ladyamalthea

Or at least it was supposed to be a happy day...

I went to see ras today (actually went up last night so I could be there in the morning). We got up, dropped my car off at the mechanic's shop b/c my engine light was on, and went to have a gay old time eat breakfast, thinking my car just needed some minor adjustment or something...

About the time we finished eating breakfast, the mechanic calls me back and tells me that my car is basically totaled. Huh? I had no idea there was anything really wrong with it... but the engine is irreparable, something about compression... so, hubby and I start stressing before I even get home about how we're going to afford another car payment at the moment (which we really probably can, we're just stressing b/c we're not used to having a mortgage payment either, but we will have both in the next two months... the money is there, it's just sticker shock I guess). My old car was paid in full, so this is a huge jump for us.

Meanwhile, mom and I are butting heads b/c she was blaming me for some stupid stuff she did (too long and drawn out to explain here, but basically she was mad at me over a fight her and ras got into, which I had nothing to do with). I'm STILL trying to hold my tongue and not butt in to her control issues, but it's getting harder and harder b/c she's mad at me for not backing her in being a control freak...

Suddenly, it's about time to go home. My dad offers to let me borrow one of their vehicles for a few days, and I politely decline because I'm really not comfortable driving any of their gigantic vans the 2 hrs home when all I've ever driven is a little 2 door coupe, although I do appreciate the offer.

Boy, was that a mistake. I get 17 miles down the road and the engine overheats, and the car stops. I manage to make it off the interstate and almost onto the main road (barely still on the exit ramp), but this makes for even more stress at this point because while I'm waiting for the police to come help me move my car, I'm also having to stand behind my car and wave people around me, since the hazard lights and the smoke pouring out of the front don't give it away or anything.

I finally get back to mom and dad's house an hour later, only to get caught in the middle of a bad, bad trap. Dad is not holding his tongue with mom's controlling behaviors; he tells her that she has got to stop dictating to ras and start discussing with her. Mom immediately shifts her entire body to face me, deliberately makes eye contact with me, and asks a question regarding the topic that started the earlier argument. I told her I refused to discuss that because I didn't want another fight to spark, and she puts it on me, saying, "Well, I just asked you a question." Just asked a question, my foot! I knew what she was doing, and at that point I could no longer control myself. I blurted out:

"No, you were simply trying to change the subject so that you could avoid Dad's advice, which, by the way, is excellent advice at that. You're pushing her away when you dictate to her like that; I know that look, and this is not helping!"

Mom was so upset, she got up and left the room. I could tell she was crying, but I could not muster the strength to apologize, because I was still angry that she was trying to spark the argument from earlier so I could again be the bad guy. I don't even live there. Don't villainize me!

So now, I have managed to upset my mom, destroy my car, and exhaust my spirits in one day.

I can honestly say, though, that HP was with me today, because there are several things that could have gone horribly worse than they did... maybe I'll come back and make a list of the things I'm thankful for when I'm not so drained. They're there, I am just so exhausted right now...

At least ras seems to be doing well.

Wascally Wabbit

I have a similar mom. so, I understand the frustration with her.
But, tomorrow is a new day. You got all the bad stuff out of the way already!!
Enjoy the day tomorrow.

nevergivingup

I used to have issues like this all the time with my mom. She was sick when I was growing up, and then decided at 20-something she was going to start being a parent and essentially sought out to control every aspect of my life. Like you, I thought just avoiding it and yes-ing her would eventually bring it to the point that it would all just go away. But, that didn't happen. It eventually got to the point that she and I were at odds constantly. Finally, like yourself I just told her it was. And continued telling her like it was. Our relationship has gotten much better as a result.

And boy to I know about the whole car stuff! LOL! But, hopefully you'll be able to find something reliable that will get you back and forth. Me.... I decided to get a new car since I just couldn't deal with all the repair stuff anymore. My car would break down EVERY month and it would cost at $500/month to get it fixed.

In the meanwhile, just breathe..... these things will get easier as you work the program!

ladyamalthea

I promised to come back and post why I know HP was there, so here it is...

- I mysteriously got a check from an old job a couple of weeks ago that I had been saving, so the cost of the tow truck was no big deal
- I was able to make it to an exit before the car stopped on me. I was in control of the car's movement, and because I was where I was, I did not have to worry about being hit by another driver
- The car did not catch on fire, which it easily could have with all the liquid that was all over the place
- The tow truck cost significantly less than I expected it to
- Just when I felt completely alone in the matter, a perfect stranger stopped to offer moral support and ask if she could help (hilarious, this girl reminded me a lot of someone from my OA meeting)
- The police were taking their merry time getting there to help me move the car off of the street, and a storm was coming in... two good samaritans stopped and eagerly helped me move my car into the nearest parking lot
- The tow truck was amazingly swift coming to my aid (AND he actually got there before the rain began to fall)
- My husband was wonderfully soothing for me tonight- full of hugs and encouragement

See... so many things that could have been worse that weren't...

And thanks to HP, I am safely at home right now and able to (relatively) peacefully get some sleep

ncdeac

I'm sorry you had such a crappy day but I'm so proud that you were able to find the good in it. I'm going through a pretty rough time right now (that has nothing to do with my AH, it's all about my job) and I just want to have a good old fashioned pity party right now. Instead I should do exactly what you did and list all the things I have to be grateful for. Thanks for the reminder!!!!!

marle

Lady, I was that control freak mother, so I understand. I grew up with an alcoholic dad and basically felt like I had little control over my life. So as I grew I became extremely controlling. See if I controlled things, then nothing bad would happen. Had to find out the hard way that is not the case. Maybe your mom is similar. Anyway, I hope that today brings some nice surprises to you and I bet you will enjoy whatever new car you get. I enjoyed your gratitude list. Hugs, Marle