equus

I just had a phonecall from a dear friend, someone I've mentioned once or twice here - it's hard to put this as off topic because it isn't to me. So much of his wisdom has taken me through some of the hardest times. Because he has enough on his own plate and is almost a mind reader I didn't contact him when stuff was difficult and he can't ring here often.

But hearing him laughing and still the same warmed me so much, telling me about people he has met all with the same pleasure. I got chance to say a thank you to him for giving me things to remember like his 'That's life'. Around this time last year on boxing day he rang for me to find out if the Tsunami had hit his hometown, living in Italy he couldn't speak the language well enough to get the information from the news. I used a forum to find out for him that his family were safe. He lived in a house full of Sri Lankan immigrants and all of his friends lost family except for him - he lost many friends though. He misses home now, especially to see people after last year, he can't go home. So instead he takes photgraphs of Italy and learns to love it - he still laughs on the phone.

I apologised for not ringing and he reminded me I am his sister and that nothing matters more than that.

It's still a mystery to me how he can feel the pain of seperation and loss on a scale I can't concieve, so many of his friends died last christmas, he's missing his first grandchild growing up, his wife, his daughter and his son is becoming a man - he isn't unreal he feels sadness for that. BUT here's the mystery, HE IS NOT SAD, it passes in him and doesn't deminish his ability to find pleasure. I find this hard to grasp, not a lack of feeling, almost the opposite, he's not without pain but not ruled by it. He understands 'That's life', without the need to question, his questions are about how he should live and stop there.

Next year I hope he gets his papers so finally he can visit home. I think we will be friends for many years to come and hopefully one day I'll understand, he has endless patience to teach without ever thinking he has an answer. I can't grasp my good luck to have met him as a tour guide on a holiday.

So here's to you 'Laughing Buddha - not just for the belly and the smile but something else as your friends said.

And if anyone here has found something worthwhile in me saying strong words are when the heart and mouth speak the same language - then you owe him a little thanks too, that's his. If anyone here has ever got something from my trying so hard to see beauty no matter what, that was his too, and probably so much more.

So here's to you, Chinthaka - a beautiful, kindly grandfather who gets the giggles far too often. My big brother.

elizabeth1979

Thats beautiful Equus. Although we are not close, it makes me miss my brother and wish we were.

equus

I must admit, speaking to him made me miss him lots. It's a year since we went to meet with him in Italy.

His English is better face to face too, so it's not so easy on the phone. On the other hand as he says - it's SO good to hear a voice!