Anniversary and holiday....
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Anniversary and holiday....
It's our anniversary today and we're off to Cornwall for a week tomorrow so I won't be round.
My present to D broke!!! Meeeep!! I took it out it's box and it fell to pieces - all I could give him was a long note, a thank you for being him. He gave me a 100+yr old silver locket that he's renovated himself, it was broken and tarnished - he even cut the tiny, thin glass to go in it (which came from the lcd screen of a broken camera!).
There are things in this world more powerful than addiction, even while it's active - there's human beings.
My present to D broke!!! Meeeep!! I took it out it's box and it fell to pieces - all I could give him was a long note, a thank you for being him. He gave me a 100+yr old silver locket that he's renovated himself, it was broken and tarnished - he even cut the tiny, thin glass to go in it (which came from the lcd screen of a broken camera!).
There are things in this world more powerful than addiction, even while it's active - there's human beings.
Enjoy you're upcoming week!
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Thanks all of you!!
I've stayed out of most threads today and a bit yesterday - I need to get my head clear and stick to our own experience. I'm hoping we can lay a lot to rest over this week - not hidden away but at rest.
The weather forecast is beautiful and we're going to quit smoking!!
I've stayed out of most threads today and a bit yesterday - I need to get my head clear and stick to our own experience. I'm hoping we can lay a lot to rest over this week - not hidden away but at rest.
The weather forecast is beautiful and we're going to quit smoking!!
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It's been an amazing holiday!! For those with elephant memories...
We flew kites on the beach, played frisby and built a sandcastle!!
It was a real healing time too, for me and I think for D - we talked about things, I had chance to say how much I worried sometimes and that I never knew last year if what I was doing was right or wrong. I talked about how sometimes I still watch and worry, but much less so, less so week by week. I'll keep what D said between us for once - but it was healing for me.
It felt like a real honeymoon, not that we were robbed of a honeymoon before just that it had so many emotions in it. This holiday was about deep residing peace and newness.
And I got to play on the beach - like the stupid advert that got stuck in my head.
The photos will of course follow at some point, ones from inside rock pools pinks and greens, and take him to a tourist hotspot and guess what he photographs? A beatiful wet cobweb!! They're keepers, just like the guy who took 'em!
We flew kites on the beach, played frisby and built a sandcastle!!
It was a real healing time too, for me and I think for D - we talked about things, I had chance to say how much I worried sometimes and that I never knew last year if what I was doing was right or wrong. I talked about how sometimes I still watch and worry, but much less so, less so week by week. I'll keep what D said between us for once - but it was healing for me.
It felt like a real honeymoon, not that we were robbed of a honeymoon before just that it had so many emotions in it. This holiday was about deep residing peace and newness.
And I got to play on the beach - like the stupid advert that got stuck in my head.
The photos will of course follow at some point, ones from inside rock pools pinks and greens, and take him to a tourist hotspot and guess what he photographs? A beatiful wet cobweb!! They're keepers, just like the guy who took 'em!
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Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Canada
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Hey Equus,
I'm really happy you had such a joyous and healing time together. I would love to get away more and feeling a little envious!
But what a great treat to give the two of you, and bring you even closer together than you were before.
best
gf
I'm really happy you had such a joyous and healing time together. I would love to get away more and feeling a little envious!
But what a great treat to give the two of you, and bring you even closer together than you were before.
best
gf
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So much can change in a year - I had to go find this; it was what I wrote before our holiday last year, before things got worse, before it got really bad. I can't believe how much can change in 12 months!!
Originally Posted by equus
I've got a thought stuck in my head and it's not making me happy! On monday night we watched a film - well I watched it, D was asleep on the sofa! It had a scene with a couple mucking about on the beach, running and playfighting and I imagined it being me and D. I felt sad because it seems so far away.
Then there was a thread here about what we want and it came to mind -the running on the beach thing. Two days later it's still stuck inside, part of me hoping and thinking it's not impossible but it feels impossible.
If it was someone else not D I would be angry and sad, I'd rather be sat with him just chatting than running and playing with someone else. The more I try and get the thought out my head, the more it's there, the more I think about something so carefree, playful and fun, the more it hurts knowing the reality would be somewhat muted (bit of an understatement) - maybe a quiet walk instead.
I wish I hadn't seen the film, I wish I hadn't thought it and I wish I could stop thinking about it.
Has anyone else ever got stuck thinking something that isn't doing any good?
I've tried thinking about treats for me, we're going on a tiny holiday by the coast soon and I'm trying to imagine stuff that I know will be there like the swimming pool for dawn swims. But when I imagine anything really active, silly or fun, I imagine D just watching and smiling, or being asleep. I've tried thinking about soaking in the hot tub, but I know he'll only stay in for a few minutes so I end up imagining it alone. I've tried thinking about going for walks (which I know we will do), I had been really looking forward to that till running/playing thought got stuck - now it feels like the muted alternative.
I want it out my head, but the more I try to get rid of it the worse it is.
Then there was a thread here about what we want and it came to mind -the running on the beach thing. Two days later it's still stuck inside, part of me hoping and thinking it's not impossible but it feels impossible.
If it was someone else not D I would be angry and sad, I'd rather be sat with him just chatting than running and playing with someone else. The more I try and get the thought out my head, the more it's there, the more I think about something so carefree, playful and fun, the more it hurts knowing the reality would be somewhat muted (bit of an understatement) - maybe a quiet walk instead.
I wish I hadn't seen the film, I wish I hadn't thought it and I wish I could stop thinking about it.
Has anyone else ever got stuck thinking something that isn't doing any good?
I've tried thinking about treats for me, we're going on a tiny holiday by the coast soon and I'm trying to imagine stuff that I know will be there like the swimming pool for dawn swims. But when I imagine anything really active, silly or fun, I imagine D just watching and smiling, or being asleep. I've tried thinking about soaking in the hot tub, but I know he'll only stay in for a few minutes so I end up imagining it alone. I've tried thinking about going for walks (which I know we will do), I had been really looking forward to that till running/playing thought got stuck - now it feels like the muted alternative.
I want it out my head, but the more I try to get rid of it the worse it is.
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Equus, thank you for that wondeful report. You and D are wonderful examples of recovery, and a beacon of hope for all of us. I'm glad you two had such a great time, you have more than earned it.
Mike
Mike
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You know what? I think we have earned it!! Yes, we had some luck, D with his job, finding a one in a million counsellor and the support I got from friends in real life and here BUT all of that had to come with effort on our part - both of us.
I faced sme of my own demons this holiday, talked about things that were the hardest for me, I faced it down, put my fears of getting it wrong, causing harm etc to one side and just did the best I could. The result was my finding out that best doesn't have to be perfect to be enough - it's always been enough for D even with the mistakes included!
I faced sme of my own demons this holiday, talked about things that were the hardest for me, I faced it down, put my fears of getting it wrong, causing harm etc to one side and just did the best I could. The result was my finding out that best doesn't have to be perfect to be enough - it's always been enough for D even with the mistakes included!
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