megamysterioso

In case you're curious... I've only seen him 2 times since moving out on 6/30. The first time was at his sister's house. I went over there to use the computer (it was before I got my new one) and he was there. His sis had trouble with some teenagers that lived near her, so XAH said he went to talk to them about keeping the noise down. In a nutshell, he ended up staying overnight and partying with them, has future drug deals planned with them and just thinks "they are 'cool' guys." He was late for work and all. Some things never change.

I then saw him 2 Saturdays ago b/c I had found some of his belongings packed in with my things that I wanted to return. I went to return them and he returned some things of mine and I stayed to visit for a few hours. Why?? Don't know really- curiosity? We kept everything on a "friend" level (yeah Judy-- how could I and why should we even try and be friends??). Before long he mentioned his sexual frustration as a hint to me (ROFLMAO) and I said, "go find someone then b/c I'm not interested in that." Soon afterward, his roommate and I ended up talking a great deal and the later it got and the drunker XAH got, the more emotional he became (duh!!). Essentially, the night ended with him saying, "you can either go to bed in MY room right now or get the F out of MY house." Right! I got my keys and left and felt such strength and relief while walking out of that door!!

So- yep Judy-- I will not make any effort to maintain any kind of social contact with him. He is POISON to me and does absolutely nothing other than berate me and cause me emotional and physical stress that I don't need. He's not "changing" just as I KNEW he wouldn't so whatever happens to him is of his own making. We can't be friends. He doesn't know my address or phone number and I intend on keeping it that way. No contact is the only way for us. I really hope that he finds a replacement for me soon b/c I don't want him ever coming to my door for a damn thing. My new home life is too good to ever move backwards

minnie

((((Mega)))))

Sometimes we need to see this stuff to make that final mental leap.

Rest assured, he is more than likely to find someone pretty quickly and, if you know about it, I'll be here for you. Despite everything that happened, I still got a bit rattled when it happened.

I've said it before and I'll say it again - you're an inspiration.

megamysterioso

Thanks Minnie. I really think that his lack of care and my job loss at a time when my focus would have been on him and the divorce is HP's way of looking out for me. Weird as that sounds...

ASpouse

Mega your husband has been sexually frustrated for the past, what 4 months now. Personally that sounds like a bait and hook move to me, but who knows, that's how I would take it. He must think he is Mr. Studly eh? Too funny.

For now I think it would be difficult to be friends. Now if he ever gets into some type of recovery and some time has passed, then you can probably be friends.

I think you are too raw to even consider it.

ICU

Doesn't sound weird to me at all. I believe that everything happens for a reason and it's how my HP looks out for and guides me.

equus

GULP!!

Mr. Bloody Romance or what?!!

Mega - I just have this feeling your going to thrive and not miss his charms one bit.

megamysterioso

ROFLMAO Ain't that the truth???

Oh come now, what woman's pants wouldn't fall to her ankles after a line like that huh???? Mr. Studly Romance!!

megamysterioso

ICU- I do think that it is all for a reason. Judy, from a recovery standpoint, do you think that I sound too raw than is "healthy" during this stage? I'm trying to maintain a healthy and positive outlook on my life and my future. Part of doing that requires that I let go any resentment or venom I may have left over. I really think I've done pretty good with it. It will take time like anything else though. I don't wish anything bad for him, but I really at this moment cannot imagine him ever entering my life as any sort of "permanent" fixture again.

ASpouse

Oh my, I can't say that. What I do know is that you have been through a lot of change, a lot of loss, whether by your choice or not. I think once the "euphoria" wears off you will be where you are meant to be in your recovery.
Which is what you should be doing, just don't force it. You feel the way you feel.

Me too!

As it should be. Know what I say to people to return puppies to me? It was just a bad match. Perhaps it's the same with you. (and let me tell you, people that return puppies cry/sob more than anyone I've ever seen in recovery believe me!) LOL

LaTeeDa

What? With all that charm? What's next? Crying his eyes out hoping you will **** him out of pity?

You deserve way better than that. Don't ever forget it, okay? And that new job is just around the corner, too. I can feel it.

L

pmaslan

He sounds like he can be the "Date of the Week" on one
of those online dating sites.....lol
Thanks for the warning Mega!

ASpouse

Patty, or maybe he'll call 911 for a quickie What state do you live in again mega?

Cynay

OMG .... Way tooo funny.

Mr. Charming huh....... You must be strong that got me all hot just reading it *NOT*

What is it about some men that think they can bully you into bed????

megamysterioso

HA!!! Check out my horoscope for the day! Wish I would have caught it first thing this morning and maybe it would have saved a piece of my brain from frying.

That sounds like good advice for just about anyone doesn't it?

OMG-- the 911 thing??!! How weird was that? I cannot believe someone would do that to score a date or whatever!

Thanks for all the support and encouragement.

Tally

Had to chuckle! Am surprised you didn't jump him on the spot! He's gotta be up for an award for Mr Romantic 2006

elizabeth1979

Wow, isnt he just a Don Juan!

I am really happy to hear you are thriving in your new life, in your own right!

I call them freak of the week!

lostnotfound

Good for you for resisting! I know you must have been extremely tempted! (rolling eyes)

sunshine003

Seems to me, we give these guys way too much credit. I remember a day mega, you worried how he'd do on his own, etc. Seems to me, he's not dying. He has a roommate, he still drinks/drugs, still acts the same, etc. LOL. He hasn't fallen to pieces and the sun is sure to rise for him each day as it will for you.


As far as how he acted, all I can say is "eeewwwwwwww."

Next, I agree it's way too soon to be friends. The main reason is because it's impossible to be friends with someone who has such little respect for you. Second, by "trying" in the name of letting go of resentment, you are giving away your self respect by being in situations like that. Sends a message to him that he can still just act however he wants with you.

You can let go of resentments and anger from afar, you don't have to be in his space, keeping peace to do such a thing. You can also wish him well from a far. He knows you want good things for him. Feel it in your heart/mind. Don't share it with him.....JMO of course.

Oh and I'm so proud of you.

sunshine003

yes and as lostnfound said, you showed such restraint by turning him down. I bet you were just boiling over with temptation.

Last week ah called me. He was out of town with his girls.....he has never drank in front of them. Well, maybe a beer or two but always stops. In any event, he was slurring drunk. I know him well enough to know that means falling down as well with how he sounded. He told me they wanted to go home, how they kept telling him, "why are you talking so weird?" etc. He was all defensive claiming he was sober, LOL. saying, "I guess nobody wants to be around me anymore."

Point to all that is, I've always said, "he'll never do that around them" etc. Oh my, I was so disgusted.

Jazzman

This is good stuff, thanks!
*jazz makes note to himslef, that pick up line doesn't work*

All joking aside Mega... being the "bigger person", doesn't work with active addicts. Your attempt at being noble will not be appreciated. Save yourself the frustration