laketime

Well Ive Posted About As Being In The Oxford House. Wednesday Will Be One Month. Which Even Though I Dont Know As I Havent Been To The House, Their Rules Are He Has To Be Clean Or They Throw Him Out. I Dont Know How They Enforce This Rule. Anyway He Sit Around Almost Three Weeks Without A Job. So Last Week He Got One, Didnt Like It Got Another One Saturday. Anyway He Called Today And Is Out Of Food, Gas Cards Again , And The First Months Rent I Paid Upfront Is Due Again.he Wont Get Paid Until Wednesday. Im Pissed About Him Waiting So Long To Find A Job, But Theres Nothing Anyone Can Do About That Now. So Im Sending Him Another 50 Walmart Card, A 100 Gas Card And Paying 50 More On His Rent. I Feel Like An Enabler, But He Is Still In The House, And He Is Working. Which For Him Is Huge, Clean And Working At The Same Time. My Wish For Him Is To Be Totally Self Dependent, Because This Is Where Self Esteem/self Worth Comes From. So I Guess Im Thinking Of Myself As Weaning Him A Little At A Time. Honestly It May Be Partially Out Of A Little Unwarranted But Never The Less Lurking Guilt Of Mine. I Just Bought His Older Brother A New Car As A Graduation Present, He Graduates In December With An Accounting Degree. I Havent Heard From As About This Yet, But I Know The Manipulating Mind Of The Addict. Anyway As The Song Says Im Just Wasting Away Again In Codieville, By The Great Jimmy Buffett. Thanks For Letting Me Ramble

MsPINKAcres

Take care of you Lake!!

Rita

parentrecovers

it takes awhile to work out the money part of independence i think. my daughter takes a few steps forward, a few back, etc.

clean and sober helps though, so be grateful for that.

a few things we did when we were giving ours survival money - we set an allowance time - every 2 weeks was our set up - as long as she was in recovery. we had her write out where every penny went, even with gift cards. and went over it with her at the end of the allowance time, before any more allowance was given out. she did not like this, but we told her - it's our money and we have a right to know where it is going. it taught her some basic budgeting skills anyway..

blessings, k

patchoulli

I would have done the same thing. Is it the right thing to do? Is he an idiot for waiting til the last sec?[well, yes to this one]. But he is sober, he is working. Do what you feel is right..

caileesnana

Baby steps!! He is there, clean and now working. This is an accomplishment, however small in our mind. I'm proud of him. Under the same circumstances, I would have done the same.

I like the idea above about the allowance...great idea.

susan

hope213

so he is now working.you need to sit him down & set some boundries on when you will stop giving to him finacially.clean & sober is a great place to be but still as long as he can depend on you do support him he will.that is what most children do to there parents.your youngest son earned his car.it was a gift & not a hand out.this is only my opinion. i know u are proud of him for sticking with the program & i hjope he continues to do well.prayers for u both,

PaperDolls

Just FYI: My mom lived in 2 (or 3?) different Oxford Houses in my area. She was kicked out of both for drinking. They called her out very quickly. Hopefully the place your son is at will be the same.

I wish you luck!

hugs

Lobo

Lake........we always lower our expectations when we know they are sober and trying. I would do the same thing.......SOBER means a lot.
Lo

marle

Lake, What you are doing is still cheaper than if you were paying for a rehab. And he is clean and in a good place. Hugs, Marle