waiting for rehab
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: lancashire england
Posts: 28
waiting for rehab
Hi again,
Craig is still waiing to get into rehab.
He went to the counselour this morning who told him to book into the private place that costs £15,000 !!!
Less than a week ago he was nearly dead everyone ,s been to hell and back trying to support him.
What I can,t understand and beleive me i,ve tried all day he came back from the appointment and went drinking.
When he told me on the phone he had a drink I said , oh well why don,t you leave the car without mentioning him drinking.
He said ok, then I said that i would prefer it if he didnt call at the house tonight, (He has not lived with me and the 2 children for 3 months due to violence when he is drunk, he became upset with me and hung up.
I found this hard as he made a chioce to have a drink and I made a choice not to see him tonight.
I am very hurt very sad and wondering how long this merry go round will keep on going for.
We nearly have lost our house and now need to borrow money to pay for the rehab.
So sorry to moan I know that there are a lot worse happeing to people but I am so upset at the moment.
Thanks for listening.
Suze
Craig is still waiing to get into rehab.
He went to the counselour this morning who told him to book into the private place that costs £15,000 !!!
Less than a week ago he was nearly dead everyone ,s been to hell and back trying to support him.
What I can,t understand and beleive me i,ve tried all day he came back from the appointment and went drinking.
When he told me on the phone he had a drink I said , oh well why don,t you leave the car without mentioning him drinking.
He said ok, then I said that i would prefer it if he didnt call at the house tonight, (He has not lived with me and the 2 children for 3 months due to violence when he is drunk, he became upset with me and hung up.
I found this hard as he made a chioce to have a drink and I made a choice not to see him tonight.
I am very hurt very sad and wondering how long this merry go round will keep on going for.
We nearly have lost our house and now need to borrow money to pay for the rehab.
So sorry to moan I know that there are a lot worse happeing to people but I am so upset at the moment.
Thanks for listening.
Suze
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Litterbox City
Posts: 5,691
sorry suze you are feeling upset. we can't understand the physical addiction as well as the emotional addiction. he's probably scared and the only way he knows how to deal with it is to drink. i'm not making excuses for him - it just IS. you handled it the best way you could by putting a boundary in place to keep yourself and your kids safe.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
suze, sorry this is happening. i agree, he is probably scared. try to take it a day at a time and try to keep your mind occupied with other thoughts. easier said than done, i know. sometimes just getting out for a leisurely walk (as opposed to my exercise walk) helps calm my mind.
don't worry if people have bigger problems than you. your problems and worries are important. keep posting because that helps, too.
don't worry if people have bigger problems than you. your problems and worries are important. keep posting because that helps, too.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: lancashire england
Posts: 28
Thanks for your kind messages I feel alot better today.
Its just difficult I have watched the lovely man I married 2 years ago turn into a liar a cheat and squandered evry penny we had on alcohol.
That is hard but I also knew he was showing signs of illness that I suspect has been brought on by the alcohol use.
No one seemed to want to listen and I had to watch while he managed to convine evryone that all his problems where caused by me!!
Luckliy all the importnat people have come out of denial and its hard for them now -so I have had top put a brave face on to every man and his dog!!!
I am waiting for the phone call to tell me that the place is ready and fingers crossed Craig will begin his journey to soberity!
Thankyou to all of you who share your wisdom and what must be painful experiences of your own.
Best wishes Suze
Its just difficult I have watched the lovely man I married 2 years ago turn into a liar a cheat and squandered evry penny we had on alcohol.
That is hard but I also knew he was showing signs of illness that I suspect has been brought on by the alcohol use.
No one seemed to want to listen and I had to watch while he managed to convine evryone that all his problems where caused by me!!
Luckliy all the importnat people have come out of denial and its hard for them now -so I have had top put a brave face on to every man and his dog!!!
I am waiting for the phone call to tell me that the place is ready and fingers crossed Craig will begin his journey to soberity!
Thankyou to all of you who share your wisdom and what must be painful experiences of your own.
