BlvninGod

on Monday I told my AS and his AGF that at least she needed to get out of my house. Nothing happened, I have been busy working and have had my own famioy group meetings I go to and am involved in several community events and church events so my nights are busy. Tonight (my 52nd birthday) they are downstairs yelling and screaming, she drunker than all get out but claims she only had 2 beersm, he too has had too much - i did this last week, last month the month before the month before and the month before 9yes - can we say 'enabeling dumba%$) - gone from meth to alcohol - she's walking somewhere with her dog and is out - she had both her cars repossed and her home and lost her daughter due to her use - their collective use. he too has fled. We know when we have had enough and I have had enough - its tough enough to get sober and straigh and then this - she has worked maybe 10 days in almost 6 months and it is always someone elses fault that there is a fight - she is an off the charts freak and my son needs some serious self esteem - can't define himself alone - doesn't know how to stand tall as an independent person. My heart breaks because the insanity never seems to stop - I know who he is without her - she is high maitnenance and contrinutes nothing. He has had a job and was feeling good about himself - tuition reimbursement, the whole nine yards. But he doesn't want what I want for him - and she can't even lead herself yet alone anyone else. I can't get all the glory life has to offer for him -he has to find it himself. Maybe she is a nice person when all the other baggage has been addressed- but not the baggage is bigger than anyone here on earth. thank you for all your wisdom and knowledge and prayers. I know you are praying for me - pray for my AS and yes we need to pray for her too.
M
I envision Jesus in a white dress doing a joyful interpretive dance of our lives..and he is happy and loving and proud of us. Somewhere in here - dead center - He is taking care of us. I just have to trust because right now I feel very very alone.

Lithloren

Dear BlvninGod,

Happy Birthday To You! I would post some Happy Birthday pictures for you, but I haven't figured it out yet

Anyway, you're never alone. Even if you feel that way, you never really are.

Hugs,

Lithloren

P.S. How come they didn't leave?

BlvninGod

I think because they believe rules don't apply to them and I was too tired Monday thru Thursday to deal with it. I don't think she thought I really meant it and he thought I would put up with the bullsh&^ if they acted nice 70% of the time. It appears 70% wasn't good enough for me; I want my sober peaceful program life back. All I can say to them is "Love ya - but done".

Wascally Wabbit

I had to get my sanity back too, and had to have my 28 yr old jobless addict son leave. I just couldnt' take the constant dread and fear.
I am sorry you have to go through this on your special day.
Happy Birthday dear. I hope it gets better for you.

BlvninGod

Lithoren - thanks for the directions to the classic reading! Very helpful. Very very helpful - for me. Thanks to everyone who cares and takes the time to read everything on this forum - I don't know how we would make it without you - especially those of you who have been down this road and have wisdom and strength to share. We don't always get the answer we want. Withmy HP and this group I am going to make it through this some how. Praying for you and your families and your A's. I pray for our collective recovery. Thanks! /M

Elana

As long as they are out, change the locks. Put their things at the curb. Make it obvious when they come back (they always come back!) that the welcome mat has been replaced with a "Go Away" mat.

Change your phone number to an unpublished one. Change your cell phone number too if you have one.

Just my $0.02.

Peace to you and may God hold your hand thru this difficult time.

teke

glad to know that you are doing what you need to do for you, still praying for you , your son' and the gf.

marle

I was just saying to my husband last night how nice it is not to have my daughter's chaos in my life. She is almost 21, living with her 37 year old abf and this time I just told her that I hated him, was not going to support that relationship so leave me out of your troubles. So far she has mostly done that. She has tried a couple of times to involve me, but I have told her that she made her bed..... I refuse to live like I have in the past with her addictions and abusive boyfriends. Those 3am calls were a killer and I won't do it anymore. It is her life, free to live it anyway she wants, but not under my roof and not with my money. I hope that you find a way to get back your serenity. The trade off may be no contact for a while, but I have found it is worth it to not live in their drama. Hugs, Marle

Lithloren

Dear BlvinGod,

I understand about being so busy that you don't have time to deal with home issues. I have been experiencing almost the same thing at my house this week.

I am glad you liked that sticky. I go back and look at it over and over again.

Hugs,

Lithloren

Sunflower

she isn't his wife and even if she was--get HER out of your house asap by whatever means necessary!
How awful for you....
You are not alone--know most of us have had horrible birthdays and holidays because of an addict..........
I will still wish you a""Peaceful Birthday"" (((HUGS))))

hope213

well, you gave yourself a nice bithday present.happy birthday & keep up the good work.hugs,

rozied

I am sorry you r going through this. Letting a sons GF live in my house was a big mistake I made myself about 7 yrs ago. He is not an addict ( my oldest son is ) but it was a mistake anyway...my SS wound up having 2 kids with her & now he is raising them alone ( with our help ). I wish I had stuck to my guns way bk when my SS asked me to take her in. The way I feel now is if they r old enough to live with someone they r old enough to have their own place. Why should they have all the benefits of marriage at someone elses expense. I was wrong for ever allowing it.
Take bk your own space..............where she goes or what she does is not your problem. I will keep you all in my prayers.
Diane

pjbs55

Happy Birthday, I'm glad you gave yourself a nice present. I am a mother of an addict and let his addict gf move in with me too. I know it was the biggest mistake I ever made. I made them both leave, and know the feeling of loneliness. I know I am not alone with everyone here, you are never alone either between our HP's and family here there is always someone around.
Please change your locks and do whatever you have to, for you!!! keep your peace and sanity that is the most important thing. If you son gets sober if you want him to live with you do it if not tell him no. It is your choice.
Good luck