sunshine003

Last night AH and I were laying in bed, watching TV. He told me he had a dinner engagement tonight for work and I asked what time he'd be home. An hour goes by and I made some insignificant joke, i laughed, he sort of laughed and then said as if he was joking back, 'I wouldn't keep it up if I were you, remember, I have a dinner engagement tomorrow and you'll give me an excuse to drink." He said it as if he was kidding but well, he wasn't. I started laughing, I was almost in tears. He asked what was so amusing. I started mocking him, "oh, you're so scary. don't say that or I'll show you and stay out all night drinking. I can dish it out but I can't take it so if you keep it up I'm gonna drink and it's all your fault. Don't back me into a corner or I'll show you and drink it up ....I also won't answer my phone when you try to call me, I'll show you."

I couldn't quit laughing because his silly, little joked just put me on the in. It made me realize, all this time, he was indeed looking for an excuse to drink. He could find anger in a joke and use it as an excuse. Once I laughed at him and said all that, it took his power away.

I called him out on it and let him in on how his stuff isn't going to work anymore.

Goodness that felt good and I still laugh when I think of it.

ASpouse

I bet that did feel good ....... and he didn't respond to your temporary bout of insanity or asked to be let in on the joke? too funny

gelfling

Quick thinking!!!

sunshine003

he sure didn't and it felt so good to say that out loud...showing him just how silly i find his reasons for drinking to be, not to mention the fact that I didnt' fall for it. He was trying to pick a little arguement so he could find a reason to drink tonight. I didn't give him one.

ASpouse

Well congratulations then ....... hugs all around Sunshine!

StandingStrong

And if he does go out and drink tonight - and blames you for ridiculing him and making fun of him - how are you going to react?


Not saying that will happen - but I can see it being a possibility.

I remember the first time that ah came home and was being his usual jerk self - AND MY REACTION HAD CHANGED. This was years ago and it took me a long time to really "get it". But I remember so clearly the night he came home and started in on the whole blaming, yadda yadda yadda thing - and I laughed at him. The more he went with it, the more I just laughed, smiled, and rolled my eyes. For some reason, that night it all just seemed soooooooooo ridiculous!!! I think that was when it began changing. I no longer argued with him or tried to rationalize, etc. because I knew it was senseless. That was way before I found any type of support or Alanon-based support and SR. It just was so ridiculous that I didn't even need help in seeing it. I still shake my head when I remember that night - it was just so stupid.

Glad to hear that you are handling things better and finally seeing it for how it is. Feels good in a weird sort of way, huh?

sunshine003

Yes, it does feel good. If he does it anyway I don' tthink I could react. I mean, I knew exactly what he was doing last night. He was looking for my approval to drink. He wanted me to say, "If you want to drink then do it just odn't blame me." But I didn'teven do that. If he pulls his stunt tonight, I'm going to still sleep like a baby.

Speaking of babys, my baby is sick with a bad cold so she didn't sleep well last night. I was up nursing, rocking, walking the floor. So if he pulls a night tonight, I really am too tired to fall for it and yes, it is ridiculous. I can't believe I ever fell for theblaming he'd place on me. It sounds like such nonesense now and saying it the way I did last night, madeit sound just so immature.

He has said the things I mocked before...I went on for a bit. I can't tell you how many times he's said something like, "Don't start with me, you know I don't like being backed into a corner...." Or, "I didn't come home last night because you made me mad, so I drank and I didn't answer my phone because I didn't want to talk to you." I'd fall for all that stuff.

megamysterioso

Glad you're not falling for it anymore Sunshine! Take good care of your baby and I hope tonight is a better one for both you and her!

The blame game is the stupidest game on the planet- when I picked my AH up from the ER the next day (went for alcohol poisoning), he said, "you ought to know better than to let me alone in a bar." It was my doing b/c I was not glued to his hip! I wasn't amused, but did not take it seriously b/c what are you going to do? Our men have no one to blame but themselves and if they were courageous and dignified enough, they would take responsibility for their own actions.

sunshine003

mega, my AH told me after his terrible car accident (got in it about two-three months ago) that had he not felt like I would have been mad if he didn't come home, he would not have driven home. Of course, he said it as if he were joking so I am just supposed to laugh. But HELLO, I had been up all night worried sick, picturing him in a car wreck. He didn't answer his phone and was supposed to be home by 10. What kept me sane was he's done this so many times but I just couldn't help but worry. Sure enough, he had been in a wreck. Got in one around midnight and nobody found him til morning....10:00 in the morning and by then, I was frantic because I just knew something was wrong when he didn't even show up for work, he never does that. I wish at that moment I would have joked back and said something like I did last night. But right at that moment, I was hurt at what he said because I was tired, worried and most of all, worn out. Just start laughing when he does that blame thing...he probably won't even get it.

megamysterioso

How horrid that he made that comment "jokingly" or not. I bet you were worried sick. In all honesty, he probably would have gone out and gotten drunk anyway (even if you called him on it like you did last night). They just have to learn for themselves. Glad he survived the wreck OK though.