Best wishes Suze
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
suze, glad you are feeling better today
when we're the ones to close to the A, we see what is happening sooner than others. our friends and family could not accept it, either. slowly that is changing as i am no longer a buffer between my AH and the rest of the world. i did learn in time that i needed to expend my energies elsewhere - including taking care of myself - not in trying to convince people of my AH's illness.
it's all a process, you're new to it and you'll do fine. good luck and hope that phone call comes soon.
when we're the ones to close to the A, we see what is happening sooner than others. our friends and family could not accept it, either. slowly that is changing as i am no longer a buffer between my AH and the rest of the world. i did learn in time that i needed to expend my energies elsewhere - including taking care of myself - not in trying to convince people of my AH's illness.
it's all a process, you're new to it and you'll do fine. good luck and hope that phone call comes soon.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 2,333
A drink in hand right after an appointment to get into rehab....
Losing a home with little kids and taking a loan for something
that your H appears to not take seriously yet????
Egad, I don't know, if it were me (which it's not) I'd let him fend
for himself as far as the rehab goes...
I would be sick to my stomach personally to get a loan for someone
who clearly isn't ready to benefit from the program.
Losing a home with little kids and taking a loan for something
that your H appears to not take seriously yet????
Egad, I don't know, if it were me (which it's not) I'd let him fend
for himself as far as the rehab goes...
I would be sick to my stomach personally to get a loan for someone
who clearly isn't ready to benefit from the program.
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
Thanks, Patty for saying what I was thinking. This is like a long-shot gamble. Seems like if it all works out for the best then I guess it's worth it, but if it doesn't, it will be devastating. I don't know if I would be willing to "sell the farm" for such a not-so-sure thing.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: lancashire england
Posts: 28
Thanks for all your helpful and thought provoking replies.
Intrestingly when we went to look at the rehab place last week i voiced my thoughts that I thought that C was not ready to stop drinking but had merely 'gone along with it all'.
The manager (I think thats who she was) said, most people are,nt ready when thry first arrive but they soon go along with the programe,
I thought this was contridicatory to what I have been reading . I thought hey that sounds abit strange!!
But who am I - she was a to scary to argue with ha ha,,,,,,,,,,
Thank you for supporting me through this difficult time.
Suze
Intrestingly when we went to look at the rehab place last week i voiced my thoughts that I thought that C was not ready to stop drinking but had merely 'gone along with it all'.
The manager (I think thats who she was) said, most people are,nt ready when thry first arrive but they soon go along with the programe,
I thought this was contridicatory to what I have been reading . I thought hey that sounds abit strange!!
But who am I - she was a to scary to argue with ha ha,,,,,,,,,,
Thank you for supporting me through this difficult time.
Suze
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
15,000 quid?!!!! For all you US folks, that's about $25,000, give or take a few thousand.
Sheesh. That's one hell of a gamble that you're taking, Suze, on someone who seems ambivalent about it. Is the counsellor who suggested it in some way connected to the rehab place? And what the manager said - what else was she going to say? That lots of people don't get it first time around? I really hope that Craig has a different experience than others I know about.
I hope you're getting some support through counselling or al-anon or such like.
Sheesh. That's one hell of a gamble that you're taking, Suze, on someone who seems ambivalent about it. Is the counsellor who suggested it in some way connected to the rehab place? And what the manager said - what else was she going to say? That lots of people don't get it first time around? I really hope that Craig has a different experience than others I know about.
I hope you're getting some support through counselling or al-anon or such like.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: lancashire england
Posts: 28
I can,t beleive I,m actualy sat here laughing!!! Thats the price for 28 days in a private hospital.
There is 12 months aftercare and meeting etc.
I am panacking again now ..but the NHS waiting list is very long and the doctor said that he needs a detox urgent and even I know that a Detox on its own is like a head with no shoulders!!
Its a gamble I know but every time he goes out drinking he gambles with his life.
I know i might sound foolish but what are the other options?
Thanks for being there
Suze
Thats the price for 28 days in a private hospital.There is 12 months aftercare and meeting etc.
I am panacking again now ..but the NHS waiting list is very long and the doctor said that he needs a detox urgent and even I know that a Detox on its own is like a head with no shoulders!!
