OurBigSecret

This post is really helping me a lot, thanks for all of the stories, I knew there would be a few moms on here that would know exactly what I'm going through.
Hopefully my daughter does realize that I did this because I love her, not to punish her. Even if she doesn't always acknowledge it, I know she hears it in my words and actions.
As far as the school counselor, I tried that too. I think they were worse than the therapist! I talked to the counselor and was not impressed at all. She seemed to be holding back in a way. Once I read my daughter's diary after I suspected she was doing something bad I read in there that the school saw the cuts on her arm and knew she was cutting (way before I knew it) and called her to the office. They said they wouldn't say anything about it if she promised not to do it anymore. She said that she fooled them all because even though they checked her for cuts she just started cutting where they couldn't see, like on her stomach. And the school never told me! Isn't that illegal!? I was furious when I read that!
Also, like Bigsis mentioned, I had my suspicions that something was wrong with my daughter. I could have not snooped, but I didn't want to wait and find out. Like I said to the therapist, better that I find out now than when she is already down a much worse path and it is harder to turn back.
Especially after this last time, when we were already in the middle of therapy and my daughter stole liquor from the house, I took ALL of her priveleges away. Before when she did wrong like coming home late, etc. I would take things away, but this time I took it ALL away. No TV, music, going out, not even allowed to close her bedroom door. I told her she could read or write if she wanted entertainment. My daughter seems to be the type that doesn't learn from her punishment. She says she does, but I'm not sure she does. Because as soon as she is unpunished she goes right back and does something wrong the very next minute it seems. She has gotten some of her priveleges back but not all of them and I'm not sure it makes a difference. It's terrible when you feel like you can't trust your own child.
I'm only trying to nip this in the bud because I know how bad things can get. I see all the stories of other moms here on the boards and I live it in real life with my addict brother and my enabling mom.
I know kids are going to try things, I'm no angel myself, but I think it's my job to hopefully help her stay on the right path. Once you get off track it's so much harder to get on the straight and narrow!

caughtinthemid

Well, maybe you wasted your money on therapy,but maybe you didn't. You sent a message to your daughter that you are paying attention and concerned.I have been thru tons of therapists, psychologists, addictionologists, etc with my son and only found one we both loved. She too nailed me on the privacy issue. (I was reading his email and logging his private messages). That is when I learned he was starting to use at about age 13. I believe that therapist helped both of us, but ins changed, I couldn't afford to see her anymore. I do still believe that kids needs privacy but we cannot ignore what is in our faces. One thing I learned in an Alanon type session was that most of the time our intuition is correct. If you think something is wrong, it probably is. If she seems happy now and you are not feeeling those prickly sensations that something is off, things are probably ok.

I wish the best you for you in these difficult teenage years. I don't know about you, but I seem to have misplaced my owner's manual they gave me when my kid was born