brdlvr2

After making it very clear to my xbf that I will not even talk to him if he continues to talk to me rude, mean and nasty. He now seems to be trying another approach to suck me back in.

He now is calling just once a day, after work when he gets home. He is nice, friendly (sober - but I know that' s only because he's broke and his boss will not give him an advance as he doesn't trust that he will get drunk and not go to work). He isn't begging me back like before, or keeping the conversation long. Just hi, how are you doing type of thing.

I have a feeling this is another "trick" of his. He is still not working a program and was drunk and nasty most of last week.

Do you think I"m right in my assumption? P.S. before you ask why I even care or am still taking his calls. I guess it's just where I'm at in recovery. I've made great progress but still not There yet.

gelfling

The best approach to our recovery is baby steps. You're in a better place and it will get even better in time.

Do you think he's manipulating you? Jekyll/Hyde syndrome...mean and nasty than sweet as pie? Go with your gut. And you'll probably be right.

pmaslan

As long as he is drinking and not in a program, I think the answer is simple.
No contact. You have said that you really don't have feeling for him
anymore, so I wonder why you even bother with any of the calls.
Just keep working your own program, one day those calls will definately
fall on deaf ears.....

Minx1969

Yes..he probably is..

In my experience, my exabf found reasons to call me even though I was the one who "had too many issues"

I stopped taking his calls and got better..he's still drinking as far as I know..

mallowcup

You said ex boyfriend. I think it's important to make the boundaries clear, talking to him each day may cloud the issue for him. He has his demons to fight. The one thing I would never want to think ifs that I gave false hope. You set boundaries and so far he's honoring them. He may relapse, he may not. Change starts with a day 1. If you don't believe he can change, why are you talking to him at all. This seems like a good opportunity to compliment his efforts and praise his success so far.

nutz

My ESH,
I went thru the same song and dance with my girlfirend.
She had over 8 years clean and sober..but major gambling problems.
Suicide threats, called, e-mail..the hold nine yard and more.
After those stages
She started showing up drunk at my front door.
Passed out in her car, break in my house, in the middle of the night.
I caved in. She started attending meetings again. Not as chaoctic
becuase she was too pyhsical sick and tired.

Withing 30 days..or she got will enough to do it again.
And on gose the cycle of insanity again.
I didn't catch on until the 90 days range.
Bewilder or Crap...this looks familar.
It's been a total nightmair. I feel sick and tire and drain
more than I've been. It gets worst and worst.
"i'm the one with all the issuse too".lol

I've been going thur this break up/ seperation
cycle for almost three years.

Currently we are breaking up again. After all the talks....I got suckered!!!
Thur all this chaos...She told me she was going gambling lastnight.
She's been drinking, too. I'm DRain !

So...I'm hoping this time. NO contacts.
I'm not really sure what to do.
My life is a total wreack. I'm a total wreack.
I'm might need to go to a different planet, just to get away.

CatsTail

Yes of course it's manipulation.

What has changed?

Has he been sober any length of time?

Is he going to meetings?
Got a sponsor?
Working the steps?

If it's no to all those questions then......yes it's manipulation.

Ngaire

StandingStrong

He's talking to you when he's not drinking. He's also not talking about anything serious.

I don't know your man - but I know that ah used to do this to me. It was considered effort on his part - but at the same time - he was only giving me what he could. Making it appear as though it was a big sincere effort, etc. when in truth it was doing what he could while he could, but only on a temporary scale until he went back to the same old thing (drinking again, etc)

Manipulation?
More along the words of "deceiving" in my book.

FEAR - False Evidence Appearing Real.

Just my thoughts on the subject anyways.

Gabe

Brd, the bottom line is...if you're not going to play anymore, than any form of manipulation he uses isn't going to work.
Doesn't matter what he's doing, or why.
What matters is how you react to it.
As long as your serenity isn't for sale, you are going to be just fine.