He's making me doubt myself
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Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: The burbs, Maryland
Posts: 130
He's making me doubt myself
I'm confused and need advice. I want to trust my gut in this but you know how alcoholics have a way of making you feel crazy.
As you may or may not know. Last year, when my bf was drinking and pretty much homeless, he stole and pawned ring from my sister. It was recovered and he is on probation. He pled guility but said it was only to spare us and that he found it outside the house.
Prior to that, when he was activly drinking, I'd have change missing from my change jar. He always had an excuse, maybe I spent it, maybe one of my guests took it etc.
He got sober, but has relapsed. Last weekend, I noticed $5 dollars missing from my change jar. I did have a bit too much to drink on that occassion so thought maybe I took it out and spent it.
So last night bf was over the house. He knew I had money in my wallet as we went to the bank together. When I was getting ready for bed I put a $5 dollar bill on my nightstand. He was up while I was sleeping on the couch. This morning we argue as I told him I really don't want this relationship to continue anymore. He left. After he was gone I noticed the $5 missing. I called him and went to meet him. He said he "found" a $5 in his wallet. Said he didn't know how it got there gave it to me. I go home, then notice my Christmas money and a $20 is missing from my wallet. Once again, I go find him. I search his pockets and wallet. Didn't find the Xmas money but did see a crumbled $20 in a wallet compartment. He said that $20 was his emergency money. Prior to Friday he said he was broke. His boss gave him $40 on Friday. That money was accounted for in his wallet.
He now says the $5 he took from my dresser was a mistake, he was cleaning out his pockets and must have thought it was his money when he put it back. As for the $20 he insists it was his. That it was his taxi money he hides in his wallet. Yet, up until Friday, he was so broke he was complaining about change he spent on the pay phones and how he only had money to get a cheap slice of pizza. The Xmas money? - who knows if he took it or I lost it running errands yesterday. if he has it, he hid it on him good.
What to think? He wasn't drinking yesterday, but considering his past, that I was ending it with him, we argued all weekend, that he has lied so many times (drinking) and stole before. Could it be legit ( but my instincts tell me no) or is once again, he is making me doubt myself and think I'm nuts.
As you may or may not know. Last year, when my bf was drinking and pretty much homeless, he stole and pawned ring from my sister. It was recovered and he is on probation. He pled guility but said it was only to spare us and that he found it outside the house.
Prior to that, when he was activly drinking, I'd have change missing from my change jar. He always had an excuse, maybe I spent it, maybe one of my guests took it etc.
He got sober, but has relapsed. Last weekend, I noticed $5 dollars missing from my change jar. I did have a bit too much to drink on that occassion so thought maybe I took it out and spent it.
So last night bf was over the house. He knew I had money in my wallet as we went to the bank together. When I was getting ready for bed I put a $5 dollar bill on my nightstand. He was up while I was sleeping on the couch. This morning we argue as I told him I really don't want this relationship to continue anymore. He left. After he was gone I noticed the $5 missing. I called him and went to meet him. He said he "found" a $5 in his wallet. Said he didn't know how it got there gave it to me. I go home, then notice my Christmas money and a $20 is missing from my wallet. Once again, I go find him. I search his pockets and wallet. Didn't find the Xmas money but did see a crumbled $20 in a wallet compartment. He said that $20 was his emergency money. Prior to Friday he said he was broke. His boss gave him $40 on Friday. That money was accounted for in his wallet.
He now says the $5 he took from my dresser was a mistake, he was cleaning out his pockets and must have thought it was his money when he put it back. As for the $20 he insists it was his. That it was his taxi money he hides in his wallet. Yet, up until Friday, he was so broke he was complaining about change he spent on the pay phones and how he only had money to get a cheap slice of pizza. The Xmas money? - who knows if he took it or I lost it running errands yesterday. if he has it, he hid it on him good.
What to think? He wasn't drinking yesterday, but considering his past, that I was ending it with him, we argued all weekend, that he has lied so many times (drinking) and stole before. Could it be legit ( but my instincts tell me no) or is once again, he is making me doubt myself and think I'm nuts.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
Brd, don't doubt yourself.
He planted the seeds of dishonesty.
They grow a nasty garden.
You have every reason to distrust him and none to trust him.
Trust is earned and it doesn't sound like he's earned his back yet.
The damage done by dishonesty between two people is deep.
It takes some time and honest living to heal.
He planted the seeds of dishonesty.
They grow a nasty garden.
You have every reason to distrust him and none to trust him.
Trust is earned and it doesn't sound like he's earned his back yet.
The damage done by dishonesty between two people is deep.
It takes some time and honest living to heal.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
Originally Posted by minnie
It's when I DON'T listen to my gut that I get into trouble, not when I do.
Sometimes my gut has to yell a lot though.
Cause I can be real...
when it's trying to point out the obvious.
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Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Canada
Posts: 727
Although he may not have been drinking at the time,he is still with an alcoholic mind,hes not clear,and will continue with this mind,until he gets some form of recovery.
Trust what you know regardless of what is said.God gave me, instincts for a reason.To protect me,inform me,and to keep me safe.Ya know, what ya know ,what ya know ,and cant explain how you know,to others,just that you do know....My hub has lied right to my face.Thing is that he trully believed in what he was telling me.Of course he did.For at that time,he was so confused,he didnt know what truth was at that time.I guess thats what they call,insane.However anyone can shoot da bull,thats not the problem,its whether i fall for all da bull,and get hurt by it.No one can confuse me,hurt me,without my own permission.
Trust what you know.
Trust what you know regardless of what is said.God gave me, instincts for a reason.To protect me,inform me,and to keep me safe.Ya know, what ya know ,what ya know ,and cant explain how you know,to others,just that you do know....My hub has lied right to my face.Thing is that he trully believed in what he was telling me.Of course he did.For at that time,he was so confused,he didnt know what truth was at that time.I guess thats what they call,insane.However anyone can shoot da bull,thats not the problem,its whether i fall for all da bull,and get hurt by it.No one can confuse me,hurt me,without my own permission.
Trust what you know.
Last edited by Cap3; 12-05-2005 at 06:51 AM. Reason: adding to
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