ScarednScarred

No one is powerless. I believe that if i take the right steps i can help him and he will quit. I know there are alot of things i can do actually. Interventions, talking to him, persuasion i will succeed in killing his habbits. I know old habbits die hard but i am willing to fight till im face up in a casket to save him and his family and our family. I will take the steps i need to take as soon as i find the first one.

ladyamalthea

I know it is hard to accept, but the other posts are right. There is nothing wrong with your position of being determined to help your brother. I just don't want to see you go through the same pain I went through. I was just as determined as you are now to fix this myself. You can talk to him, you can put together an intervention, you can do everything in your power to help him. Unfortunately, all of those things combined do not add up to much.

My heart really goes out to you, because I know how you feel, believe me I do. Just remember that your brother is an adult and there is just nothing else you can do than talk to him, and talking is probably not going to work because his mind is somewhere else.

Keep posting here, as we all want to be there for you!

teke

hi sorry that you are going through all of this, i'm a recovering addict married to an addict of 21 yrs and i almost lost my sanity trying to convince my addict husband that he needed help. sorry but i do agree with the others.

it took for my family to back away and allow me to suffer the consequences of my own actions, before i could get to the place where i could realize that my life had become unmanagable and that i needed some kind of help if i wanted to save my own life. today, i'm eternally grateful to them for that. i do believe that as long as they were there to pick of the piecies for me, then i would not have found that determining drive that it took for me to want to get better.

you are right, it is a matter of choice, and that choice belongs solely to the addict, have you read the stickies at the top of the forum, we recommend alanon or naranon meetings for families, maybe you could find some in your area. they are very supportive also.

ScarednScarred

I cant watch him suffer. Me and my brother are so close that to watch him suffer is equal to letting my self suffer. I dont see how you can do that to a family member as close as a daughter or a brother. I think that what your saying is wrong. my brother has a very addictive personality, once he tries somthing its hard for him to stop by himself, so letting him be and letting him suffer the concequences of his actions, in my mind, is pretty much assisted suicide. I am my brothers keeper just as he is my keeper and I will never let him suffer. I always have his back no matter what. God doesn't exist and praying doesn't help, human action is the only thing that makes any difference an thats what I'm going to do

bookmiser

(((ScaredandScarred)))




I'm sorry for the pain and anguish your feeling over the loss of your brother.
The brother you used to know. The truth is, you don't have/know that brother anymore.
After becoming addicted to drugs, the person we love becomes almost a stranger.
The things they do, say, believe, are so inconceivable. My son robbed my home. Robbed my home! I don't have much, but what I do have, I worked my a$$ off to get, and for him to just break in and take what he wanted to sell for drugs. This is not my, (son) in my case. I need to fix him. Help him. Beg and plead with him to stop. I need to pay for doctors, clinics, hospitals, rehabilitations, detox, and maybe even jail. Whatever it takes to make him stop using drugs and killing himself.
Well, good luck with that.
Addiction is a disease. No ifs, ands, or buts. My son would have never, never, have done the things he's done if his brain weren't diseased.
I used to be just plain dumb about addiction. Not anymore. Soberrecovery saved me. Meetings saved me. Learning about addiction, recovery, and codependency saved me.
My son and I have a good relationship. Still. I would have done anything to save him.
I almost did. I almost "saved" him right into his grave.
Thank God, yeah, God, took over, and I let him. Now I go to God when I'm feeling sad, heartbroken, and feel like jumping right back up and start "saving" my son again.
Because there is no way I will ever go back to wearing that martyr t-shirt I looked so good in again. It could cost my son his life. Addiction- You didn't cause it.
You can't control it. You can't cure it.
All said with heartfelt care and understanding,


p.s. Keep comin' back.

raerae6

Has your brother talked at all about wanting to quit?

tropikgal2

Bookmiser nailed it on the head.

marle

Welcome, I am the mother of an addict daughter, 21. I have done everything that you are thinking about doing to try and save my daughter. She is currently living in a seedy motel with her 37 year old crack addicted boyfriend. I say boyfriend loosely because he supplies all her drugs. Kind of tough to beat that. I will not even try anymore because I can't. I can only change the behavior of one person and that person is me. Have you ever known someone that is a cigarette smoker. Have you ever tried to convince that person that smoking was going to kill them. What was their reaction. Now multiply that 100 times. That is the power of drugs. What about yourself. Have you any behaviors that you need to address. Sometimes we focus so much on the addict because we don't want to focus on ourselves. Learn about addiction. There are many great books out there. A good one to start with is "An Addict in the Family". Addiction is a family disease and you are deep in the middle of it. Your brother will do what he wants to do and you chasing him around will only have you going in circles. It will not change what he will do. In fact, the more you chase the farther away he will run. That is the nature of addiction. Addicts avoid anyone that wants to break through their denial. Take care of you. Hugs, Marle

bookmiser

(((((Scared)))))

I woke up this morning thinking about you, what I said to you, and how that "anger" wasn't even about you. I came across as some kinda nut job. "Oh, yeah. I got allllll the answers". Not! I felt bad this morning because I know exactly how you feel.
It was a few years ago,but the pain and memories of it are still strong. You are gonna feel this way for a while. It took me years.
If someone would have come across the table at me like I did you last night, so early in my own recovery, I would have said, "Hey! Screw you! I don't need this crap". Then I woulda ran for the hills.
Anyway, I'm sorry for coming on so strong. I think I'm just trying to protect you from the pain and anguish that addiction causes everyone. Not just the addict, but the ones who love him/her, too.
I'm still dealing with alot of my own issues concerning my son.
I hope that you stick around, read around, and get to know us. We're really good people. (When we're not shoving recovery down someone's throat. lol)
We all have different beliefs. If we all thought the same and were on the same page, recovery wise, how would any of us shed some light? Be able to offer support and understanding? Walk the road together?
Okay, I'm done for now. lol
I am-your new sr. buddy,
Linda