bookmiser

Anybody else feel this way about their loved one?


One minute I want to strangle him. The next...

Well, you know.

Not only does my son have a fractured bone in his hand from slamming it in a door while arguing (drunk) with his dad (drunk) a couple of weeks ago,
but now he has torn ligaments in his leg from his dad jumping on him and beating the crap out of him for kicking his dog.
It's a long stupid story and I'm too, oh, I don't know, sick of repeating it,
but apparently his dad was drinking and as was carrying in firewood from outside. His dad's dog was running around under his feet and he kicked at it.
He says he didn't kick it, but who knows. He has a short fuse anyway, especially lately with his dad, and when the dog jumped away, he yelped.
Which makes me think he did kick it.
His dad immediately tackled him, and repeatedly punched him in the face.
After it was over, as called me and told me what happened.
I asked if he fought back, he said no. He wasn't gonna hit his dad. I said,
well, you could file assault charges on him.
No, then they would want to know my name and stuff.
Well, for crap's sake, ***, what do you want me to do?
Nothing.
His female woman friend that he is laying up with took him to the emergency room...again, and they gave him crutches and 9 tablets of vicodin.
Which he took in 36 hours time.
The next day I asked if he and his dad spoke about what happened.
No. It's over, he said. I did tell him that if he ever laid his hands on me again, I would wait for him to pass out, soak him in gasoline, and set him on fire.
Nice!
So, now my son has more injuries, while drinking alcohol and living with an alcoholic, than he's ever had as a heroin addict.
I'm feeling sorry for him.
He can't apply for medical assistance, because he doesn't want anyone to know where he is. He has warrants in Pa., and one in Ky.
He says he can't afford to pay a hospital bill, and I sure can't.
I want to help him in some way. I've told him to go live in a halfway house or shelter. He says he can't with warrants, someone will find him.
I say, What are you going to do? Hide the rest of you life? For pete's sake!
For someone who is "hiding" you sure are stickin' your neck out there.
I'm feelin' really bad for my boy today.
Any thoughts or suggestions?
Thanks and love,

marle

Linda, My daughter has severe asthma. When she was younger every time she had an upper respiratory infection she would become so short of breath that she would sometimes need to go to the emergency room. We have great insurance so it was never a problem. When she was 15 she was put on Singulair and never had another incident. Well do you think that her abf is going to spend $135 a month for her prescription. Of course not when he can spend it for crack. So she has had to make a visit to the emergency room recently for a very bad asthma attack. She got the bill which she can't and won't pay. Instead she will snort more heroin or oxycontin or vicodin and make her problems worse. I worried about that for a bit and then I just thought to myself if I bail her out on this one, there will just be more. The same thing will happen with your son. You can't help him because he is not willing to help himself. You can't keep picking up his messes. I know that you want to, but stop for a minute and really think what you will be accomplishing. A lot of worry and heartache for you and he still will not be fixed. He has that addict's stinkin thinking and until he decides he want things to be different, they won't be. You can love him but he has to be responsible for the messes that he is creating. I know when you hear his voice and his list of problems you want to make it better, but you don't have that power anymore. That is reserved for parents of little ones. Once our children become adults we have to let them make their own mistakes and hopefully learn from them. If your son really wanted to make his life better, he would find a way even if that meant going back and facing those warrants. Sending you lots of hugs. Doing nothing is okay. Maybe say an extra prayer. I will say some for him and for you that your heart will be not have to continue to carry this heavy load. Hugs, Marle

Lovestoomuch

I really wish I had some advice........or the words.......but I don't. Just wanted to send a hug your way and let you know you and your son are in my prayers tonight.

bookmiser

Thanks, Loves. Your a sweetie.
It just blows that I really believed that if I brought him to Ohio and took him away from Pennsylvania and "those" people, lol...
Yeah, I'm an idiot.
Anyway, now, not only do I have to deal with him, his dad calls me when he's drunk to profess his love for me still. lol
Can you believe it? Hubby doesn't care. He's not the jealous type, and he sure doesn't feel like the exah could offer me anything but a pain in my a$$.
At least I don't have to worry about that.
On the other hand, I know that my son wants so badly to come and stay with us, and I know my husband will not, I have to repeat, will never agree to let him back in here. That hurts, regardless. Me, I mean.
My son is hard to live with, I know, but...
Crap! I've gotta quit imagining ways to work this out.
There is nothing I can do.There is nothing I can do. There is nothing I can do. There is nothing I can do.
Just gotta keep that in the front of my mind.
Let Go! Let Go! Let Go!
Damm*t!

These people are driving me insane. I never wanted to stop all contact with him. Never wanted to, and honestly don't think I could, but...

Anyway, thanks for being here for me.
Lovin' ya big time, tonight. lol

hope213

((((linda)))) do you really want all of that in the house with you? i don't. i sometimes feel really bad about my a.s. & especilly about my grandson the the truth is i do not want to deal with that 24 /7 . let go or be dragged. turn him over, there is nothing you can do.saying a prayer for you & your family.

marle

Linda, This has helped me so many times, I hope it helps you. It is from Codependent No More and is my favorite part. "People ultimately do what they want to do. They feel how they want to feel; they think what they want to think; they do the things they believe they need to do; and they will change only when they are ready to change. It doesn't matter if they're wrong and we're right. It doesn't matter if they are hurting themselves. It doesn't matter that we could help them if they would only listen to and cooperate with us. IT DOESN'T MATTER, DOESN'T MATTER, DOESN'T MATTER. DOESN'T MATTER." How true. Hugs, Marle

