take to leave the drugs behind.
He may struggle, and if he does he'll need to reach out for help, which is available.
His actions will tell over time whether he's kidding himself (and you) or not.
Regardless, to say he's had enough is a very big step in the right direction
((((Hugs)))
Cece
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: GO PENS
Posts: 1,151
The fact that he was able to come to you and share with you is a giant step. It shows maturity and respect on his part to bear his soul. I know my daughter has done this and although it was hard for me to hear I was there for her when she needed someone she trusted to listen. Now it is out in the open and if he cannot stop on his own, maybe you can guide him with the necessary resources.
Sounds like you have a good relationship with your son.
Hugs.............Lo
Sounds like you have a good relationship with your son.
Hugs.............Lo
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 333
Good for him Geretta. I hope he is not an addict and just pulling your leg as they say. Addicts are clever and manipulative. I will give an instance of something I witnessed first hand at 16 yo. This guy had lost like 45 pounds in a month and a half by only eating once a week. He was a little chubby and was getting onto the girl rollercoaster so he took up smoking and starved himself. After a few weeks of dramatic weight loss his single mom, the school and all adults figured him to be on hard drugs or he had HIV. Well he told them he was just not eating and that was not enough for his mom. His mom was going to have blood and urine samples taken to test for drugs. Well he was drinking alcohol and smoking weed. He went to his mom, layed it on the line...so to speak. He told his mom he had tried weed once and did not like it but he would pee hot on the test as it was only two days before. He said that he would not do it again as it was a experimental thing and he was not interested in that kind of lifestyle. In a nut shell his mom dropped the whole issue and trusted him...he went back to drinking and smoking weed and his weight stabilized at a slender 135pds and he partied tons before and after. I know so because I was that teenager. It was not my moms fault, she is a codie too and trusted her son and his convincing ways.
Honest people tell the truth but people are not always truthful.
Honest people tell the truth but people are not always truthful.
Last edited by Noah812; 08-14-2007 at 12:52 PM.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: on the lake
Posts: 335
I too have heard this from my son. I really beleive he was completely sincere when he spoke those words "ill never use again". I don't believe he was lying, he just got pulled back in by his addiction. Your son may not be an addict, time will tell. However you might want to suggest Na or AA to him as a means of prevention. They are the only thing that works for my AS. When he stops going, he starts using. Prayers to you that this is your sons time.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: my own little world
Posts: 9,071
I was a drug abuser before I had kids. I too decided this wasnt the life for me and walked away. Thought it was over. Thats the good news.
The not as good news is it was 10 years later before I realized I had other issues to be addressed and I was deeply codependant and involved with an addict, that I just couldnt understand why he couldnt stop like I had and I had started using pain pills as a crutch to deal.
See if your son will get into counseling, group or idividual anyway, it could go along way it saving him more grief down the road
The not as good news is it was 10 years later before I realized I had other issues to be addressed and I was deeply codependant and involved with an addict, that I just couldnt understand why he couldnt stop like I had and I had started using pain pills as a crutch to deal.
See if your son will get into counseling, group or idividual anyway, it could go along way it saving him more grief down the road
Power is not having to respond
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
I applaud the openness you have with him. I hope he is serious for his own sake. Only time will tell if he means it.
Be careful not to allow yourself to be manipulated. Thats what drug addicts do.
If he needs rehabbing, you can check out what's in your state.
Good luck to you.
Be careful not to allow yourself to be manipulated. Thats what drug addicts do.
If he needs rehabbing, you can check out what's in your state.
Good luck to you.
Get Caught Reading
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Not in the boonies, thank God
Posts: 1,410
I'm praying it's a miracle for your son.
I'm glad your here and hope you continue to share.
I'm Linda and my addict is my 25 yo son.
You and your family are in my prayers tonight...
(((((Geretta))))))
Linda (64, too.) lol
krhea75
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: macomb, il
Posts: 644
Garetta,
I have heard similar words out of my son's mouth,but never has he been as open as it sounds like your son was. This shows a lot of courage. I would say, though, be wary. Believe him, but let his actions show you the truth. My pastor told me that teenagers are very passionate people, easily swayed. They may really mean what they say at the time which is why it's so tempting to believe them. But they can change so quickly. I think the others have given good advice. I hope he means what he says, but be prepared in case he doesn't.
krhea
I have heard similar words out of my son's mouth,but never has he been as open as it sounds like your son was. This shows a lot of courage. I would say, though, be wary. Believe him, but let his actions show you the truth. My pastor told me that teenagers are very passionate people, easily swayed. They may really mean what they say at the time which is why it's so tempting to believe them. But they can change so quickly. I think the others have given good advice. I hope he means what he says, but be prepared in case he doesn't.
krhea
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
i believe your son has to desire to quit. i am not sure he can do it on his own.maybe you could suggest some meetings for him or maybe a therapist.i hope he gets his miracle.i hope he makes it. i am saying a prayer for you & for him.hugs, hope
Mom to three
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 11
Thank you all so much
Thank you for responses, encouragement and suggestions. He and I had not talked about him going to meetings, but after reading your responses I made some phone calls and did some internet searches to get the information for meetings in our area. Looks like my son and I will have another chat.
