mimi79

I'm new to this but am agonizing over my boyfriend's relapse and hoped I could get some guidance.
My boyfriend has been sober for 2 years (this past December). He's done amazing and completely changed his life by going back to college, playing organized sports and continuing to work. Over the last couple days, he complained of feeling down and I tried to talk to him but he seemed like he was just a "normal" kind of blue and said he would be okay. Just in a funk. However, he's dealt with depression for years and is on meds for it.
Last night, he stumbled into my apartment at 5:30 am and it was hard to tell at first what was up but before long it was obvious that he had been drinking. He admitted it to it before passing out. All I could do was cry till I had to get ready for work...while he slept. I thought about calling in to work but both my manager and director were out and i knew i needed to be at work, so i went. i've left a few messages and he hasn't returned my calls. i drove over to his apartment just to make sure he was there...his car is there and i'm pretty certain he's there sleeping or depressed. i don't know what to do at this point. i'm struggling with whether to tell his family (they're really close) but i want to talk with him first. i just don't know what to do.

princess9282001

Welcome Mimi!

I'm sorry to hear about your bf's relapse. I know its hard. I think you should talk to him first. Try to help him work through his problem first. Maybe he didnt want to talk to you because he felt like he let you down. I dont know waht else to say but get him help and dont let his family know about it unless it continues. I dont think you need to worry them at this point, but who am I to say. Good luck and were all prayin for ya.

mimi79

Thanks so much for your kind words. I really needed to get that off of my chest. It's hard to struggle through it alone. I appreciate the listening and have a feeling that this group will definitely be helpful.
Thanks again!

emmanuel2012

the worst thing to do is to be resentful over the relapse, don't make it more of a drama than it needs to be, because that could make it a longer relapse. maybe suggest to try the program of AA and just try again; talk about whether he was working the steps to the best of his ability or not. if he goes out again or you can sense that he will, try to talk to him at the end of his spree, while feeling the negative effects of it, don't yell at him when hes goes running out the door, if he does. allow it. although difficult, i think the best way is to be as calm as possible. he's gotta drink his last drink. the recovery thing is all up to how far he is willing to go to get it.

what step was he on? did he simply just become complacent? this stuff happens a lot... and happened to me too. the best possible outcome is that he feels the crisis and the need to return to a spiritual program, doesn't look back and propels himself full throttle into a spiritual program. you can't make him do that, but you have to becareful not to prevent the possibility that the relapse could be the kick in the @ss he needs to get moving along in his development more seriously. ill pray for him tonite.

goffredo

I would go to alanon to find peace and serenity. I am sorry this has happened but it doesn't mean it has to last long. He might get back onto the recovery track straight away. In the meanwhile, try to detach with love, look after yourself and remember that you're not responsible. Focus on not enabling and let him take responsibility for himself and experience the natural consequences of his actions. Do not isolate, talk to us, talk to friends and hand it over to his HP to show him the way. Love Jo