booklover

I am SO depressed. My husband is off in California using and says he is coming back to TN soon for rehab...whatever.

He, as those of you who know me, also cheated on me a few weeks ago.

Why do I feel so incapable of doing anything? I had no problems functioning at first. I went to college, I took the kids to soccer and karate, did everything I was SUPPOSED to do...even the day after I found out about everything.

But now, as it all seems to be crashing down on me, I just want to lie in bed all day. I didn't go to class today. It wasn't something I felt I could do.

My husband is begging to come back home and go to rehab and is asking for forgiveness and saying THIS time he really means it...everyone seems to feel sorry for HIM and thinks I should take him back. I think he is just as full of sh** as always. Though even I feel sorry for him sometimes on the phone because he sounds like he is terribly distraught...yes, so am I too...

I don't know what part of everything is bringing me so down. My house is a mess and I just don't feel like cleaning.

What is wrong with me?

Lovestoomuch

There's nothing wrong with you sweetie. I had many days like that and considering the circumstances it's perfectly normal. There's a lot to digest when we've been through an upheaval in our lives and it takes time.

Give yourself this day to feel the pain........just try not to stay there too long. I learned here the best way to get past the pain is to walk right through it.

You don't have to make any decisions right away. Take the time you need for you to focus on your wants and needs. You've been hit with a double whammy. Between the drug use and the cheating, you have a lot on your plate.

Just take the time to take care of yourself and do what you need to do........not because anyone else thinks you should, but because it's what's right for you. And know you're not alone. I still have days like you're having and my exabf and I have been broke ups for almost a year.

parentrecovers

glad you came and posted, it helps so share your feelings. i don't recall - are you going to alanon or working with a private counselor? sometimes when i get slowed down like that, i make a to do list - nothing too overwhelming, just some things i want/need to accomplish. that can motivate me. also - just try getting out for some fresh air/exercise? there's nothing wrong with you, you've just been through/are going through a lot. blessings, k

teke

i agree with loves, take your time and do what is best for you to do for you. what every one else thinks that you should do doesn't really matter, if they want it done so badly, why not let them do it, whatever it is.

you've been through a lot, don't see what you have to rush to make any decisions about anything if you don't want to. your husband is a big boy and if he really wants to go to rehab, he'll find a way to do it. i'm kind of sure they have shelters and rehabs where he is now, don't you think? i pray that you stay strong, stick to your guns and let what happen happens. keeping all of you in my prayers.

Sunflower

I think its called depression----listen to your gut--make the choice that is right for you--maybe you want him home--maybe you don't

hope213

you are probley suffering from depression.the addict will suck everything out of you. he has taken your energy & your self confidence. we are here.if you do not get to feeling better please got to the dr.big hugs & lots of prayers for you.

havehope

I allow myself to "feel my pain" (in my words a pity party ) for 24 hours. I tell my family to start their watches and time me if necessary! I am allowed to feel my pain. I think that is natural since we don't want to ignore that pain. I just can't allow myself to stay in that place too long or I will get too comfortable there.

It's OK to be sad. Allow yourself to feel what you feel, it's OK!

Big HUGS to you.
Terri

GiveLove

You're depressed, lady.

And (as usual) I have to agree with Anvil. He could be doing things to get better NOW, but he's not. He's using it as a bargaining chip with you: IF you let me back and give me my fiftieth second chance, THEN I'll try to get sober.

Do with that what you will.....but beware the addict's treadmill that you've been walking all these years already. Stepping off of it hurts, but when the scuffs heal you're bigger and stronger inside, and the possibility for joy is so much greater.

Take care of yourself and do whatever you can live with.

Watch out for your depression, as others have said......don't let it linger too long without getting some help for it. You're too good a person to be wasting days and weeks and months in a life that feels dead.

Love, hugs, and strength,
GiveLove

Elana

It is so hard. I agree with everyone that he is trying to manipulate his way back so he can put you back on another re-run.

You are depressed and feeling bad.. I think the cheating is as hard to take (or harder) than the drug use sometimes. It is such a violation of us when our partner cheats.. we look in the mirror and ask ourselves what is so unattractive about us... we run ourselves down. We run ourselves down for believing the lies. We run oursleves down for being blind and stupid.

That is just so wrong. We are not stupid. We are usually honorable people who did what married or live together people are supposed to do.. we TTRUSTED and BELIEVED because we wanted to have a normal relationship.. normal life.

WE did NOT CHEAT and we were honorable. It is not us, it is the drugs and the whole lack of character that goes with the whole business of addiction.

Be good to yourself.

hopalong

Been there! Laid in bed for months, crying and eating. Gained 20 lbs - and it didn't change anything! I had to force myself to get up and get going. And, started taking depression medicine. Depression is a horrible thing. All I can suggest is forcing yourself to get and go and keep yourself busy! I joined a volleyball team - great exercise and started going to church! Just hang in there...it does get better, even when you can imagine it will.

You are in my thoughts and prayers!

havehope

Booklover

I hope you are feeling better. If not yet, then I hope you have a bright sunny day tomorrow.

My prayers are with you.
HUGS
Terri

Blackrose2756

I do agree with Anvil. If he is serious, he will get help NOW!!! My ex used that trick once. He started hanging out with a bimbo "to bring me back to my senses" after I threw him out. And you do wonder "what's wrong with me that my husband would want to be with a bimbo more than he wants to be with me? I used to feel fat, old & ugly. Then after spending a lot of time on this site & one other, I realized it wasn't me, it was HIM. It's what Addicts Do. You are going through depression like they all said. And it sucks. And like they also said, get some help. Do what YOU need to do. And if he's serious, he'll get help. He won't change until HE's ready. But you can do something now.

Lynne