brokenheart

My AS is supposed to be in recovery. Been in rehab, prison, rehab again. Out for about 2 months, still no job. 22 years old. married, wife in pen for drugs. 2 yr old daughter staying w/maternal grandparents.

Last week I found some things in a storage building adjoining our garage. small mirrors, 2 small containers of what looked and smelled like water, box cutters, razor blades, pill organizer box, Q-tip. I threw all of this stuff away, didn't say anything about finding it. He didn't mention anything about it missing.

Today, I walked in there, and I noticed a bottle of bleach, no label. I opened it. It smells like bleach. More mirrors, glass with what looks like a pill crusher in it, another box cutter, another razor blade, screw driver w/no handle, elastic wrap for injuries, one small container of what looked and smelled like water. I threw all of this away too.

What do I do? Confront him. Call the police. Talk to his probation officer. Leave it alone and let time take care of it. Aside from the fact that I am his mother, and I love him dearly, what do I do? Can I live with myself if I call the police? Can I live with myself if I don't?

You guys have always been here for me. It's been ages since I've taken the time to come back to this site. There has been a lot of help here, but there is a lot of pain too. The sadness that drove me here always returns when I visit. I know that most of you have been through and are going through the same things that I have and am right now, so I trust your comments that come from experience and are not mixed up with the emotions that I am feeling for my son.

BigSis

I guess I'd lock the storage shed.

If he is using, it won't be long before there are other "signs". I would lock up ALL my financial information, pin numbers, checks, credit cards and access codes. I would probably start keeping my purse in my bedroom and not lend out my car.

And I would keep an eye out for other changes. But if he is following your rules of your house, then there is (I suppose) some chance the stuff belongs to a neighbor or transient.

... (((hugs))))

Wascally Wabbit

My concern would be, what if the police found that stuff on MY property. Would I be held accountable for it? I have heard the answer is yes, at least where I live!
And, AMEN to BigSis. Protect yourself. Protect yourself. Protect yourself.

hope213

i think i would ask him what it was about but expect him to liebecause that is what addicts do.i agree with the other lock your valuables up. sending prayers for u & your son.

teke

sorry that you have to go through all of this, i think maybe i'd confront him just so that he'll know that i know about it. wouldn't expect for him to own it but like someone else said, maybe its not your sons, how likely do you think that might be. it does sound like something associated with drug use. i'd also be concerned about whether or not the police would find it there, couldn't you lose your property and possibly be charged yourself for it if it is somthing to do with drugs?

i agree, lock up the storage, protect all your valuables. maybe remind yourself of any boundaries and maybe remind your son. just throwing stuff out, i sure hope that it don't belong to your son and that he is working his program and is staying clean. keeping you and your family in my prayers

brokenheart

thanks to all of you, especially the prayers. I have thought of changing the locks, but he has his things stored there too. We live in a small town and haven't been keeping it locked.

helpus

I might think about confronting him. Setting boundries. Bring him there & show him what you found. Tell him he cannot store his things there because he is putting you in jeprody with the law. Think about what other boundries you want in place, tell him & enforce them. If he lives w/ you I might also think about telling him he can only stay there if he is working a progam, that if he is using, he needs to leave. My RAD was just telling me yesterday that if you make an exception once, cuz they play you, they expect it always. Hope things go well for you. Hugs.

brokenheart

Thanks again. I am planning to confront him. I don't know where that will lead, and I admit that I am more than a little nervous.

mooselips

brokenheart,
Sorry you're going through all this.
I also think I'd have a chat with him.

If he cannot follow your boundaries,
perhaps he needs to live elsewhere?

Hugs, and hope, and prayers,

Lobo

I would confront him. Throwing things away and trying to pretend there is nothing going on would eat me up inside. Even if he doesn't confess to doing anything wrong, he will get some kind of a message. He will also know that you are not willing to cover up and shut up.
This is so hard on us when the effects of their addiction stares us in the face.
I know how you feel, I found things many times. It makes me feel like my knees get weak and my whole body wants to collapse. What a horrible thing for us to have to go through. It is so draining.

Hugs and prayers for you and your son.............Lo

Nitelite

(((brokenheart)))
yesterday, I told my 22-yr-old son he had a week to leave. It was incredibly cowardly of me, because I could just as easily have told him to leave that night.
I confronted him a month ago, no arguing; but yes, it was very, very hard. Not as hard as it will be next Sunday, when he has to leave.
A talk with your son would help, maybe even help you more than him. But in the worst case scenario; him using again, there just aren't that many options. He is making choices. He knows where they lead. He knows how to get help.
If only we could love our children into sobriety...is there an al-anon or nar-anon meeting you could attend? It might give you some support..

laketime

I Would Assume One Of Your Boundries Would Be No Drug Use. So He May Be Breaking One, A Big One For Me And My As. My As Cant Live With Us Anymore Because He Cant , Wont Stop Using. Hes On The Streets, Recently Off A 10 Day Jail Stint.I i too wanted to involve the police in some of his activity at some point. but i chose instead to let nature run its course, and it will if i get out of the way. I Know How It Hurts You, I Wish You The Strength To Do What You Think Is Right, And The Peace To Live With Your Decision. Ill Pray For Your As As Well As Mine.

