bren38

Before my husband went to rehab, I planned, booked and paid for our family vacation. Although our marriage was far from what it should be we continued to co-exist and I just tried to make things as normal as possible for the kids sake. Had I known he had a drug problem I would not have booked this trip. I felt so stupid for not knowing everything but that is beside the point. He was functional up until running out of pills and when he bagan to withdraw is when the truth came out. Here is my question..............He gets home from rehab April 17. Our trip to Mexico is May 29. His employer says he can return to his position when he gets out but he will not have had a paycheck for over 4 weeks. (he does not have paid time off or vac. pay). So we have been living on my income alone and I have sold a few things just to make sure we stayed ahead. Since this trip is already paid for and I have Vac. accrued we would still like to go. SHould he go? His counselor said it would be fine if it is just us 4 but I do not want to compromise his position at work or financially get in worse shape than this has already taken us. My kids are so excited I do not want to disappoint them. But I hate to leave him out when he has worked so hard at trying to get better. If he doesn't go he will stay with my family so he will not be alone. Is it wrong to go without him? Will this hender his recovery? Please tell me what you think.

dollydo

Go, don't place your life and your childrens life on hold for him...you have no guarantee that he will remain clean whether you are there or not, it will not hinder his recovery, that solely is up to him, he is either ready to embrace recovery or he is not.

Your children should not have to miss out on vacation because of him, they are innocent victims of his addiction. Focus on your children, he is an adult, let him be responsible for himself.

teke

i think that its kind of hard for any adult to choose whats best for another adult. what do he want to do? i agree with dolly though, the kids shouldn't have to suffer their trip, who knows, thats a long time down the road for an addict, maybe you can take it one day at a time, and when the time comes, you'll know all you need to know, since you said that the trip was already paid for. i pray that he continues on with his recovery and if you all do decide to take the trip that all goes well.

mooselips

bren38,
IMO, which may be totally wrong...(wouldn't be the first time..) I'd let him go back to work, because you need the money, he doesn't need to miss anymore unpaid vacation...and you go, and enjoy your children. AND I bet you'll have a great time.

Hugs,

itiswhatitis...

i say he's lucky to have a job to come back to - maybe you could bring your mom or someone who has really helped support you through all of this? - i'd be willing - just kidding - but maybe you'll think of someone...

love,
s

greeteachday

Here's my thoughts...but like Moose, I could be all wet. I think you can make a decision for you and your kids...To me, the decision on whether to stay or go is his to make for himself. His life...his choice. The two of you may want to discuss it together, but it seems like you would be trying to control him by making a decision for him. I know I am not an addict, but it would really bother me if my spouse decided what I was and wasn't going to do and did not disucss it with me. Hugs,

GiveLove

Bren,
I agree with Greet. He's an adult human who is trying to recover any semblance of dignity he's left himself. Making these decisions without any input on his part might not be the best thing to do. Perhaps offering him the opportunity to go IF it doesn't endanger his employment situation when you'all return from vacation. Who knows -- it may be a healing experience for all of you.
Good luck with this
GL

mooselips

See, I told you I was probably wrong...
I really like Greet, and Giveloves answer.
They're right, he shouldn't be out of the decision.


Hugs,