justme

God I havent been here in such a long time. But the feeling of hurt and anger feel like yesterday. Well my adh has been sober for about 1 1/2 because he was in prison and he just got out we always argued but drugs didn't help. Now he has been out for about 1 week and we got into another agruement I really have changed and he wants to blame me. I try to communicate but he goes into his wall mode.
I really think maybe its just to late. Maybe we just have to much baggage from the past and it is not repairable. I just don't want to feel this way. I have been so strong without him and it kills me that I can crumble so fast. What has happened to me. I don't want to be weak. I am so disappointed with myself.........

hope213

honey,that happens alot of times when our husbands are out of the picture.you are strong because you have had to be & that is a good thing.set your boundries with him & stick to them.my son is the addict in my life & he has been in & out of prison.my son blamed his wife for everything.that is what addicts do.it may not get any better for you,he may not change at all.this has been going on with my son & his wife for the pass 12 yrs.(they have been married 10) & my son has a court date coming up again..he will be gone again.decide what you want in life & go for it.i am praying for you & for him.let me know how things are going.hugs,hope

cinderellawkids

When my AH got out of prison last November it took a week for the old to fall back into place. We are now separated. Even though his use is no longer constant he's less able to hold a job and quicker to anger and much more violent if I try to communicate. As sad as it is, sometimes we have to let them go, and its not easy cause they still come crying and begging

Ann

Sometimes the damage is repairable and sometimes it is not. It takes two people to make a relationship work, and you both have a lot of adjusting to do right now. Have you thought of joint counselling? Sometimes that can help you decide if this has any hope of healing.

My prayers go out for you, this can't be a good time for either of you. Hang on to your recovery, it's not lost it's just being tested right now.

And know that we're here and we care.

Hugs

BigSis

I agree with Ann... if you both are willing to work, it can be done. But it takes 2.

There are many ways to do counseling, too... Marriage Encounter weekends used to be pretty popular (you might google the term). Additionally, some couples do well in 12-step programs together... you might try attending Alanon - it helps me, and surprisingly, it helps with my marriage... even tho my "qualifiers" were my 2 kids.

I wish you well.

eaglesgirl

He has 1.5 years of forced sobriety?
Did he seek any help while he was there for his addiction? They do have N.A. available in jail...

If he didn't seek any help for his addiction, then his behaviors and addictive traits will still be there, he will still deal with things the same way... When my AH had some forced clean time, the behaviors were ten times worse, and he didn't have anything to blame it on because he WAS clean...he just didnt know how to deal with things...

Until my AH started to work a program, and really work it for himself, not just to please me or placate me...his attitude and behaviors didn't start to change...

If you want to save the marraige...it can be done with alot of work...
Sometimes, it just isnt meant to be...

Whatever you decide to do...do it for yourself...

You are worth it.