Its a gamble I know but every time he goes out drinking he gambles with his life.
I know i might sound foolish but what are the other options?
Thanks for being there
Suze
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
Was it the GP that said that? Did they not mention detoxing at home?
A quick google search found this http://www.patient.co.uk/showdoc/27000488/
and http://www.lancashire.gov.uk/corpora...Dir=&U_ID=1574
Yes, I agree that detox on its own is nothing more than getting the alcohol out of the system and doesn't address anything else. That's what counsellors and/or AA are there for. As most rehabs are 12 step based, that's a hell of a lot of money to shell out on something that is available elsewhere for a lot less money.
So, that's all about him. What about you?
A quick google search found this http://www.patient.co.uk/showdoc/27000488/
and http://www.lancashire.gov.uk/corpora...Dir=&U_ID=1574
Yes, I agree that detox on its own is nothing more than getting the alcohol out of the system and doesn't address anything else. That's what counsellors and/or AA are there for. As most rehabs are 12 step based, that's a hell of a lot of money to shell out on something that is available elsewhere for a lot less money.
So, that's all about him. What about you?
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Hello suze,
I'm so sorry to hear that you are going thru such hardships. I know how heart breaking it is to see the person you love go thru the nightmare of addiction. Here's a couple suggestion for you to consider.
Rehab is _not_ a guarantee of recovery. If you browse thru this forum you will find many stories of people who went into a rehab program and made no difference at all. You will also find stories of people who _wanted_ to stop the addiction at all cost and were able to do so. Many of them stopped without rehab, without 12 step programs, or with programs other than the traditional AA or NA.
The common factor for all those people who succesfuly stopped the addiction was their own strong desire to do so.
Detox and rehab are two entirely different processes. Detox from alcohol is the supervised reduction of chemicals in the body with the intent of preventing any harmful side effects. Alcohol withdrawal is dangerous for people with a weak heart as it may increase blood pressure. Only a physician with experience in alcohol detox can diagnose the need for medication for such use. In general, most alcohol detox cases can be done in 3 to 5 days.
Inpatient rehab is useful for patients whose mental state is severly impaired to the point that even after the detox period they remain "foggy" or "disoriented". These folks really need to be kept locked up for a couple weeks until the brain becomes "un-pickled" and they are able to fend for themselves.
There are many alternatives to private detox and private rehab. A physician can supervise a in-home detox, and teach the patient how to take his own blood pressure ( it's simple, I take mine all the time ) In the event there is a problem with the blood pressure a visit to the physician may be necessary. In-home rehab is just a fancy name for attending a minimum of one AA meeting per day, preferably more.
If the patient is suficiently motivated, they will do well in _any_ setting. If they are not motivated, there is not hospital in the world that can force them to become motivated. If your husband is truly motivated to stop drinking then perhaps _he_ should be the one to take a personal loan, and not you. If he does not stop drinking there is not point in _you_ getting further in debt. Then again, if he is truly motivated he can just go to meetings of AA, see a physician for detox and not have to take out a loan at all.
I think you have several options available to you, and perhaps you should take a little time to investigate them further before you make a decision. I see where you mention that you rang al-anon, but I don't know if you ever made it to any meetings. At the meetings you can ask the folks about their personal experience with the programs and resources available at your specific location.
I'm praying for you suze, and for Craig too. Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing.
Mike
I'm so sorry to hear that you are going thru such hardships. I know how heart breaking it is to see the person you love go thru the nightmare of addiction. Here's a couple suggestion for you to consider.
Rehab is _not_ a guarantee of recovery. If you browse thru this forum you will find many stories of people who went into a rehab program and made no difference at all. You will also find stories of people who _wanted_ to stop the addiction at all cost and were able to do so. Many of them stopped without rehab, without 12 step programs, or with programs other than the traditional AA or NA.
The common factor for all those people who succesfuly stopped the addiction was their own strong desire to do so.
Detox and rehab are two entirely different processes. Detox from alcohol is the supervised reduction of chemicals in the body with the intent of preventing any harmful side effects. Alcohol withdrawal is dangerous for people with a weak heart as it may increase blood pressure. Only a physician with experience in alcohol detox can diagnose the need for medication for such use. In general, most alcohol detox cases can be done in 3 to 5 days.
