lipstiktrasz

um...i don't really know how to this. i just cannot deal with this alone anymore, and i'm not sure exactly what to do. and i am going to go to an al anon meeting tomorrow night, but for now i'm not sure how to handle things. my boyfriend is an alcoholic. iin and out of rehab and AA for a couple of years now. i've only been with him for about 6months and he was doing well when we met. it's gone progressively down hill and he wants to be better and he tries and i'm not sure what to do when he collapses. he's a meeting bar meeting person. he was on his way to a meeting last night. he dropped me off uptown and the last thing i said to him was "get there". and he should have. there were people waiting for him there, people he had introduced himself to because he wants to be better. i went downtown three hours later to pick him up. i was sitting in the lobby of the building the meeting was in, waiting, making a grocery list. i didn't think for a second anything could be wrong. my cell phone rings and it's him and he's in the bar down the street, four drinks down. while takiing antabuse. i took him homoe and i don't know how to handle this situation anymore. is this normal? he got a sponsor today (one of the guys waiting for him at the meeting called) and he's at a meeting right now, across the street froom our house (so convenient right?) but i don't know how to handle this anymore. i don't know if i'm doing the right thing. i don't know if i'm an enabler. i don't even really know what that is. should i be practicing tough love? should i not be so worried. what can i do to help him? what can i do for my own anxiety?

i am sorry this is so long. i am very worried. i am very scared. um...that's it i guess. thank you for listening.

Gabe

Many of us have had the same feelings that you are having right now, so you are not alone. It can be frustrating and emotionally devastating to deal with an alcoholic. I'm glad to hear that you are aware of Alanon as a resource. It will become invaluable to you for your own recovery. The saying in the program is that "alcoholism is a family disease". It affects everyone in the alocholic's "family" including significant others.
This is a great on-line forum for finding experience, strength and hope. Keep the faith, things will get better one day at a time.
Peace,
Gabe

Ann

Welcome to our forum and I hope when you read the threads here you will realize that you are not alone. Don't wastw your emotional energy asking "why" because there is no answer except that he is an alcloholic and that's what alcoholics do.

I say good for him for continuing to try. And I pray he will succeed in staying sober.

I too am a big believer in Al-Anon and it would be a gift to yourself to get to a meeting. Let us know how you make out.

And please feel free to join us here anytime.

Hangin' In

Let me add my 'amen' on you getting to an Al Anon meeting. Lip, the people there will help you understand because they are in the same boat as you are. Learning about what you can do to help you through Al Anon will be the best thing you can do for yourself.

One of the first things you'll learn by attending Al Anon and reading posts here is you can't cause, can't control and can't cure your A's drinking.

So keep coming here, reading the posts and get involved in Al Anon. It will help you get focused on your life and help you decide what is best for you.

Love ya,

Hangin' In

SandyW

Hi New and Welcome:
This is a welcome forum and group of people. Even though I've been an Ala-noun participant for many years....it's also a day to day situation.
My "A" just got 30 days of continuous sobriety after attemtping for many, many years. The alcoholic ego is huge and alcohol is very patient and insidious. Always there waiting to do it's "thing" on the "A". I asked him "what were you thinking" when he got in the car and got a DUI? He asked his group and they explained that alcohol was in charge and made that decision for him. He accepted that and claims that he doesn't want alcohol in charge anymore.
Sounds as if your "A" has alot to lose if he continues drinking, mainly you. Yes, for sure, get to a Ala-noun group. As with here, a good group will surround you, help you to focus on taking care of yourself. I had to visit a few before I found one I felt comfortable with. It's important to discuss the "A" for a short time, but real recovery comes with working in the solution.
Let us know how you're doing, dear, and keep posting.
Special ((Hugs))
Sandy

lipstiktrasz

thank you everyone for your support. i've literally never done anything like this before, and it's very comforting. i am going to the al anon meetign tonight (providing the new york blizzard doesn't detain me). i'm really nervous about going. i don't totally understand what al anon is and what the meeting will be like. i've looked at the website and that's it. am i going to have to work the steps? why? i don't totally understand what the recovery is that i have to do.

i'm a little worried right now. i dropped my A off with his new sponsor at 10am. it's 12:30 now. i'm sure he's at a meeting or something, but last time he went off with a sponsor he spent a few hours with him and by the end of it was so upset he went out drinking. til 7am. i worry all the time. when i don't hear from him, when i don't know where he is, basically any time i know he's awake! i hope he calls soon.

again, thank you everyone for your support. enjoy the snow if you've got it!

liddy

Hi LIp
wishing the best for you, hope you get to the meeting
heard you guys up there got a heck of a snowstorm !
as i read your post i thought back to my own times
of stress on not being able to control what the A did,
it was all good intentioned, we want them safe and
sober. I wont say i can always detach myself fromthe
problem at hand but lip when i do, when i actualy let go
my HP handles things without my interference.
It gives me the time to work on my own life and do
the things that i want to do, like live !
alanon shows us the way but it is up to us to work it
(read the literature, listen,listen listen at the meetings
it helped me so much ) the 12 steps are there when
we're ready to start working them. it all takes time but
give it a chance to work, go at least a few times and
concentrate on getting yourself well again.

love liddy