somebodysfool

I've reached the "I miss him" phase. Ridiculous, yes and no. My head and heart are in two different places again. After 20 years with the same man it makes sense to miss him. After all he's done it doesn't make sense to care. The prospect of the LOOONNGG road to recovery we each have to face and the idea that relapse is ...well I gues I haven't identified my feelings (fear, doubt?). Recovery is exciting and hopeful but it seems there is a grey cloud following at all times. There were so many events that took place this week(son's first varsity wrestling meet, Thanksgiving, son's birthday) my husband would never miss this stuff and it is hard to be there and answer "Where's Ron?" My mother in-law says just tell them you split up for a while and then in another sentence she is telling me how she's telling the family we split up and I haven't talked to him we haven't said we split up or did we? I guess we did. And now I am not liking it. But I know it is what's best for us both. I want him to know I want him to get well. I want to get well. I want our children to be healthy. Ultimately I know this stuff. Maybe I just want to feel sorry for myself, Maybe I'm afraid we'll never be couple again, maybe I am still waiting on a miracle, maybe...I need to get to the counselor and be a staple at Al-anon.
Thanks for listening.

J

JT

Your life is going to be in limbo for a little while but that is ok. That gives you some time to process all that has happened. I wouldn't be making any big decisions right now. I always recommend getting your own head cleared before jumping head first into anything life altering. AA says a year for a reason.

Oh and of course you are going to miss him. You know the man and have good memories as well as bad. You have your kids who you don't want to be hurt tugging at your heart. The best thing you can do for all of you...hubby included...is get yourself whole. Only then can you make proper choices.

BlueMoon

*****hugs*****

I'm learning (and it HURTS) that sometimes "knowing" and "FEELING" are 2 different things. I think maybe our feelings just need a bit of time to 'catch up with' our knowledge -- i dunno.

For me, alot of things/feelings are simply out of habit. I try to remind myself that I have a choice in how I feel - sometimes it doesn't feel that way tho.

I left my 12yr marriage 18 months ago. I'm dating - (ok, I have a boyfriend!) - I'm happier than I've been in a long time - but there are still times when I MISS my AH!! I think it's pretty natural to mourn a relationship - I think it's part of letting go, of healing. (It's the icky part, imo!)

I try to let myself FEEL it instead of stuffing it back inside. Feeling it HURTS but *stuffing* it will kill me. When I start missing AH, I make myself play that tape all the way thru and look at all the pain that was there along with the good stuff that I think I'm missing. I do let myself miss the *good*, I just try not to let myself obsess and remember only half of the story.

It's taken time and effort, and I know it'll take MORE - but my head and my heart are finally beginning to speak to each other. They don't necessarily AGREE with each other - but they (*I*) am beginning to see it's possible to get the 2 together.

Be gentle with yourself! This time of year can be really hard.

Blessings,
Blue