laketime

as just called, havent heard a word since easter afternoon. hes been in agf's friends apartment. his first words "dad i need to talk to you" i said im sorry but i hace nothing to say, i love you, i hope you make the right choices, moms got a bag packed for you in the garage. good luck. now im sitting here thinking he has no money, no job, he couldnt get to a halfway house if he wanted to cause hes surely not clean. says he is, but you dont hang out two days with users and not use. we live in a small town about 20,000 people so im sure we dont have a homeless shelter, but i dont know what to do we take him in to give him in to give him time to find a halfway and he bolts and uses after 10 days. this isnt the first time. what do you do, the answer should be nothing but theres just not a lot of resources here. but i will do nothing, i hope

hope213

this may be the time he hits his bottom.it is really hard on us parents knowing that they will probley wind right back with the dealers or the users but it may take that to hit ther bottom.i am so sorry you are going through the hurt you are.no matter what you do what you are comfortable with.as you said he bolts.he will find a way when he really gets ready to get clean.my prayers are with you & him.

joesentme

Did he say anything, after you told him this, or did he just hang up?

cinderellawkids

Laketime,
MY husband at 19 lived a month in a tent for the same reasons. He talks of it fondly, and sadly didnt let that stop him from doing what he wanted

laketime

joesentme, he didnt hang up but i kinda did ,,i just said good luck and hung up. i didnt really have the need to hear the same ole sh-t again about comming home and getting clean quack quack quack. keep in mind this is how i feel at this moment when i sound so strong, it doesnt mean he wont talk me into it again. im working on detachment one step at a time. it seems awfully hard with your own son but it probably is just as hard for anyone who loves an addict. im praying a lot that he will find his way with the resources he can muster on his own, if he really wants. its just so needless and heart wrenching to see him do this to himself.

marle

Laketime, It is hard, I know. My AD is my only child and I have had to say no quite a few times recently. She only calls when her abf has no money. When he gets some, it is "let the good times roll". Saying no to an active addict is not cruel, it is a kindness. You are letting him have the consequences that are his to own, not yours. Instead of feeling badly, find a few numbers that HE can call and have them handy. That way you are offering him the right kind of help. If he doesn't want it (my daughter has the numbers, and not yet ready to use them) then that is his choice. Addicts may seem like sorry lots, especially when they used to be your beloved child, but in reality they are resourceful. He will not die from living on the street or couch surfing. But he may die from you providing that nice warm bed and meals to come home to every time he wants it. Hugs, Marle

MsPINKAcres

Feel for you, Laketime

Our 29 yr old daughter called yesterday - She's 5 months pregnant with her 3rd child (lost custody of her other 2 children) for an abusive boyfriend, on probation, arrested 2 wks ago for prescription fraud, out on bail & her boyfriend kicked her out because of her drug use.
She said she didn't know where she was going, what she was going to do, maybe go to treatment again, said she would call me & let me know. It's been over 24 hrs since I've heard from her.
Don't know where she is, just have to trust that the God of my understanding has a plan & I'm not in charge of that Plan.

((Laketime)) - sending out prayers of peace & comfort to you & your family.

Rita

laketime

thanks marle, i really loved one of your posts sometime back when you mentioned the phone list you kept for your ad. i copied off a list of half ways in tenn and ala and the number of the food stamp office here in town and gave them to him the last time he left home, just because of your post. it really helped to know he had some resource, but he proabably just tossed them, you know how they are when theyre using.

Louise54

We did the exact same thing to my as. One day, after taking money out of my wallet for the umpteenth time, we told him to pack a bag and get out. He had no money, no car, nothing. We don't live in a small town, but he would have to hop on a train to get to a shelter in a not so nice neighborhood, but with no money that wasn't possible either.

He wound up calling friends to pick him up and has been living with a friend ever since. It's only his friend and his friend's father (an ex-substance abuser, I believe) that are living there. No mom involved. He says he's clean and just got a part time job waiting tables. I don't know if this could possibly be his bottom, but I hope so. He told me the first night he roamed around the streets and didn't get to a friend's house till the next day. Not sure if I believe him or not, as he is a constant liar, as they all are.

I know how you feel, I cried every nite worrying if we did the right thing, but I think we did. He's 22 and needs to grow up and survive without our help.

Good Luck and God bless.

laketime

Thanks Louise, That Encourages Me To Think Of Him As A Grown Man Hes Twenty, With The Mentality Of A 15 Year Old. But Your As Proves They Can Manage To Find Resources Just Like They Find Drugs. A Friend Of Mine Just Called To Say He Had Talked To My As. As Said We Could Send Him Back To Rehab Or Do Anything, Quack, Quack, I Told My Friend To That Hes Just Out Of Money. My Friend Doesnt Know About Quacking, So I Warned Him. Notice The Line We Could Send Him, Not I Could Go. Hes Still 15

Louise54

That's what cracks me up about the addiction. I asked him once, "isn't it more stressful to find out where and how to buy your pills than to look for a job or finish school"? I always babied him and he too has the mindset of a 16 or 17 year old. I felt like I was throwing a little boy out the door. Just stick to your guns as hard as it is.

parentrecovers

he knows where you are when he's ready, laketime, he knows where to find you when he is really done. just be there for him. until then, he gets extra prayers from me. blessings, k

laketime

Lousie I Have Three 21 20 Qnd 17 And I Guess They Will Always Be Little Boys It Seems. Co Dependent??? Probably

marle

I still think of my daughter as the helpless little child that I helped to create by being such an overprotective mom. But somehow she has managed to survive almost a year of living with her crack addict boyfriend. Getting evicted from two places, having no car for a short time, living in motels, not having all the creature comforts that I used to provide. So I figure if she doesn't learn any other lesson from this, she will learn that she will be the one to provide for herself and decide her own future. She didn't want the nice middle class one that we provided for her. Hugs, Marle

teke

my family turned death ear to all of my quacking and it helped me more than you can imagine. i got clean.

i pray that he finds his bottom soon, keeping all of you in my prayers

mooselips

Laketime,
Hugs to you, and you wife.

Just remember, if you keep on enabling him, there's no reason for him to get sober.

Stay strong, I know how hard this is...

Done_With_It

Is there a salvation army around, I think they usually take people in, You could put that phone number in his bag, give yourself some peace of mind, and him an option of a place to sleep.
If there's not one in your town, give him the one closest to you. If he can find the drugs he can find his way there.

krhea75

It sucks, laketime, to have to be strong. But it would suck more to give in and enable him. hang in there, you know we are all pulling for you.
krhea

BigSis

My kid left (we asked her to leave) at age 17, with the maturity of a 14 year old.

She found a place to stay... worked through her friends, her acquaintances, came home, left again... and finally burned through every "safe" place. Then she was court-ordered to rehab (following a shoplifting arrest).

I think those things that came before made her much more ready to "hear" what was said at that rehab.

No such thing as coincidence, Laketime.

(((hugs)))