deettah

I had decided to end all contact with my soon to be ex-AH and it has been three days. Before that he had been asking if we could meet and talk, to get closure. I received an e-mail today again a plea for closure. I did not respond and honestly don't know what to do. He says he misses me terribly. I don't know what good it will do. I'm afraid to see him at this point as I am feeling very weak still and have been keeping a distance for that reason. I have no idea what to do.

StandingStrong

deettah, I can't tell you what to do. But at this point, I'd suggest not meeting with him.
For one thing, if he's claiming to still miss you terribly and has been wanting to see you so badly - I really have a hard time believing it's for closure. I'm leaning more on the side of him trying to win you back.
You said that you have been feeling weak and that is why you are having no contact - well, you know yourself well enough to know when you are weak and likely to fall.
On top of that, you don't know what good it would do to meet with him; therefore you'd only be meeting with him because HE wants the meeting. That is something that it sounds to me like you don't want to do.
You don't want too - you don't feel comfortable doing so - then don't.

Sorry you're having a rough time right now. Sending you tons of hugs.

splendra

You could just wait and let him get closure in court...

Kellye C

I have to agree, it sounds fishy to me. He will get the closure with the no contact when he realizes you two are done. I think there are other motives there, most likely the ones suggested above.

Be true to yourself and what is best for YOU!
Kellye

deettah

In some sense I do think that he is trying to win me back but in others I wonder. He is living with another woman already, only a month after I finally said enough. Which I know doesn't mean much but who knows. I also know that he has been having a very hard time dealing with the break up. My feeling weak is part of the reason I had to leave. I know that if I had really tried I could have saved my house from going back to the bank, could have found a way but I know that if I did stay that I would eventually let him back in again and I couldn't trust myself to protect myself. Does that make sense? I miss him terribly too but I know that this is all for the best, still I can't understand how my HP would allow two people to find eachother, fall in love as deeply as we did only for it to all be destroyed and that is what I struggle with everyday.

splendra

(((((deettah)))))

It is probably not your HP allowing this to happen. I think you HP is giving you the strength to hang in there and do what is best for you.

It can be very sad that we have freedom of choice especially when our choices throw love and family in the wind. Choice is good too cause it does allow us to seek our HP's will for us and that is our highest good.

I admire you so much for having the strength to get him out of your life while he is making the choices he is making. It would be great if you could both win and maybe oneday you both will win. But right now take care of you keep walking and praying and you will come out better off and maybe he will too. Prayer going out for you right now.

StandingStrong

deettah, I do understand what you are saying. But I also know how much our own self doubt and second-guessing can create our own problems and self weakness. Are you still diligently working on your recovery?

I dont know if I am allowed to post this or not - so the mods may delete it - but here is how I feel concerning a HP leading us to be with the one that we love so much just to have it taken away.
For me - I have known my AH since I was in the First Grade. We always had a connection and we've been in each other's lives since we met. However, I believe it was a "lower power" that came and tempted my Ah into his addiction. It was the "lower power" that took my AH away from me when Ah fell to the temptation. It is the "lower power" that keeps working his way into Ah's life - and for awhile, into mine - through AH.
Addiction is an evil thing, a hurtful thing, a weakness in the side of being tempation and I don't believe that a HP would do that to anyone. I believe it's something more of a "lower power". "Lower power" being what you interpret it to be. For me, that is Satan.

Please continue working on YOUR recovery deettah! You deserve so much more than to live your life feeling the way you do right now.

((((deettah)))

deettah

Thank you all, I can't tell you how much you all help me make it through every day. I will try to get stronger and stay strong. I so wish it was with him tho.

Pick-a-name

I wonder that myself.but I know in my head that it is all His plan, and I may never understand. Still............

Hugs to you.I understand how difficult this is. For me; I find praying for strength and to have faith enough to believe is sometimes the only thing I can do..over and over again.

Minx1969

Closure is not something that is given by one person to another..

Closure is when you have worked through the pain and moved on..it's a gift you give yourself...

Deetah- you control the amount of pain you can be in..if you see him - it's going to bring up a world of hurt...are you ready for that?

Pick-a-name

SS...for what it is worth; as time goes on, I believe this more and more. And talking to people who have made it through addiction and into real recovery, I see and hear it loud and clear.

My HP allows bad things to happen, but can and does use them for His own good...........that is where we come in, when we surrender to His will. HP will not force us to do His will; He gives us all free will to choose. Heady stuff, but simple. Just difficult, especially for us humans! (at least this one! )

deettah

At this point I don't think I can handle any more pain. I have had my fill plus some and my body is feeling the affects of it. I have not answered the messages he sent yesterday and don't intend to. Still, I would give anything for just one day of not having to think about all this. It drives me crazy that he can ask those things of me, tell me he misses me and lay down with another woman at night. It honestly turns my stomach.