No What?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Georgia
Posts: 341
No What?
Now that I know my husband is a "dry drunk," how in the world do I handle THAT??? He is always verbally, mentally, and emotionally abusive (never physical) and struts around the house like a king (as a matter of fact he calls himself the king). When he was trying to make a decision the other day and I calmly said "you do whatever you think is right, you are an adult" to which he replyed like a spoiled teenager: "damn right I am!!!"
How am I supposed to handle THAT in my life. He refuses AA and he refuses counciling and he refuses to change (my counselor said he is full of anger and needs professional help)--is my only alternative to leave for good?
I am starting counseling on my own next week as al-anon has only taken me so far (I have more problems then can be handled in a group). I am confused and am a nervous wreak. What now?????
How am I supposed to handle THAT in my life. He refuses AA and he refuses counciling and he refuses to change (my counselor said he is full of anger and needs professional help)--is my only alternative to leave for good?
I am starting counseling on my own next week as al-anon has only taken me so far (I have more problems then can be handled in a group). I am confused and am a nervous wreak. What now?????
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
Blondie,
Sounds like you have a great plan in progress!
I come here, al-anon and counseling!!!!
Check out the stickies posts at the tops of the forums...you might find something that talks to you in the right now
hugs,
live
Sounds like you have a great plan in progress!
I come here, al-anon and counseling!!!!
Check out the stickies posts at the tops of the forums...you might find something that talks to you in the right now
hugs,
live
Paused
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: portland, oregon
Posts: 37
Blondie,
It does sound like you have some tough questions to ask yourself about what you intend to do. It's really tough when they go through a period of sobriety and all the awful behaviors you thought would disappear are still there! Totally frustrating.
Wish I knew what to tell you, but I agree, counseling sounds like a MUST. I hope your husband begins to see how important this is.
Hugs,
kate
It does sound like you have some tough questions to ask yourself about what you intend to do. It's really tough when they go through a period of sobriety and all the awful behaviors you thought would disappear are still there! Totally frustrating.
Wish I knew what to tell you, but I agree, counseling sounds like a MUST. I hope your husband begins to see how important this is.
Hugs,
kate
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Georgia
Posts: 341
It is frustrating and I can't believe I let myself get into this situation. I have no job, two small children, and I am living a few states away from most of my family (my mom lives a few miles away, but one day she wants to help, the next day not). I feel like beating my head against the wall somedays, but I go on. I know I'm not alone, but this situation is so frustrating. I know, really I do, that the only person who can help me is me. It just would be nice if my family supported me a bit. Like when I told my sister I went to al-anon and she said "what the heck for, that's all crap, you don't need that". Plus my mom says "he's the one that is sick, why do YOU need counseling?" I try to explain, but it all falls on deaf ears.
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: portland, oregon
Posts: 37
Well I know what you mean about your family not being supportive. I never bothered to tell mine that I was attending Al-Anon because I knew they would say much the same thing. "Why do you need to go, when HE's the one who's sick?"
I didn't want them to detract from my positive experiences with fellow Al-anon'ers, so I've kept it separate.
And I was sick! Over time, with constant exposure to my A b/f's moodiness, binges and tantrums, this had really affected me and made me sick in a lot of ways. I was also his #1 enabler, totally unhealthy. Codependence made it all worse, and I was the queen of that.
About your mother being close by but not really there for you the way you would like... sometimes cultivating close friendships with people who understand you or have been through similar experiences can make them very much LIKE family. Family by choice, not by blood. Thank God I have a good friend like this who is very much like a sister (we always joke that we MUST be related somehow), and because of her, I am at least able to feel like I DO have supportive family, even though she is not related by blood. She understands me in ways my biological family never will, and never discounts my feelings. When I do spend time with my mother, I just have to appreciate her as she is, without expecting support from her that she's not capable of giving.
I didn't want them to detract from my positive experiences with fellow Al-anon'ers, so I've kept it separate.
And I was sick! Over time, with constant exposure to my A b/f's moodiness, binges and tantrums, this had really affected me and made me sick in a lot of ways. I was also his #1 enabler, totally unhealthy. Codependence made it all worse, and I was the queen of that.
About your mother being close by but not really there for you the way you would like... sometimes cultivating close friendships with people who understand you or have been through similar experiences can make them very much LIKE family. Family by choice, not by blood. Thank God I have a good friend like this who is very much like a sister (we always joke that we MUST be related somehow), and because of her, I am at least able to feel like I DO have supportive family, even though she is not related by blood. She understands me in ways my biological family never will, and never discounts my feelings. When I do spend time with my mother, I just have to appreciate her as she is, without expecting support from her that she's not capable of giving.
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