Tomorrow=Face to face with OTHER WOMAN!!
harleygirl92156
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: IOWA
Posts: 430
Tomorrow=Face to face with OTHER WOMAN!!
Tomorrow I will be attending a function sponsored by my husbands company. The woman he had an affair with is on the committee and will undoubtly be there, center of attentions as usual.
In the past when he was drinking, I was not invited to company functions, but this time, before he accepted the invitation, he called and checked to see if we were free and if I would like to go. I said was reluctant but agreed to attend. A few days later I found out from the company news letter that she was one of the employees in charge.
He has promised me before not to put me in uncomfortable situations with any of the other women. (there are 2 and both work with him). So I have to wonder why he is doing this.
I have not said a word to him about her being there (for me this has been extremely difficult, but working my program) and he hasn't mentioned it either. I have to assume he is working toward letting those he works with know our marriage is healing, that we are a couple and we are happy. If that is not the case, I will know tomorrow.
I guess I am just uncomfortable. I want to go if his intentions are to let his co-workers know we are working it out and our marriage is intact. But I don't want to face this woman. She is an in your face type of person and does things (wave and smile at me when she sees me, honks and waves when I meet her in the car, etc) that I feel are inappropriate under the circumstances. I know she knows that I know as hubby has told me he told her and I believe him.
I am afraid I will lose my temper tomorrow and I don't want to. I want to keep my dignity in tact and return home with it. I also don't want to end up being angry with my husband over this.
I know you all can't come with me physically and lend me moral support, but you can go with me in my mind. Any suggestions to help me handle the situation would be appreciated and PRAYERS FOR ME TO KEEP MY TEMPER AND RETURN HOME WITH MY DIGNITY IN PLACE ARE NEEDED.
Thanks for listening and for the prayers I know will be sent my way.
God Bless you all and thank God for SR!
In the past when he was drinking, I was not invited to company functions, but this time, before he accepted the invitation, he called and checked to see if we were free and if I would like to go. I said was reluctant but agreed to attend. A few days later I found out from the company news letter that she was one of the employees in charge.
He has promised me before not to put me in uncomfortable situations with any of the other women. (there are 2 and both work with him). So I have to wonder why he is doing this.
I have not said a word to him about her being there (for me this has been extremely difficult, but working my program) and he hasn't mentioned it either. I have to assume he is working toward letting those he works with know our marriage is healing, that we are a couple and we are happy. If that is not the case, I will know tomorrow.
I guess I am just uncomfortable. I want to go if his intentions are to let his co-workers know we are working it out and our marriage is intact. But I don't want to face this woman. She is an in your face type of person and does things (wave and smile at me when she sees me, honks and waves when I meet her in the car, etc) that I feel are inappropriate under the circumstances. I know she knows that I know as hubby has told me he told her and I believe him.
I am afraid I will lose my temper tomorrow and I don't want to. I want to keep my dignity in tact and return home with it. I also don't want to end up being angry with my husband over this.
I know you all can't come with me physically and lend me moral support, but you can go with me in my mind. Any suggestions to help me handle the situation would be appreciated and PRAYERS FOR ME TO KEEP MY TEMPER AND RETURN HOME WITH MY DIGNITY IN PLACE ARE NEEDED.
Thanks for listening and for the prayers I know will be sent my way.
God Bless you all and thank God for SR!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,579
What Christie said..........you've come a long way!
Prayers going out to you to help lock the door on that chapter. Sending you a big hug,too...........think of us all being there (bathroom break?haha) with you for support because we WILL be there in spirit. I am sure you will do very well.
Do you know anyone else that will be there? If not......maybe time to meet a few and ignore these other two.
Prayers going out to you to help lock the door on that chapter. Sending you a big hug,too...........think of us all being there (bathroom break?haha) with you for support because we WILL be there in spirit. I am sure you will do very well.
