Being used
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Ohio
Posts: 6
Being used
Have you ever noticed that as a spose of an A you are always being used. Used as an excuse to drink, as an excuse for everything that they are not happy with in there lives. Becouse of coming to this site and reading all the post, I have been looking deeply at my life and how I react to being used. The first step I took was accepting that his drinking problem was not my fault.
This was very hard for me. I have always blammed myself for anything that did not go perfect. I let him use me as an excuse for all this time. NO MORE. Unfortunally, once you let someone else use you it is very easy to let others. My boss expects my work to be perfect and yet takes all the praise for it. The boss just recieved a big raise because of a project that I did and she took the credit for. NO MORE. I am not mad, I am determine to not be a door mat anymore. I wanted that raise. I deserved that raise. I deserve a spouse who is sober, not angry, loving, kind, and working. I deserve to laugh and not spend all my time working or worring. I deserver a life.
Sorry to vent out on everone tonight but I actually heard my boss brag about her raise and then came home to a drunk again. There he was just laying on the couch watching TV.
Times like this I get mad then depressed. I find it harder and harder to dig out of my depression. I just get overwelmed. Last week I started to keep a journal. This is somthing new to me. I am trying to write in it each day. It has been been very good therapy to get out my feelings. I have shut down my emotions for so long that I found it hard to put them down on paper. Yet I do see how much it has helped me. I do feel stronger each day.
Peanut
This was very hard for me. I have always blammed myself for anything that did not go perfect. I let him use me as an excuse for all this time. NO MORE. Unfortunally, once you let someone else use you it is very easy to let others. My boss expects my work to be perfect and yet takes all the praise for it. The boss just recieved a big raise because of a project that I did and she took the credit for. NO MORE. I am not mad, I am determine to not be a door mat anymore. I wanted that raise. I deserved that raise. I deserve a spouse who is sober, not angry, loving, kind, and working. I deserve to laugh and not spend all my time working or worring. I deserver a life.
Sorry to vent out on everone tonight but I actually heard my boss brag about her raise and then came home to a drunk again. There he was just laying on the couch watching TV.
Times like this I get mad then depressed. I find it harder and harder to dig out of my depression. I just get overwelmed. Last week I started to keep a journal. This is somthing new to me. I am trying to write in it each day. It has been been very good therapy to get out my feelings. I have shut down my emotions for so long that I found it hard to put them down on paper. Yet I do see how much it has helped me. I do feel stronger each day. Peanut
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Oh Peanut, my heart goes out to you. And vent all you want. That is what this site is really good for along with a zillion other things. There are folks here who understand EXACTLY how you feel. And there is comfort in knowing there are other people out there who are going through the same thing you are and they ARE making it.
You are doing the right thing, Peanut. Concentrate on you and don't you accept any of that blame. You ARE a winner. And as for your boss........well, I say..."What goes around, comes around."
Hang in there, gal. Hugs!
Hangin' In
You are doing the right thing, Peanut. Concentrate on you and don't you accept any of that blame. You ARE a winner. And as for your boss........well, I say..."What goes around, comes around."
Hang in there, gal. Hugs!
Hangin' In
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Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: ohio
Posts: 322
Hi Peanut
sometimes venting is just what you need
to be able to express yourself and get it out !
The journal thing has helped me in trying to
get my feelings out honestly for myself and
know the words are for me and my HP alone.
Its also shown how i've been changing in the
past few months, in the beginning it had more to
do with the A's in my life and now its mostly about
ME ! what i think or feel or have learned.
Hangin in said it -what goes around comes around
i realy believe that people do "reap what they sow"
and its a help to me to know that its their problem
not mine I dont need to take any action .
Hugs
liddy
sometimes venting is just what you need
to be able to express yourself and get it out !
The journal thing has helped me in trying to
get my feelings out honestly for myself and
know the words are for me and my HP alone.
Its also shown how i've been changing in the
past few months, in the beginning it had more to
do with the A's in my life and now its mostly about
ME ! what i think or feel or have learned.
Hangin in said it -what goes around comes around
i realy believe that people do "reap what they sow"
and its a help to me to know that its their problem
not mine I dont need to take any action .
Hugs
liddy
Learning to love life...
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 529
Peanut,
Sometimes being used FEELS like the "kind" thing to do... like we are TAKING CARE of them. Being used makes us feel use-full; at least thats how I felt. But I have taken great strides in working on myself in the past little while - mainly because working on HIM did no good at all - and it's amazing how soon you stop being a door mat for them. Suddenly YOUR life, and YOUR issues take precedence over theirs; and thats the way it should be. You should always put yourself ahead of everything else. Am I taking care of MY life? Am I happy with myself just the way things are? Do I have dreams and desires that aren't being met? And then ask yourself... what am I waiting for?!
Take care peanuts,
Meg
Sometimes being used FEELS like the "kind" thing to do... like we are TAKING CARE of them. Being used makes us feel use-full; at least thats how I felt. But I have taken great strides in working on myself in the past little while - mainly because working on HIM did no good at all - and it's amazing how soon you stop being a door mat for them. Suddenly YOUR life, and YOUR issues take precedence over theirs; and thats the way it should be. You should always put yourself ahead of everything else. Am I taking care of MY life? Am I happy with myself just the way things are? Do I have dreams and desires that aren't being met? And then ask yourself... what am I waiting for?!
Take care peanuts,
Meg
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Texas
Posts: 178
Hi Peanut
I am sorry that you enduring all this awful stuff my heart goes out to you at the same time I am letting you know that you do not have to endures this.
Get some help! A journal is a great way to vent, this board is a great way to vent with all these beautiful people on here BUT it is not making serious changes in your life.
I know it is hard but you can do it. Educate yourself, go to counseling and find out why you are allowing people to USE YOU and why you are in an abusive relationship with an A.
You are a wonderful human being that deserves the very best but it starts with you and until you get up and make those changes yourlife will be like this for always do not make themistake of thinking, oh it will get better , it will not! not without you making it happen for you!
God Bless!
Get some help! A journal is a great way to vent, this board is a great way to vent with all these beautiful people on here BUT it is not making serious changes in your life.
I know it is hard but you can do it. Educate yourself, go to counseling and find out why you are allowing people to USE YOU and why you are in an abusive relationship with an A.
You are a wonderful human being that deserves the very best but it starts with you and until you get up and make those changes yourlife will be like this for always do not make themistake of thinking, oh it will get better , it will not! not without you making it happen for you!
God Bless!
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