minnie

So R has decided to defend my claim against him. Which means going to court at the other end of the country. I will know in 14 days whether this is definitely going to happen or not.

This is the insanity in full flow - I have it in writing from him that he admits the debt and that we have agreement for repayment. What on earth can he hope to gain from defending? (well, I know the answer to that and it has nothing to do with the money and everything to do with manipulation, abuse and keeping a connection going)

Think twice about lending your partners any money - this is really not easy to deal with.

Thanks for listening.

Gabe

Well that sucks.
I don't suppose there is anything you can do to circumvent this farce.
I don't get why the courts will hear a defense when he's already admitted guilt.
Apparently your legal system over there is as circus-like as ours.

Jazzman

It was my experience that for some reason, it becomes personal when you hold them accountable for their actions. Like they have something to prove...
Prove WHAT to WHO!?!? They KNOW they screwed up!
I makes no sense at all.
My story fizzled in the 11th hour w/ no dramatic face off in court. Would not be surprised if yours does too.

minnie

I am hoping that I can get a summary judgement by submitting evidence in advance. It's just such a pain for it to be dragging on so long.

And Jazz, yes it is getting personal. And I have to perfect the balancing act of remaining totally professional, not getting caught up in the drama, but still exposing him for low life piece of $hit that he is. I'm not sure that he is trying to prove anything as such, but trying to avoid being outed. He doesn't like cracks in his reality.

Gabe

I think you mean "perceived reality".
Do they ever?

minnie

Yeah, sorry. I think I actually meant "reality peeking in the cracks of his fantasy".

What amazes me is the lengths he will go to defend his perceptions. This time last year he was spouting all sorts of recovery nonsense (oops, I mean wisdom.) Now he is so far back in, last year seems like 20 years ago.

Dan

If I was him, I'd leave town. Pronto.

Beautiful

You're right. You're right. You're right.

Did I say You're right?

So suckith the downslide towards Christmas.

cwohio

aww minnie - he's hanging on by the fingernails isn't he! i hope it doesn't go the full length and you are out of the grot soon!

Minx1969

wow..the depths of his insanity..

Sorry you are continuing to have to deal with this #$%!

Let's hope justice will be served..

FriendofBill

Minnie,,,,,

You know, your not really paying legal fees to get your money back,,what your really doing is getting your dignity and self respect back. You are standing for yourself and telling your lil inner child that you ARE worth the repayment, you ARE worth the acknowledgment of being repayed and you ARE not going to let someone run over you with lies and rubbish.

Now, THAT is courageous and worth every bit of $$$ and long distance travelling.

I know,,I did it earlier this year myself.

Worth every penney, er, pence in your case.

You go girl!

pmaslan

I know R owes you lots and lots of money...
and I know you feel like you have paid for his new romance as a result...
I hope that things do work out for you without having to travel so far
just to get back what is rightfully yours....
John owes me thousands of dollars...
I will never see it again.
I have learned an expensive lesson...
Everyone listen.....don't lend your partners any money!!!
It's too hard to get it back and sometimes the price
is much too high in the long run.....

equus

I'm sorry you're having to go through this Minnie. As much as me and my Mum don't get on I remember well a piece of advice from her that I agree with;

'Don't lend more than you can afford to lose.'

Do you think some of this could be due to him backing himself into a corner with his current girly? If he had told her the money wasn't owed she would expect him to fight it.

minnie

Thanks everyone.

Yes, this is about standing up for my principles in part. And another part of it is like this - once upon a time I thought I was different from all the rest i.e. that I could be the one to "save" him. Now I know different, but I am STILL going to be different from all the rest, because I am not going to let him "get away" with it. I have thought long and hard about the toll it is taking on me emotionally and there is still plenty of gas in the tank. I may not have much extra to be very active on here, but I will be a stronger person for regaining what is rightfully mine. I have to have checks and balances in place to ensure that it is not about revenge, but simply about justice and my own dignity.

You are all a great support to me in that fight.

equus - I am certain his new relationship has a lot to do with it. E.G. They were planning to buy a house at one point - renting out his existing one to pay the mortgage. Problem is - he doesn't own it, but led her to believe that he did.

TexasGirl

Hey Minnie,
You know, even non-As feel like they have to try every last resort, every defense they can come up with, sensible or non-sensible. I usually watch People's Court during my lunch hour (it's so silly), and even when people have promissory notes or whatever, they still show up to fight. I think it's just a gut reaction. Sorry you have to go through that, but in time, you will be on the other side.

Gabe

I never doubted that for a minute.

CodeMaster

Lending money is always a risky thing, there is a saying I heard once.

"Only lend out things you dont want back."

I almost paid off my ex's student debt of 25k and was going to make it so she could pay me back with zero interest because I began to think of a long term relationship with her (possibly marriage) but I am glad I did not pay it off though I did pay off a smaller debt which she tried not to pay me back at the time she broke it off with me. Some angry words did the trick sadly to say which I'm sure too many experience like yourself Minnie.

Court is always so frustrating, I've seen it a few times in my short life already fortunately all to my favor (well except running from cops time) and it seems court is more and more a normal part of adulthood. Hang in there, persevere and you will prevail!

minnie

I have to just point out that it's not like I just handed him thousands of pounds. We were engaged and he was having some "cash-flow" problems (totally hiding the extent of his financial nightmare.) In my naivety, I stumped up his part of the rent, paid for his son's flights, got his car serviced and stuff like that. In other words, total enabling. All this stopped a long time ago, but it's amazing how it all adds up. We had 2 agreements to repay and he reneged on both of them.

In my previous relationship, it was a case of swings and roundabouts where we would each help out the other when one was a bit short. My blinkers were on with this one.

Minx1969

Minnie,

You did what any of us would have done in a relationship which you thought was going somewhere..

A few ex's ago (he was also an A), I supported him for 6 months when he moved back from overseas and looked for a job..while I watched him by himself (on credit a $2500 Martin guitar)..I got my $ back from him though before we broke up..

DesertEyes

Hey there minnie,

We're all cheering for you over here. I'm not completely rid of my ex yet, legally or emotionally, so I can appreciate some of the frustration. I'm glad you can come here and vent, it's always charming to hear cuss words in a foreign accent

Mike :-)