Do you know anyone else that will be there? If not......maybe time to meet a few and ignore these other two.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: USA
Posts: 346
If he promised to care for you while you're there, go for it. You'll know sooner or later if he really meant it. Then you'll have the front knowledge to know how to deal with it.
Please remember that popping him upside the head is probably an ineffective answer - yet one that makes you feel soooooooo gooooodddd!!!! LOL!
Please remember that popping him upside the head is probably an ineffective answer - yet one that makes you feel soooooooo gooooodddd!!!! LOL!
harleygirl92156
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: IOWA
Posts: 430
My Higher Power may be at work.
My hubby is a volunteer fireman and has been out most of the night on a house fire. Sadly I just heard them call for a doctor to come to the scene which means there was fatality..(I pray no children, that just tears me up when children die in a fire) This means the fire department will have to secure the scene until the fire marshall arrives and he has to come from two hours away. It is Sunday so I don't look to see him home for a very long time. I would suspect we will not be going to the company function today. Maybe just wishful thinking.
What I know is if my Higher Power doesn't think it is best for me to be there today I won't be there, if He thinks it is I will. Only He knows what is truely best for me.
I am prepared to look knock out good today!!!
My hubby is a volunteer fireman and has been out most of the night on a house fire. Sadly I just heard them call for a doctor to come to the scene which means there was fatality..(I pray no children, that just tears me up when children die in a fire) This means the fire department will have to secure the scene until the fire marshall arrives and he has to come from two hours away. It is Sunday so I don't look to see him home for a very long time. I would suspect we will not be going to the company function today. Maybe just wishful thinking.
What I know is if my Higher Power doesn't think it is best for me to be there today I won't be there, if He thinks it is I will. Only He knows what is truely best for me.
I am prepared to look knock out good today!!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: houston, tx
Posts: 323
I think it is a very good thing that he wants you to go! If you end up going- and do go if he does so you won't be wondering what went on- just be very attentive to your h. I will pray ow does not approach- it would be hard not to mutter something really mean to her under your breath. dax
harleygirl92156
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: IOWA
Posts: 430
Originally Posted by dax
I will pray ow does not approach- it would be hard not to mutter something really mean to her under your breath. dax
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in the present moment
Posts: 2,060
Harleygirl:
Its a positive move that he wants to show that his marriage is strong. Frankly, if I were the other woman/women, I would be feeling uncomfortable and would want to hide knowing that he was bringing his wife.
If you do end up going, keep your head high and your heart strong. Its a healing turn of events.
And, if you don't end up going, ditto above.
Its a positive move that he wants to show that his marriage is strong. Frankly, if I were the other woman/women, I would be feeling uncomfortable and would want to hide knowing that he was bringing his wife.
If you do end up going, keep your head high and your heart strong. Its a healing turn of events.
And, if you don't end up going, ditto above.
harleygirl92156
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: IOWA
Posts: 430
Originally Posted by miss communicat
Harleygirl:
Its a positive move that he wants to show that his marriage is strong. Frankly, if I were the other woman/women, I would be feeling uncomfortable and would want to hide knowing that he was bringing his wife.
If you do end up going, keep your head high and your heart strong. Its a healing turn of events.
And, if you don't end up going, ditto above.
Its a positive move that he wants to show that his marriage is strong. Frankly, if I were the other woman/women, I would be feeling uncomfortable and would want to hide knowing that he was bringing his wife.
If you do end up going, keep your head high and your heart strong. Its a healing turn of events.
And, if you don't end up going, ditto above.
I am not sure that is what his motive is (show marriage is strong) I am just assuming the best as he promised me he would keep me out of any uncomfortable situations. That is the only reason I can come up with that the man would willing put us all in the same room??? But then again he is a man and who knows if he even realizes the situation he is setting up.
We are suppose to leave to go in an hour and he isn't home yet, so as usual all the worry and apprehension could be for nothing.
