Good Memories

Old 03-28-2007, 10:05 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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Blackrose2756's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Peora, AZ
Posts: 172
Good Memories

I've asked before, but maybe there is someone out there who doesn't have ALL bad memories about the addict in their life. Even though you are no longer with them. There has to be someone who was with a man who was clean & sober & working a program when you got together. And that a LOT of your life was filled with good memories. (Especially when it was the only love you've ever known). And yes, the bad times, were awful. And I know I left for a reason.

But what do you do with the GOOD memories. I can be watching a program, see someone on the street that looks like him, reading a book, hearing a song, a lot of things remind me of the good times we shared together.

And, really, even though I'm no longer with an addict, my life sucks. I'm living with 2 people who are driving me nuts. My son is disrespectful & full of himself, I can't get a full-time job, my dad verbally abuses me a lot, I have physical problems that nobody seems to care about....I have to say when my ex was clean & sober....he treated me better than any of my own family.

It's really a shame when living with an addict (clean & sober) is better than being with your own family. I have to say that a lot of my life was better before I moved back here. I moved into even more dysfunction.

So, how do those of you who can with those GOOD memories when they happen? I have to be honest. I still miss the man I fell in love with. And the pain that you are alone, stuck in a bad situation & no way out??

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Old 03-28-2007, 11:56 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Mertzie's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 158
Almost all my memories are good ones. The addict in my life is my friend of many years. Our relationship was platonic, but it was one of those cherished, special bonds with (what I thought would be) a lifelong friend. We lived 1000 miles apart, so we spent all our time together on the phone. We used to talk everyday for hours and hours. We laughed, we cried, we shared our deepest secrets. We talked about everything and nothing. When we ran out of things to say, we would work a crossword puzzle together or watch a TV show over the phone. When I would arrive home from work, the phone would be ringing before I even got the key in the door, and we'd talk until midnight when she had to go to sleep. Sometimes, the phone would ring 10 minutes later and she'd say, "I got a second wind!". God, I miss her so much!!

After she met her "new friends" (junkies, dealers), it was just a matter of weeks before she had a daily habit of coke, pills and pot. She stopped calling me and stopped taking my calls. On the rare occasions when we did communicate, she was not even recognizable person that I knew for so many years. I know that by shutting me out, she spared me of so many of the horrors of addiction, but that doesn't seem to make it any easier for me.

It has been over two years, and the good memories with my friend are still sad for me and make me cry. I'm hoping that it is just a matter of time. I know when my mom died ten years ago (not drug related), it took a few years before I was able to smile instead of cry when I thought of the good times we shared. But with my mom's death, I was forced to accept the finality of the situation. With my addict friend, I constantly feel like I'm waiting for something to happen. My life has been at a standstill since her addiction started. (I'm trying to move forward, but it's one step forward, two steps back). If it turns out that the good times with my friend will never be anything other than memories of the past, then I hope I can at least get to the point where I can enjoy those memories.
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Old 03-29-2007, 09:56 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
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Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
there are always good with the bad.i am sorry you are having such a hard time.i am sorry about the problems with your family.have you tried face to face meetings? they can help you alot.there you can come to understand what addict do. it will also give you the feeling of belonging.keep coming back & let me know how you are.hugs, hope
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