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Dating-How long to wait?

Old 06-18-2007, 01:45 PM
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Question Dating-How long to wait?

Hi, I have been thinking lately about the idea of dating again some day. It's been 4 months and I don't feel ready. I haven't met anyone, so that isn't why I'm thinking about it, either....I just wonder when I will know I'm ready?

Sometimes I wonder if I ever will again?

I'm so afraid of making a bad choice again.

So I was just wondering how long other people here waited to date after breaking it off with the ex addict.
And what was it like when you started again?

Did you have major trust issues?

I would like to hear other's experiences of dating after the addict was out of thier life.

Last edited by raerae6; 06-18-2007 at 02:15 PM.
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Old 06-18-2007, 03:12 PM
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I am old.. and I am having the same questions. Can't imagine anyone asking me out for any reason beyond friendship, but you never know.

Been 8 months for me.. and I am really afraid and not ready.. may not ever be either. But I wonder the same questions...

Looking for the same answers.
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Old 06-18-2007, 03:27 PM
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I think you will know when you're ready.
I've had two failed marriages (makes you want to just jump at my advice , huh? )
It took about a year after the first...he was the father of my three kids and I felt that moving on in a way was betraying the kids. This is all the while knowing that he left me for someone else. Go figure.

The second time was not near as much hurt...it was my decision. And I knew I had to move on well before I did, so deciding to date wasn't as scary.

I've been hurt...some worse than others. And I know I've hurt some others.
Each relationshiop was a learning experience that makes me who I am, and made me the "perfect" mate for my BF of today.

If this one pulls one over on me I'll have to kill him.
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Old 06-18-2007, 04:05 PM
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I didn't have a date for 7 months, and I wasn't looking, the new guy just kinda appeared, he asked me out, we have been dating for the last 5 months...he's a non-drinker, non druggie, we are having fun, just dating nothing serious on my part, made that clear. I am older than dirt, soon to be 60 and he is 45, a boy toy, but so sweet and attentive...the poor boy likes older women.

You'll know when you are ready and believe me, your never too old, to enjoy life..
at my age I don't need that lov'in feeling, I am just one of those old gals who want to have fun...and fun it is.

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Old 06-18-2007, 05:53 PM
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Hmmmmm.........I think you'll know when you're ready. I was apart from my ex for about 6 to 8 months. Of course I met Noah here and we had been friends for a long while even before my ex and I split. But the friendship just grew. It just happened. Let it just happen. You have enough experience behind you now to be able to "know" when it's right or wrong........or even if you think you're ready and it ends up you're not. The possibilities are endless.
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Old 06-18-2007, 06:13 PM
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There isn't any hard and set rule; as with anything else that relates to an addict and addiction, consider things on "my time", meaning it depends on just how YOU feel and when YOU feel ready. Like the others said, you will know.

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Old 06-18-2007, 08:29 PM
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Originally Posted by dollydo View Post
at my age I don't need that lov'in feeling,
(Sigh) "That lovin feeling" is the part I miss....real bad! LOL

They tell people in AA to wait a year, so I hought maybe since I'm in codependent recovery.....
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Old 06-18-2007, 08:40 PM
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I actually had a date last week. It was a start. I do find myself hypervigilant regarding alcohol or drug use. I feel like sister Mary Mary...Marian
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Old 06-19-2007, 12:57 AM
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Originally Posted by dollydo View Post

I am older than dirt, soon to be 60 and he is 45, a boy toy, but so sweet and attentive...the poor boy likes older women.

I also attract men who are much younger than myself...for some weird reason after I turned forty that started to happen. Why this is I don't know.

My ex was much younger than me and before I met him i dated a few other guys who were younger. The ones I met who were my age or older seemed to be lacking in seduction skills...tried to jump on me right away-very crude.

I asked some of them why they want to date someone as old as me and they said there is less drama with a woman who is older. Younger guys can be more fun to be sure, more spontaneous, but also more immature. I just want someone who is more stable, but at the same time I don't want someone who is still listening exclusively to the classic rock they liked in high school and stuck in thier ways.
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Old 06-19-2007, 01:01 AM
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Question

Originally Posted by Lovestoomuch View Post
Of course I met Noah here and we had been friends for a long while even before my ex and I split. .