I am READY TO GO though and damn I look GOOD and I smell even better. Got my sexys on underneath just so I feel good all the way through. They got nothing on me!! I have the right to be there BESIDE my husband and they can just look on and WISH they were me!!
Getting my self siked up!
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In Search of Finding ME!
Posts: 1,246
Facing the other woman is one of the hardest things that I've ever had to do. It's one thing to see them from afar, but harder still to be there face to face with them. I know how nervous you are.
If you end up going today (which is looking doubtful at this point), or have another time come up that puts you in this situation again, there is something that I'd like to point out to you. It's obvious, I know, but sometimes it's also very easy to forget.
He wants to be with YOU. He is with YOU. He loves YOU. and he is trying to keep his marriage together with YOU. More than likely, the other woman (women) has issues within herself that she may not be able to see this. But YOU will know that she may have just been a mistake - but that in his eyes, YOU are NOT a mistake. He wants to be with YOU.
I still have a hard time when I see the other women. I have a lot of emotions, ranging from anger, hurt, etc all the way to feeling sorry for her and the type of person she is.
I guess I just wanted you to know that I understand your fears. I understand how you feel.
(((hugs)))
If you end up going today (which is looking doubtful at this point), or have another time come up that puts you in this situation again, there is something that I'd like to point out to you. It's obvious, I know, but sometimes it's also very easy to forget.
He wants to be with YOU. He is with YOU. He loves YOU. and he is trying to keep his marriage together with YOU. More than likely, the other woman (women) has issues within herself that she may not be able to see this. But YOU will know that she may have just been a mistake - but that in his eyes, YOU are NOT a mistake. He wants to be with YOU.
I still have a hard time when I see the other women. I have a lot of emotions, ranging from anger, hurt, etc all the way to feeling sorry for her and the type of person she is.
I guess I just wanted you to know that I understand your fears. I understand how you feel.
(((hugs)))
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
HG... you are one tough, elegant woman and that recovery looks so damned FINE on you.
Home or go - either way, you will be fine.
Thank you for being so willing to let HP guide you on this.
Home or go - either way, you will be fine.
Thank you for being so willing to let HP guide you on this.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,579
I lost my post again....drat!
I know the OW (of AH.ugh). My advice....(for what it's worth) is to be polite but ignore her. You did nothing wrong so hold your head up tall and don't stoop to her Jr. High level. If you encounter her I would smile, say hello (like you would anyone else) and keep doing what you were doing.
She knows about you, you know about her and she knows you know........take away her "power" over you by keeping her one of "the crowd". I would let AH do and say whatever he wants to......to her;anyone there. He's a big boy...let him do what he wants. I'd act like it didn't bother me,too...and MEAN IT! In fact, I would give him lots of room...in a nice way (like you trusted him and weren't worried and you were both having a nice time.)
I wouldn't hang out with her, talk. She will probably either stay clear or make a fool of herself....let her. Don't stoop to her level.
Have fun with the other people there......be so interested with them that you don't have the time or inclination to care what she or AH are doing. I have done that before and at a certain point I think AH started worrying about what was going on with me....haha.
If God brings you to it, He will bring you thru it...maybe He will not even bring you to it....today. Good luck and remember......keep YOUR dignity, this is their mess....AH is dam# lucky you are still there for him.
By the way.....I did have occasion to do this.....freaked OW out and probably AH,too (like what do I know that they don't and maybe they felt silly and embarrassed,too. who knows?) I think "blowing a gasket",etc "validate why he has to be with her"blah.....just like the drinking, it eases their conscience in some sick way when you enter their sick drama. again :JMHO
I know the OW (of AH.ugh). My advice....(for what it's worth) is to be polite but ignore her. You did nothing wrong so hold your head up tall and don't stoop to her Jr. High level. If you encounter her I would smile, say hello (like you would anyone else) and keep doing what you were doing.