Inpatient rehab is useful for patients whose mental state is severly impaired to the point that even after the detox period they remain "foggy" or "disoriented". These folks really need to be kept locked up for a couple weeks until the brain becomes "un-pickled" and they are able to fend for themselves.
There are many alternatives to private detox and private rehab. A physician can supervise a in-home detox, and teach the patient how to take his own blood pressure ( it's simple, I take mine all the time ) In the event there is a problem with the blood pressure a visit to the physician may be necessary. In-home rehab is just a fancy name for attending a minimum of one AA meeting per day, preferably more.
If the patient is suficiently motivated, they will do well in _any_ setting. If they are not motivated, there is not hospital in the world that can force them to become motivated. If your husband is truly motivated to stop drinking then perhaps _he_ should be the one to take a personal loan, and not you. If he does not stop drinking there is not point in _you_ getting further in debt. Then again, if he is truly motivated he can just go to meetings of AA, see a physician for detox and not have to take out a loan at all.
I think you have several options available to you, and perhaps you should take a little time to investigate them further before you make a decision. I see where you mention that you rang al-anon, but I don't know if you ever made it to any meetings. At the meetings you can ask the folks about their personal experience with the programs and resources available at your specific location.
I'm praying for you suze, and for Craig too. Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing.
Mike
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Parker, CO
Posts: 495
Hi Suze, You are going thru a rough time right now. I think you did the right thing by not talking to him. Also, I'm sorry he is having so much trouble getting into rehab. Are tehre any other rehab programs you can check out? Would he be open to going to AA now, maybe he could get sober doing that. Not everyone needs rehab centers. I konw your financial situation is rough, would hate to see you lose your home, esp with two kids in tow.
Please keep us updated on things...
Please keep us updated on things...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: lancashire england
Posts: 28
Hi There
Thanks for all your posts I didnt expect so many responses its made me feel alot better :andy:
The GP did say that C needed the detox - she also said that the fact that C not been prescribed antabuse the week earlier had probaly saved his life!!
He asked for them but was told that it was not an option at that particular time, good job as a few days later he went on a massive bender that left him beaten up in the gutter.
Thanks Minnie for the links Craig has a counselour from the NHS but he said that the only other option to the posh hosptial is a 3 months waiting list at a local rehab .us even beginning to consider paying privatley was that the GP said that he is already showing signs of mental illness,
Gp mentioned Korsekoff,s (you will be used to my dodgy spelling by now sorry!!!).
Craig came to see us tonight says he wants to go in because he really wants to do it this time.
Family have offered to loan the money ...the mortgage company have been helpful and I have set up a repayment plan with them.
Luckily for us I have a reasonably paid job so I will be able to manage to get back on our feet eventually.
So i,m still waiting ......
I never did get to a meeting but I will ,,,
Thanks everyopne I will let you know when the call comes
Best wishes
Suze
Thanks for all your posts I didnt expect so many responses its made me feel alot better :andy:
The GP did say that C needed the detox - she also said that the fact that C not been prescribed antabuse the week earlier had probaly saved his life!!
He asked for them but was told that it was not an option at that particular time, good job as a few days later he went on a massive bender that left him beaten up in the gutter.
Thanks Minnie for the links Craig has a counselour from the NHS but he said that the only other option to the posh hosptial is a 3 months waiting list at a local rehab .us even beginning to consider paying privatley was that the GP said that he is already showing signs of mental illness,
Gp mentioned Korsekoff,s (you will be used to my dodgy spelling by now sorry!!!).
Craig came to see us tonight says he wants to go in because he really wants to do it this time.
Family have offered to loan the money ...the mortgage company have been helpful and I have set up a repayment plan with them.
Luckily for us I have a reasonably paid job so I will be able to manage to get back on our feet eventually.
So i,m still waiting ......
I never did get to a meeting but I will ,,,
Thanks everyopne I will let you know when the call comes
Best wishes
Suze
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