Wascally Wabbit

as for the hospital bill, he might apply for medicaid.

bookmiser

"People ultimately do what they want to do. They feel how they want to feel; they think what they want to think; they do the things they believe they need to do; and they will change only when they are ready to change. It doesn't matter if they're wrong and we're right. It doesn't matter if they are hurting themselves. It doesn't matter that we could help them if they would only listen to and cooperate with us. IT DOESN'T MATTER, DOESN'T MATTER, DOESN'T MATTER. DOESN'T MATTER."-Marle, with the help of Codependent, No More. lol

I will put the cd in my car stereo, once again. Guess I need reminded.
It's a great book, especially listening to it on cd.
I gave my book copy to my sister recently.
I need to call her and make sure she's reading it. Oops! (codie slip)

You guys are great. Thanks so much hope, loves, and marle.

With a lighter heart,

bookmiser

((((Wabbit))))

He is filled with addict paranoia. He wants no one to know who he is.
Long story.
He has no idea how easy it would be to clean up this mess.
He sees himself in the bottom of a well with no way to get out,
oh, unless mom's there with a rope.
Thanks for the reply, sweetie.
The answers are within him, alone.
I'm just having a pity party tonight.
Thanks for coming. Try the veal. lol

frankie_b

Pitiful, miserable, incapable of reasoning things out, out of control, impossible to live with, and self destructive I'd say
describe most addicts.
Linda, their reality is what it is. Your caring about AS will never change.
I reached a point when I no longer wanted to here all the misery, problems, crazy thoughts and endless addict babbling.
There are other things to talk about and I suggest you talk about things you feel comfortable discussing and not all the crap of the lifestyle. How does it help either one of you?
Said with love.
Hugs

Blackrose2756

My ex is in PA with "those" people. And sounds exactly like your son. Paranoid....doesn't want someone to "put him out there". Trying to start over by moving 10 miles down the road to a trailer park. On & on & on. The only thing that has changed is I left the pain & misery & moved 2,000 miles away. Now someone else has to deal with the same crap day after day after day........yada, yada, yada.

Think they'd get tired of living that way...but they don't. Oh....& it's most likely YOUR fault he's there. Right??? It's still my fault that my ex is with some bimbo.

And there are still days that I wish I could go back there, grab him by the throat & drag his butt out here, where he might have a chance to start over.

But I can't. It's not my place.

Lynne

thejunkyswife

YOU ARE NOT AN IDIOT!

We're all doing the best we can with the information we have. Unfortunately, much of this information is skewed by our crazy love and the lies our addicts tell us.

Take care of yourself!

Lovestoomuch

Oh.........I totally believe it!!

Cause you're a ................

bookmiser

((((((Loves)))))))


Lol! The difference between your hottieness (word? of course it is) and mine...



Couldn't help it. Loved the pic. lol And you...




Thanks. Gotta go to work soon.

Love ya,

devastated

Wow! Sounds like one big happy family huh? The Dad is just as "out of control" as the son and that's sad. It reminds me of my son's dad. My son had no respect for his dad at all. However, he has never as much as raised his voice to Mr. Dev even when he was totally out of control, and Mr. Dev (who is not as big as son) got right in his face and told him to leave.

It is terrible that father and son act this way towards each other, but then again, it's because they are both using one way or the other. It would probably be better and safer for both of them if one of them left.

I wouldn't worry about the hospital bill. I don't know how old your son is, but if he is 18 then it would be his responsibility. What's the worse thing that can happen if he doesn't pay it? It goes against his credit! Oh well, join the club, my son has the worse credit in the world, and at this age I don't think it's possible to repair it anymore.

Guess we just have to hope and pray that your son gets damn tired of living like this and finds a better, safer place.

I hate all that chaos, don't you?

By the way, Bookmiser, where and when did you get that photo of me?

Hugs, Devastated

oneeyeopen

Pitiful, well what about pathetic ??

I can't believe that the abf is nearly 40 and acting like a frigging teenager. I mean how pathetic is it to see an older guy like that doing this crap???

One time I left him (he was drunk) on a street corner and as I drove away he sat down on the curb and put his head in his hands and I thought "What a pathetic site." Yeah, it would have been funny when I was 20, but now, 20 plus years later...just pathetic.

I always think about that beleif that the addicts emotional development is arrested at the point where they started using. Well, so many of these people started so young...I think the abf said he started drinking when he was 12. Therefore -- they act accordingly.

Elana

Everyone has already said it so I won't beat this one anymore.
Just letting you know I am thinking of you and wishing you the best.

Praying for you!

dollydo

Book,

I won't post what I think, as you already know, by now you have it memorized.

Just take care of you.

My Best,

Dolly

lil516

I am sorry that your son is feeling so hopeless but that just might be what it takes for him to get moving on recovery...

if he has legal issues he'll have to face the music sooner or later....I hope it is sooner so he can reclaim his life (I know you do too!)

maybe if his injuries are painful enough he'll seek medical attention and from there he just might stumble upon rehab (never underestimate the HP at work)

many long term facilities deal with addicts that also face court issues...

in the meantime, i can see that you have so much to deal with...

take care of yourself

I know how much you want to help your son....believe me, I'd be (and have been) the first one trying to "rescue" my son from himself...

do what you need to do....maybe gather some info (medicaid...rehab...social services to cope with court etc...) and then let go and see what happens next
at least you will feel proactive (or at least i would...projecting here)

please know i am praying for your son