She knows about you, you know about her and she knows you know........take away her "power" over you by keeping her one of "the crowd". I would let AH do and say whatever he wants to......to her;anyone there. He's a big boy...let him do what he wants. I'd act like it didn't bother me,too...and MEAN IT! In fact, I would give him lots of room...in a nice way (like you trusted him and weren't worried and you were both having a nice time.)
I wouldn't hang out with her, talk. She will probably either stay clear or make a fool of herself....let her. Don't stoop to her level.
Have fun with the other people there......be so interested with them that you don't have the time or inclination to care what she or AH are doing. I have done that before and at a certain point I think AH started worrying about what was going on with me....haha.
If God brings you to it, He will bring you thru it...maybe He will not even bring you to it....today. Good luck and remember......keep YOUR dignity, this is their mess....AH is dam# lucky you are still there for him.
By the way.....I did have occasion to do this.....freaked OW out and probably AH,too (like what do I know that they don't and maybe they felt silly and embarrassed,too. who knows?) I think "blowing a gasket",etc "validate why he has to be with her"blah.....just like the drinking, it eases their conscience in some sick way when you enter their sick drama. again :JMHO
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: north carolina
Posts: 365
wish i would have seen this sooner to give you more moral support if you went!!! i think he is doing it for all the right reasons.after all, you said yourself when he was drinking,you werent even invited.(because he knew he was doing or gonna do wrong)
i can not believe that she waves,and honks and does all that crap!! if i was the ow,i would surely not be able to behave like that.tells you just what type of person she is.shes not just the ow,shes the lowest of the ow. dont be like her. be polite and distant,with your dignity intact. and as someone said,i bet it sure looks good on you!!
and yes, we are all there with ya if we need to be.
i can not believe that she waves,and honks and does all that crap!! if i was the ow,i would surely not be able to behave like that.tells you just what type of person she is.shes not just the ow,shes the lowest of the ow. dont be like her. be polite and distant,with your dignity intact. and as someone said,i bet it sure looks good on you!!
and yes, we are all there with ya if we need to be.
harleygirl92156
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: IOWA
Posts: 430
Well, we went, and I returned home dignity in tact!!!
He showed up at home with 30 minutes to get ready! I was ready and waiting, lookin' fine! I managed to not say a word before we got there too, I am so proud of myself.
Well, the one in charge was there all full of herself just as I suspected she would be. My dear sponsor showed up to give me moral support, that was a nice surprise and of course I had all of you with me!
It was really kind of funny. We arrived and settled in with our team. We had to draw for lanes and the people in charge were handing out tee shirts. Hubby walked up to the table to draw for our number, he was standing right dead in front of her and I was clear across the room. She looked up at him, turned beet red, turned and hollered to me all across the room, Becky what size shirts do you and Darrell want? Funny, funny, funny. She knows she isn't suppose to talk to him, don't know if she tries at work, but she certainly didn't there.
Hubby was loving, (kisses for every strike we each got) and attentive, we socailized and bowled and I REALLY had a GOOD time! I am so proud of ME and HIM! He knew I was uncomfortable and all he did was lean over and say "Baby, it's alright, it will be alright, I love you." Doesn't get better than that!!
I would go again in a minute. Ice is broken and she was given no power in fact any power she thinks she may have had was taken away by me just being myself, holding my head up and having a good time in spite of her.
As I saw her I realized what a pathetic life she has, married to an alcoholic who pays no attention to her, has nothing because he drinks it all away. She makes herself the center of attention in very unflattering ways because it is the only way she can get attention. She really leads a sad life. That is as much compassion as I can muster today, but I will keep working on it.
PS. The house fire was pretty upsetting for hubby. There were tears when he got home (something that wouldn't have happened a couple years ago). No children but and elderly lady who was an amputee and couldn't escape. Her husband tried to get her out but couldn't. He did however save his grandchildren who were spending the night. Grandpa is in the hospital with smoke inhalation. Sad, I don't know them but still ask that you remember the family in your prayers. Thanks.
