I haven't talked to my mom in 3 days
Power is not having to respond
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
I haven't talked to my mom in 3 days
I am beginning to feel guilty.
I had told her I would try to help her move, but my schedule changed and I only get one day off work.
SHe got upset, I got upset that she got upset.
SHe tells me, she doesnt have to listen to that tone of voice.
LOL, I tell her, ok, Bye.
I haven't called back
SHe always plays the passive aggressive role.
There are times I hate her and times I hate myself for hating her.
Shes a 30yr RA
Why does the mother daughter relatioship have to be so painful?
I had told her I would try to help her move, but my schedule changed and I only get one day off work.
SHe got upset, I got upset that she got upset.
SHe tells me, she doesnt have to listen to that tone of voice.
LOL, I tell her, ok, Bye.
I haven't called back
SHe always plays the passive aggressive role.
There are times I hate her and times I hate myself for hating her.
Shes a 30yr RA
Why does the mother daughter relatioship have to be so painful?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: GO PENS
Posts: 1,151
Wascally,
Try not to feel guilty. I'm sure you would help your mom if you could. I think Marle is right take this time to let go of the guilt. This little bit of space is what you both need right now.
Hugs.............Lo
Try not to feel guilty. I'm sure you would help your mom if you could. I think Marle is right take this time to let go of the guilt. This little bit of space is what you both need right now.
Hugs.............Lo
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Wascally,
Guilt is a self-imposed emotion, only you can make yourself feel guilt.
You know my story with my Mom, the 82 year old alcoholic, there have been times we did not talk, once for 4 years, another for 10. They were the most peaceful years of my life. Not saying you should do this. This tactic is not for everyone.
Wouldn't hurt to step back for a few more days, and, get your emotions in order.
Guilt is a self-imposed emotion, only you can make yourself feel guilt.
You know my story with my Mom, the 82 year old alcoholic, there have been times we did not talk, once for 4 years, another for 10. They were the most peaceful years of my life. Not saying you should do this. This tactic is not for everyone.
Wouldn't hurt to step back for a few more days, and, get your emotions in order.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
When I find myself in a situation like this, more often than not I call the other person to clear the air.
In the OLD days (before recovery) I called because I was so terrified that the other person might not like me.... or was angry with me... so I would apologize until I was blue in the face and do what I could do to "make her feel better". Now I know that was really about making HER feel better so I could feel better.
Now that I have a fair amount of recovery, I often still make the call, but for different reasons. Step 10 says "Continue to take a personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admited it"... or in simpler terms, keep my side of the street clean. When I find myself uncomfortable after a call or conversation, I take time to examine MY part. If I need to make amends, I do so. However, I have also learned that sometimes the other person's discomfort is due to his/her knocking up against one of my boundaries.... and that person's feelings are about them and not about me. If it's a boundary issue, I have nothing to apologize for.
Two of my best and greatest Al Anon lessons are
(1) I am not responsible for someone else's feelings; and
(2) What other people think about me is really none of my business.
WITH all that said, the mother daughter relationship can certainly be a stickey wicket.
HUGS
Cats
In the OLD days (before recovery) I called because I was so terrified that the other person might not like me.... or was angry with me... so I would apologize until I was blue in the face and do what I could do to "make her feel better". Now I know that was really about making HER feel better so I could feel better.
Now that I have a fair amount of recovery, I often still make the call, but for different reasons. Step 10 says "Continue to take a personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admited it"... or in simpler terms, keep my side of the street clean. When I find myself uncomfortable after a call or conversation, I take time to examine MY part. If I need to make amends, I do so. However, I have also learned that sometimes the other person's discomfort is due to his/her knocking up against one of my boundaries.... and that person's feelings are about them and not about me. If it's a boundary issue, I have nothing to apologize for.
Two of my best and greatest Al Anon lessons are
(1) I am not responsible for someone else's feelings; and
(2) What other people think about me is really none of my business.
WITH all that said, the mother daughter relationship can certainly be a stickey wicket.
HUGS
Cats
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