rozied

You will be in my thoughts & prayers. My son is 40 & his addiction has been going on since he is 21. My heart is broken so I know how you must feel also.
I don't have anything new to offer, just my prayers from one mom to another.
Love,
Diane
It is all so very sad.

carl250r

get one of them home pi$$ test kits see how he does.

then you might want to take all of your jewlery and put it in a safty deposit box. and on your way home pick up some hefty bags to put all of his stuff in so it wont get wet when you throw it outside.

brokenheart

tears never stop even when you think there can't possibly be a tear left. my heart goes out to all of you because i know that you've felt exactly how i feel right now. i want to open him up and take out the part that's gone bad and put a brand knew one in that will fix him.

(sorry this is so long--i'm relieving some stress)

i had intended to start a new thread and ask if anyone had heard of Narcanon rehabilitation program, very expensive, but worth every penny if it works. then i read marteen's story about the mother who lost herself trying to save her son, and i cried all over again.

well, here's what happened. i logged out of this site but didn't close the browser, just minimized. next day, i noticed that the screen was on my post. i discovered that you can go to recent pages even though you have logged out, and so my AS had read my post and the first few responses, which meant that he knew that i was the one who had found and taken his stuff.

i stayed quiet about it for a couple of days. he was better behaved than usual and more congenial. then last night, i asked him about it. i guess i picked a bad time because all of his responses were attacking me. i was wrong for snooping. i was wrong for throwing his things away. he needed that pipe back because it belonged to someone else. he wanted his pills. he takes them because they make him feel good. he didn't yell or get angry, he just made no sense.

today i called Narcanon. he came in while i was on the phone. the counselor wanted to talk to him. i handed him the phone without explaining who was on the other end. needless to say, he wasn't happy about that. he talked to the guy, but only for a minute.

i know that i can't force rehab. i know that i can't make him well. i know that i can't take his addiction away.

my husband wants to kick him out.

i want to help, encourage, but remain firm. he owes his fines. he owes his probation officer. i haven't paid those for him. i feed him. i give him his room to sleep in. i put gas in his car to go see his wife in prison every week. but i don't give him cash.

he took my check card without my knowledge and in about a month, spent over $300on a lot of small purchase amounts, probably mostly cigarettes. when i found out a couple of weeks ago, he gave it back. said he thought he would have a job and would be able to pay it back before i noticed it was gone.

what happened to my little boy that i had such high hopes for? is he still in there somewhere?

kj0975

Broken I am so sorry for what u are going through but here is something u can do to erase any files so he cant click on old files and see them


Go to start
Click on my cmputer
Go to control panel
go to internet options'
click delete old files and click delete all cookies
then click earase history

then there should be no trace left for him to go look up. I just go to the last thread I was in and click that instead of having to log in all the time so I know how he got to your old posts but if u follow that then u wont have that happen again well at least now he knows u know.

brokenheart

thanks kj.
the screen says the cookies are deleted when i log out. i have it set to empty cache when i close the browser, but if i am going to leave the browser open, i will delete everything so this doesn't happen again. it's not that i'm saying anything in here that he doesn't already know. it's just that i'm telling all of his business and to him "blabbing" and it could cause unnecessary problems, as if we don't already have enough. he told me thank you today when i did something for him, and i said what are mothers for. he said hah, i'm still trying to figure that out. i said i know and when you do, we'll both be better off but i love you anyway. like so many others, he's a good kid gone astray. i keep waiting like the father of the prodigal son.

Spiritual Seeker

Your son is an addict. My bottom line is I can't have an addict living with me cause I can't take the drama. Sorry about your struggle. I have an amazing life yet because my only child is an addict there is always a bit of sorrow that permeates ea. day. Ea. day I work at keeping the sorrow at bay. in the last few days I've gotten College graduation notices from friend's kids. which just makes me sad because it reminds me that my son has not been as productive. Then I remember that he is living his life and not the life that I had planned for him.

brokenheart

i know. a mother at work was talking about her graduating senior, the awards ceremony, being handed his football jersey, going off to college, how she's been teary-eyed for days, and i got teary-eyed listening to her, wishing my tears for my son could be for the same reason as her tears for her son. how wonderful it would be to feel that pride in the accomplishments he has made and to describe success stories! it may come to the point where i do have to kick him out again. right now, i worry that he'll only get worse if i do it now.

marle

Addiction is progressive and whether he lives with you or not, it will progress, it will get worse. The lying and stealing will get worse. The blaming will get worse. You can't save him. I know that you have to get to the point where you can't take it any more before you will be ready to let go. But holding on for fear that he will get worse just allows him to not take responsibility for his addictions. Sure he is taking those pills to feel better. That is what addicts do. They get high instead of getting help. Sending some hugs and prayers. Keep coming back. Keep posting. Keep trying. Hugs, Marle