I am going to go spend some time with hubby, WE deserve it!!!
Thanks, prayers work!!!
He showed up at home with 30 minutes to get ready! I was ready and waiting, lookin' fine! I managed to not say a word before we got there too, I am so proud of myself.
Well, the one in charge was there all full of herself just as I suspected she would be. My dear sponsor showed up to give me moral support, that was a nice surprise and of course I had all of you with me!
It was really kind of funny. We arrived and settled in with our team. We had to draw for lanes and the people in charge were handing out tee shirts. Hubby walked up to the table to draw for our number, he was standing right dead in front of her and I was clear across the room. She looked up at him, turned beet red, turned and hollered to me all across the room, Becky what size shirts do you and Darrell want? Funny, funny, funny. She knows she isn't suppose to talk to him, don't know if she tries at work, but she certainly didn't there.
Hubby was loving, (kisses for every strike we each got) and attentive, we socailized and bowled and I REALLY had a GOOD time! I am so proud of ME and HIM! He knew I was uncomfortable and all he did was lean over and say "Baby, it's alright, it will be alright, I love you." Doesn't get better than that!!
I would go again in a minute. Ice is broken and she was given no power in fact any power she thinks she may have had was taken away by me just being myself, holding my head up and having a good time in spite of her.
As I saw her I realized what a pathetic life she has, married to an alcoholic who pays no attention to her, has nothing because he drinks it all away. She makes herself the center of attention in very unflattering ways because it is the only way she can get attention. She really leads a sad life. That is as much compassion as I can muster today, but I will keep working on it.
PS. The house fire was pretty upsetting for hubby. There were tears when he got home (something that wouldn't have happened a couple years ago). No children but and elderly lady who was an amputee and couldn't escape. Her husband tried to get her out but couldn't. He did however save his grandchildren who were spending the night. Grandpa is in the hospital with smoke inhalation. Sad, I don't know them but still ask that you remember the family in your prayers. Thanks.
I am going to go spend some time with hubby, WE deserve it!!!
Thanks, prayers work!!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: north carolina
Posts: 365
that is all so awesome!!! i actually got chills when i read it!! your hubby is a really special guy--i love the way he handled it,exactly how i would have wanted, if it were me......and you know of course,you're a special woman......sure gonna be some good romance in that house tonight,and i do believe here on out!!
i am so sorry about the family in the fire............my prayers are certainly with them...that poor man.
i am so sorry about the family in the fire............my prayers are certainly with them...that poor man.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Ft Lauderdale Florida
Posts: 23
Since you took my name (Ha) bet older and had longer than you (just kidding) I will pray because I know that type of situation and once years ago and I handled the only way I knew how with witty remarks and walking away hopefully keeping my dignity
Good Luck this latest relationship ended Jan 10 and a friend of ex (alcohol and crack addict both) gave me a desription and she has house 2 streets from where apt was anyway never saw her and sometimes it haunts me don't know which is worse but thankfully I did not have to see them together while still so fresh and raw you must have some courage God Bless
Good Luck this latest relationship ended Jan 10 and a friend of ex (alcohol and crack addict both) gave me a desription and she has house 2 streets from where apt was anyway never saw her and sometimes it haunts me don't know which is worse but thankfully I did not have to see them together while still so fresh and raw you must have some courage God Bless
harleygirl92156
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: IOWA
Posts: 430
Originally Posted by Distraught
Since you took my name (Ha) bet older and had longer than you (just kidding)
Thanks for the kind words.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,579
Harley...........so glad the day went so well for you. Things at your house have certainly improved over the months I have been at SR and I am so happy for you both that they have.
I have prayed for the family in the fire and will keep them in my prayers.
Thanks for the report about your day. It's extra nice to hear the good news here!
I have prayed for the family in the fire and will keep them in my prayers.
Thanks for the report about your day. It's extra nice to hear the good news here!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
