escape artist

here's a new twist. He called this a.m. and said he wanted to see the girls. they were at Sundy school so he asked if he could pick them up. i said ok.

i could feel some anger and resentment welling up because i would really rather not see him at all. it messes with my peace of mind. but i know the girls love him, and as we don't have any child custody arrangements yet, i don't believe it would be fair for me to prevent my children from seeing him as they love him and he does not spend as much time with them as a real father would.

so i journaled and decided that maybe he shows up like this -which he always does after he has had his weekend binge- so that he can get "persecuted" by me-as God knows i have plenty to be angry about. and he usually manages to get it out of me --gets his payoff, confirms his reasons why he is allowed to be a drunk (becoz his wife is a bi#$%) and go on his merry way. (it's all her fault-not mine"). so i gritted my teeth and said no matter what, I am going to behave with not one ioto of malice or anger while he is around- because i REALLY need for him to feel his own pain. or else at least find some other enabler.
I also kept praying for him to leave. but he kept sticking around! He stuck around so long I started running out of things to keep me "busy". and i am thinking "WHAT DOES HE WANT? WHY IS HE STILL HERE?"

well, my solution was to go on the sober recovery site. and sure enough, as soon as he saw the display i was reading- he had to leave. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
THANks So Much SOBER RECOVERY!!!!!!

Kellye C

Good for you! You asked, what does he want? You answered that in your own post. He is used to doing this dance with you as you spelled out so well. He uses the excuse that you jump on him as his excuse to proceed to a pity-party or a justifiable excuse to drink. No doubt that is what he was waiting around for today, his walking papers to his next drink. Only you didn't give it to him, you changed the steps on him. He was probably hanging around wondering what the heck was going on and when you were going to start your part of the dance. It will probably take a while for him to realize that the dance has changed and he will need to find a new partner.

In the meantime, you did great! You came online to your lifeline and support system and didn't give him his excuse. I'm sure he will find another one as alcoholics are good at that (believe me I KNOW!) but it won't be you. He is probably way off kilter right now which is good.

Hugs,
Kellye

Zoey

Wonderfull, such a smart gal. Keep it up. HUGS

BigSis

What an incredible post. Excellent, excellent example of applying recovery. I admire you very much. Thank you for posting this.