Growth
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: my own little world
Posts: 9,071
Growth
You know how a seed starts out, you water it and water and see no progress, you continue to care for it/ After some time you start to see a little green seedling grow and peak out of the soil. Throughout the plants growth there are sudden rapid times where it grows 6 inches over night and then nothing.
Thats how I feel about me.
Over the last several years Ive taken in knowledge and applied it, seemingly at times with little growth, little steps, slipping back to old patterns.
A few weeks ago, it was a constant topic at my alanon meetings from the same woman who said "Now if people dont want to be around me, fine I dont care, but with that attitude and no more self pity it seemed more and more people liked her company." She stopped dwelling on the negatives. The first meeting she spoke at her mannerisms turned me off, every meeting she seemed to say the same thing with adding a little extra. 2 weeks ago I was off doing my own thing, got that sad little voice in my head that almost stopped me from going to a party, and I heard her voice "consider yourself a privelege to eb with, and if hes not there screw him"
A sudden attitude change occurred and I walked into the gathering shoulders high and smiling (something for years I didnt do). The most amazing thing happened, old acquaintences were thrilled to see me, The more I smiled the more content I felt. I left feeling/knowing I was very loved and many people commented how good it was to see me happy and how different I looked.
As the next few weeks have gone by I held tight to those feelings. That woman and I have been to different meetings and I look forward to see ing her again. Just when I thougt Id grown, I see even more, a lot more for years I was told life's about attitude, I never got it.
After running into an old friend yesterday I decided to attend my place of worship yesterday for a study group. I ignored the nagging voices in my head and walked in shoulders held high, same result as the get together, I sat there with the realization that I really do ahve friends and people that value my company, it may be the frst time in my life, I had just been continuing to allow my insecurities and shame push me away, there was NO reason for it.
Again I heard it commented that over the past few months Ive grown intoa beautiful woman, happy and content. That set me back for a moment "me-happy content" I never thought about it but you know for the first time ever, I am.
Even AH when he comes around treats me different. Why cause in a nice calm way I demand respect , I let off a different aurora.
Today this little seedling has become a beautiful flower
Thats how I feel about me.
Over the last several years Ive taken in knowledge and applied it, seemingly at times with little growth, little steps, slipping back to old patterns.
A few weeks ago, it was a constant topic at my alanon meetings from the same woman who said "Now if people dont want to be around me, fine I dont care, but with that attitude and no more self pity it seemed more and more people liked her company." She stopped dwelling on the negatives. The first meeting she spoke at her mannerisms turned me off, every meeting she seemed to say the same thing with adding a little extra. 2 weeks ago I was off doing my own thing, got that sad little voice in my head that almost stopped me from going to a party, and I heard her voice "consider yourself a privelege to eb with, and if hes not there screw him"
A sudden attitude change occurred and I walked into the gathering shoulders high and smiling (something for years I didnt do). The most amazing thing happened, old acquaintences were thrilled to see me, The more I smiled the more content I felt. I left feeling/knowing I was very loved and many people commented how good it was to see me happy and how different I looked.
As the next few weeks have gone by I held tight to those feelings. That woman and I have been to different meetings and I look forward to see ing her again. Just when I thougt Id grown, I see even more, a lot more for years I was told life's about attitude, I never got it.
After running into an old friend yesterday I decided to attend my place of worship yesterday for a study group. I ignored the nagging voices in my head and walked in shoulders held high, same result as the get together, I sat there with the realization that I really do ahve friends and people that value my company, it may be the frst time in my life, I had just been continuing to allow my insecurities and shame push me away, there was NO reason for it.
Again I heard it commented that over the past few months Ive grown intoa beautiful woman, happy and content. That set me back for a moment "me-happy content" I never thought about it but you know for the first time ever, I am.
Even AH when he comes around treats me different. Why cause in a nice calm way I demand respect , I let off a different aurora.
Today this little seedling has become a beautiful flower
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Wishin' I was on the Beach!
Posts: 1,415
Thank you for your post. I need to hold my shoulders a little higher myself and
quit feeling ashamed and 2nd best to everyone else because of how my life has turned out and my poor financial situation.
quit feeling ashamed and 2nd best to everyone else because of how my life has turned out and my poor financial situation.
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