He went out last night with a friend - and typically they end up staying at this friends house for the night, however, this morning when I awoke, he and the friend were both sleeping here in "my" living room. That is a first !
I will definately get him to attend meetings. It sounds like it's imperative that he do. My brother attends them and my son could go along with him to make him more comfortable.
Thank you all so much and you are all in my prayers and thoughts as well.
He went out last night with a friend - and typically they end up staying at this friends house for the night, however, this morning when I awoke, he and the friend were both sleeping here in "my" living room. That is a first !
I will definately get him to attend meetings. It sounds like it's imperative that he do. My brother attends them and my son could go along with him to make him more comfortable.
Thank you all so much and you are all in my prayers and thoughts as well.
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Calif
Posts: 1,007
Hi Gerette
I hope and pray your son means what he says. I'm sure it gives you hope that things will be ok in the future.
Unfortunately, my son has never been able to promise anything like that. Been way too many years for him I guess. Right now he is still incarcerated and is always talking about how he hopes things will be; however, he comes right out and says, I just cannot promise I will never do drugs again. He says, as much as he would like to say that he just doesn't know what the future holds.
Prayers coming your way that your son stays on that path.
Hugs, Devastated
Unfortunately, my son has never been able to promise anything like that. Been way too many years for him I guess. Right now he is still incarcerated and is always talking about how he hopes things will be; however, he comes right out and says, I just cannot promise I will never do drugs again. He says, as much as he would like to say that he just doesn't know what the future holds.
Prayers coming your way that your son stays on that path.
Hugs, Devastated
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
I believe addiction is a progressive condition... and I do believe it is easier to give up the substance earlier in the "curve"... IF a person can accept that they are truly addicts at that point (a big "IF").
I gave up drinking in 1983... only a short 10 years into my addiction. My "motivation" to quit was -
1. I was married (my drinking included... ah... "dating".... a lot) and
2. I wanted kids - more than anything in the world.
So I had enough motivation AND it was early enough in the progression of my condition that I was able to quit. Does that make me "not" an addict? Heh heh... Yeah - that's what I used to think.
Then I joined Alanon, and my sponsor "warned" me that I might find a few other areas in which I became "obsessive". I started looking at my other behaviors a little more critically....
I used to teach aerobics. I started out at 2 days a week...but found myself working out more and more often - soon, every weekday and then coming to town on the weekends to get in an "extra" day... and sometimes going twice a day. It may be a factor in why my knees are failing at a pretty young age.
I am a compulsive overeater... probably my first "addiction". I have not conquered this one - but I am working on it... so far, the toughest of the bunch.
I gambled when my kid was at her worst - the worse she was, the more often I was 'destressing' out at the casino. It "took my mind off her".
I took Percoset following surgery and NEVER ONCE took it as directed... sure, I never exceeded the total number of pills per day prescribed... but I took them all at once in the evenings - for the effect. When the first script ran out... I got "sick"... can you say "drug withdrawal"??
I share this because those things helped convince me to look back on my drinking career and admit... in public and to myself... that I am an alcoholic. I am an addict. I tend to do those things in many areas..... even though I was able to quit that first addiction relatively easily.
If your son can get to some 12-step meetings, I would urge him to attend a few with an open mind.... perhaps not as a way to "quit", but looking at it as a way to continue to "live".
And I wish you both the very best.
((((BIGhugs)))))
I gave up drinking in 1983... only a short 10 years into my addiction. My "motivation" to quit was -
1. I was married (my drinking included... ah... "dating".... a lot) and
2. I wanted kids - more than anything in the world.
So I had enough motivation AND it was early enough in the progression of my condition that I was able to quit. Does that make me "not" an addict? Heh heh... Yeah - that's what I used to think.
Then I joined Alanon, and my sponsor "warned" me that I might find a few other areas in which I became "obsessive". I started looking at my other behaviors a little more critically....
I used to teach aerobics. I started out at 2 days a week...but found myself working out more and more often - soon, every weekday and then coming to town on the weekends to get in an "extra" day... and sometimes going twice a day. It may be a factor in why my knees are failing at a pretty young age.
I am a compulsive overeater... probably my first "addiction". I have not conquered this one - but I am working on it... so far, the toughest of the bunch.
I gambled when my kid was at her worst - the worse she was, the more often I was 'destressing' out at the casino. It "took my mind off her".
I took Percoset following surgery and NEVER ONCE took it as directed... sure, I never exceeded the total number of pills per day prescribed... but I took them all at once in the evenings - for the effect. When the first script ran out... I got "sick"... can you say "drug withdrawal"??
I share this because those things helped convince me to look back on my drinking career and admit... in public and to myself... that I am an alcoholic. I am an addict. I tend to do those things in many areas..... even though I was able to quit that first addiction relatively easily.
If your son can get to some 12-step meetings, I would urge him to attend a few with an open mind.... perhaps not as a way to "quit", but looking at it as a way to continue to "live".
And I wish you both the very best.
((((BIGhugs)))))
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
