cece1960

I know in the grand scheme of things this isn't a "big" issue.

I've been trying to practice compassion for others. I refuse to harbour hate, I just don't think its healthy for me.

This weekend is my youngest son's graduation party (HS graduation). He deserves a special day...he earned it.

I got a call from my daughter today, seems ex's brother, a true sociopath with a crack problem to boot is planning on coming. The party is at my ex's, I've invited very few. I did however, agree to make the food. I have it planned and although I wasn't expecting the crowd my ex says will come (100 ?!) I will make what I agreed to make and it will be plenty. (Ex has a reputation of going overboard) Ex BIL calls to "tell" daughter what he plans on cooking, for her to "tell" me.

I hate this man...there, I said it. And I don't like myself for the thoughts that ran through my head today. Its not about the food, really, its about him, as a person, and my triggers and all the rest.
Geez...the last "contact" we had was when he called me out of the blue and said "Your baby boy is doing heroin...what are you going to do about THAT?"

This was followed a short time later by a fist fight between he and my son over which is worse...crack addict or heroin addict.
Can you get any lower as an uncle?

I don't like myself alot right now, because I hate him.
I have 4.5 days to work through this.
I refuse to let him get to me...

Thanks for listening.

Here_I_Am

I hear your pain in that post. You were right when you said that your daughter deserves a party and she is going to have it! Don't let this "Uncle" have any part of your thoughts or you will have negative memories of what can be a beautiful celebration of hard work. Send him thoughts of keeping under the radar and being "normal" for the party and leave it at that. Sometimes, we need to bless the people who annoy/hurt us too...as the anger can eat us apart and harm us.

Think of all of the awful things you feel about him...write them down and burn them in your fireplace or grill. As you watch the paper burn, let go all thoughts of hatred and see him for what he is...an addict. He's trying to get your goat and has thrown out the bait...do you want to take it? Trust me, nobody wins when that happens.

I hope you have a wonderful party and that you and your daughter have a fabulous time. Of course, if this man messes with you...I'll call Dolly and have her fire up the hummer and we'll stop by for a visit!

Peace,
Here_I_Am

hope213

oh cece, i am sorry.i wish that your ex had talked to you before hand. i will say a pray that it works out really well for your son.he deserves the best,it is his day, his party.hugs,hope

Elana

Sometimes when person does things and says things to you all you have left is anger and hate.
I say that cuz I have felt it. Sometimes I still do.

I think that it can be part of recovery but it is a part that needs to be left behind.

I know.. easier said than done. Just keep thinking of "love thine enemy.."
God did not mean actually to LOVE them like we think of love but rather to know them and to know yourself well enough to leave the hate with God so you don't have to feel it.

mjpaao

I must say the uncle sounds like a real winner.....can't imagine trying to deal with someone like that who spews so much poison.
It's your sons big day. If it were me, I would try very hard to concentrate on that, and ignore your bil as much as possible. Enjoy your party, don't let him spoil such a special occasion.
((cece))

bookmiser

(((((CeCe))))))


No thoughts just hugs.

marteen

There is nothing wrong with feeling hate for him and his behavior. You are perfectly normal but the hard thing is not allowing it to ruin the good in your life. Frankly, he and the countless other inconsiderate, hateful, mean, bitter and nasty people just like him are NOT worth it! Concentrate on what is important and don't let him rain on your parade.

Line it up that if he gets out of hand, have someone "escort" him out and let it be at that!

greeteachday

I like the idea of trying to find ways to get all the feelings you have about him out then let them go...at least for the weekend. Trying to send some blessings his way...some of that impersonal love or good feeling may help. If not, picture him in underwear (hey it works for relaxing when giving a speeech...why not for obnoxious uncles? )

I guess one of the positives about your ex having 100 people is it decreases the odds that you will be stuck in an uncomfortable space with the exBIL...easy to get away from him.

I'm sending good thoughts and some prayers that the day is a wonderful and memorable one for all of you. Congrats to your son!!

Ann

Cece, it's okay to NOT like this guy. There, I said it, you have my permission to just simply not like this guy.

So, maybe just accept that and try to avoid him where possible, and know that you don't have to have any long conversations with him or eat what he makes.

Sometimes we just don't like someone who is toxic to us, and that's perfectly okay.

Hugs

mooselips

(((Cece))))
That stinks.
Well maybe you can get through JUST ONE day?
Then you never have to see him again.okay?

It still stinks.



(We'll all be right there alongside you, if that helps...OR we can fire up the Codie bus and make him unabe to attend...

Hey, I sound like Toniette Soprano!


The above post was a half a$$ed attempt at humor, and does not reflect the true feelings of the poster...

BigSis

Sometimes, HP arms us with anger in order to help us do the things we know are right.

You are a strong woman, Cece, with every right to give whatever gift you can for the party. If that is the food, then that is what you can do. Whatever the uncle does will be what he does... folks know him, right? They get his chaos... and are either as sick as he, or not as strong as you.

Go early, set your stuff up and when uncle arrives - perhaps he can use the bar-b-que or picnic table on the deck to do his stuff.

You, girl, are in my prayers right this minute. And those prayers are that you enjoy the party, enjoy the moment and are filled with loving pride for your son. (((Cece)))

Here_I_Am

Sorry Cece...I don't know why I typed daughter...I must have been celebrating my own "opposite day" yesterday!

Anyhoo...I hope you didn't think that my post was about liking the uncle. I just wanted you to have the best time possible...minus the anger. You don't have to like him one little bit. As a matter of fact, I don't like him.

cece1960

I seem to have simmered down today.
Thanks for getting me grounded again ; )

Greet, I simply can not envision him in his underwear...ugh, no thank you.
Tonietta, the codie bus did cross my mind...(oh that made me laugh about the whole sorted mess!)

Instead I tried to envision him as a child, before he turned rabid if there was such a time. I'm sure there was, and I'll have to find it in my heart to remind myself that souls are sometiomes lost then let him wallow in what his life has become, and cherish what mine is.

And if he HAS to bring wieners and beans, then so be it.

CatsPajamas

Cece, you have grown so much in your recovery since you got here... so I know that you'll be able to handle this. 100 people means a crowd big enough that you don't have to be standing right next to him and listening to him spew.

Keep the focus on you, your recovery, and your son. Let the day unfold as it will and know at the end of the day that your son was honored and loved by you.

HUGS

Cats

PS. I would jump on the codie bus and come if you need me. I could have a hankerin for drunkin beans and weenies...

parentrecovers

thinking about you, k

Jwife22

(((cece))) Big Hugs to you.