Loves, are you saying that the Noah who posts here is the Noah that is your man now?
If so, did you meet through SR?
Just curious.
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Old 06-19-2007, 04:58 AM
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I figure if a man is not mature by 45 he'll never be mature, and there are many like that.

I'm not into the "But, I love him" stuff anymore, however, a little sex now and then keeps the old gray mare young.
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Old 06-19-2007, 04:58 AM
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Funny you all mentioned it. My BF is 7 years younger. My ex was 8. We just seem to have more in common.
Heck, the ones the same age as me (soon to be 47) are busy trying to pick up the 25 year olds...no kidding!
BF says he likes my independence and stability (no, he didn't mean a walker ; ) )
((((Hugs))))
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Old 06-19-2007, 04:59 AM
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Dolly...you're cracking me up!
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Old 06-19-2007, 05:07 AM
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Raerae, I'd say if you think you might be ready, try going it slow. Just go out with someone for coffee, lunch, or some "no pressure" type thing. Just because you chose to have some company doesn't mean you are obligated to that person for anything.
Or, like Dolly says, if you're just horny....well, just pick the cutest young thing you can find...and......uh oh, I'm getting carried away here....... (wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more!)
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Old 06-19-2007, 05:42 AM
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Originally Posted by dollydo View Post
I figure if a man is not mature by 45 he'll never be mature, and there are many like that.
You are so RIGHT.
Fact is lately I have been thinking MOST never mature..... LOL

Well, my thinking is if it happens it happens.. if not, then that is OK too.

BTW that "lovin' feelin' " is what I want to avoid.. does nuthin' for me but bring on the trouble!
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Old 06-19-2007, 06:39 AM
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I went out with an alcoholic without realising and it lied all the time. I'm still single and it takes me a while to trust people.

I am very scared of making a bad choice again but feel I will know better next time.
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Old 06-19-2007, 08:51 AM
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Don't date. Find yourself first. Then if you meet some lucky guy, have your friends and family go over him FIRST and then print out the info at the top of the sticky's about red flags on a guy and go through them with a fine tooth comb.
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Old 06-19-2007, 09:09 AM
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Originally Posted by raerae6 View Post
Loves, are you saying that the Noah who posts here is the Noah that is your man now?
If so, did you meet through SR?
Just curious.

The one and only!

SR has had a couple "love stories", and ours was one of them.

After talking on board for about a year, we started talking on the phone for about 6 months or so......maybe longer. Can you fall in love with someone on the phone. Yes, and we did. Some think it's dangerous, but I knew him before I ever met him. How did we finally meet? That man drove all the way from Texas to Florida to rescue me from iminent danger on the count of my ex. He was on his way to Florida to either kidnap me or hurt me..........and as fate would have it, Noah got me out of here exactly 1 week before my ex showed up and got in my house. I was able to have him arrested from a safe distance.

Niether of us was looking for anything. It just happened..........slowly too.

Despite how he may come off here from time to time, he is a caring, loving, honest and compssionate man who would give you the shirt off his back. .......and BTW.....also younger than myself LOL.
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Old 06-19-2007, 03:15 PM
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Wink

Originally Posted by tropikgal2 View Post
Or, like Dolly says, if you're just horny....well, just pick the cutest young thing you can find...and......uh oh, I'm getting carried away here....... (wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more!)

Well, yeah, that's what I'm talkin' about....I'm not even wanting the whole deep relationship thing...
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Old 06-20-2007, 02:56 AM
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Smile

Originally Posted by Lovestoomuch View Post
The one and only!

Despite how he may come off here from time to time, he is a caring, loving, honest and compssionate man who would give you the shirt off his back. .......and BTW.....also younger than myself LOL.
i don't know what your talking about "how he comes off here" or what ever..i remember he was one of the kind people who first helped me on here by responding to my origional post...very helpful...

It sounds like this man was truely your knight in shining armour for real!!!

You are very fortunate (and so is he!) and that is such a great story!
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