sadface

Things are at a standstill, but peaceful and I am actually enjoying it. I don't answer the phone when AH calls, but I did last Thursday. Where I work if I am on the phone and another call comes in I don't see the callers ph# so I picked up the phone. It was AH and I told him I couldn't talk because I had a couple of other calls on hold. He stated he called to tell me he was going to give me funds on Saturday. I asked him what happened with our 14 yr going with him on weekends. He told he was going to pick him up last Friday. He didn't come, call or pick up our son. My son still has his backpack packed. I do not call AH or ask anything from him. So I don't understand why he calls to give me his pity story and now is calling to tell me something he has no intention of doing. Just downright lying. Before I used to get mad and call him for money, but I dont' care no more. I feel bad for my son, but I guess he is going to see how his dad is for real. I take this is part of it. Do they eventually get tired of calling? While reading another thread, I also wish things happen to AH. Lately, I have been wishing he moves far away. I don't know if he is actng this way beause of OW or drugs/alcohol or both. My sons says the last time he was with him about 3 wks ago, AH was still drinking.

Zoey

Sorry no reply's. Happens sometimes. Probably cause it is a weekend.
Sounds like you are working a good program, it is sad for your sons, and so very hard to explain. Just really hard for everyone.
Does OW drink with him? Usually it is just someone to drink with. So my guess his actions are all alcohol or drugs. ((Hugs))

WantsOut

Oh Hon, I can only imagine how much this is making you crazy especially with your son's feelings involved.

I think they get tired only when they realize they really aren't going to get what they want from you. I know the feeling wishing he'd move far away. Like Mars, maybe.

dollydo

Crazy is as crazy does...I don't get it either. A couple of times my ex-abf, would call me from work to say he was going to be a 1/2 hr late...then never show up...I ask myself why, why bother calling just don't come home..more drama I guess. I went from saying to myself, good sign, he called, to hurt anger and frustration.

We will never figure out the minds of an alcoholic or addict.

I am sorry for your frustration.

Dolly

rivercitybelle

I guess the easy answer to your question is "No they never get tired of calling" if it's convient to them. It's hard when you want this person to be dependable and reliable but if he wasn't those things in your relationship, why would you expect him to suddenly change and become those things?

It's hard on kids. I'm sorry your son has his bag packed and was ready to go. Was it your son's choice to visit or is/was it more of a manditory visit?
In the future if your son has any weekend plans I'd let him do that and inform x that he'll have to work around them. It's tough choices dealing with an unreliable x, but you sound like you're making progress in your own recovery and those are the important ones.

mallowcup

Maybe he was thinking you wouldn't notice he hasn't paid you or that he didn't pick up his son. Never let him get away without paying, take himt o court. The Judge told me he couldn't make my ex care but he could make him pay. It is so important for that child to know his father is paying, Why, they equate that with caring.Your son should not go without that money even if you don't need it. Put in the bank for him, but by al means, do not let your husband get away without paying. Pride stands in the way or the hassle of collecting. I think it is a mothers obligation to seek support through the courts.

sadface

Thanks everyone. I also think it is drugs/alcohol related. Can someone seek child support even though, we are still married? I don't have the money for a divorce. I did do a legal separation about two years ago, but I understood it was only for two years. At that end, I had a choice of changing it to divorce, but I didn't for several reasons. Anyway, I live in Oregon is child support possible?

pmaslan

The good news is Yes, they do stop calling...
The bad news....when they find a new enabler that is.
Hang in there it doesn't last forever.

sadface

My AH called again. I didn't answer so he left a message. He apologized and wanted me to know he has every intention on following through. He was not able to drop of the funds because..... Anyway, I almost called to ask him if his excuse also prevented him from picking up his son, but I didn't. I called to check up on my son and he stated his dad is picking him up. I guess my son plans on staying the whole week with his dad. I feel sad, because my son is like I was...any little bit of attention or time we spend together it meant he loved me and things were okay. But now I just have to be happy for my son because I know he loves his dad and they get to hang out together. And that is important to my son.

Pick-a-name

Ugh..I know what you are saying and how you feel. My son ( he's 24y now, but it is still his dad) goes back and forth with this still but not so bad. Sad thing is, they got smart to the reality before I did on lots of levels.I just didn't want to give up and accept the reality.

StandingStrong

I don't know about the laws in Oregon, but I know that in the state that I reside in, I can seek child support even though we are still married as we don't live together.
Try calling your local child support agency and asking them if you can't find the answer online.

PaperDolls

Calling you probably makes him feel better.