chattanooga

do they never get enough. she called me early sunday morning and had taken a cab home saturday nite from the nite club. she needed a ride to go pick up her car. of course i helped her out. we are an inch from divorce and alcohol still rules. when i talk to her all our problems slant towards me. she does't still realize she is no good for anyone decent in her state of mind right now. saw her car there at 115am so that means my 12 yr old stepdaughter is alone. i am slowly becoming emotionally detached seeing her hopeless state........what ever happens to these people.....someone please tell me....

Gabe

What happens to them?
Well, in my experience they keep right on chasing the insanity until they've had enough.
It's painful and maddening to watch from the sidelines.
The only thing you can do right now is take care of you.
Have you thought about attending Alanon meetings?
That is a great way to meet people who are going through similar things.
They will share their experience, strength and hope and remind you that you are not alone in dealing with this.
I'm sorry about your step-daughter.
In my opinion, this disease takes it's heaviest toll on the kids.

FriendofBill

When you "help" her out, thats called enabling.
Enabling only serves to prolong thier unacceptable behavior.

Next time,,,let her walk. She might not like it and might come to the realization drinking aint working for her anymore.

ASpouse

Absolutely FOB and why in the world were you out at 1:15am to see where she was?

somebodysfool

Chatanooga

Sometimes I read the responses to posts and think "ouch." But the more I experience life with an A in any capacity living with or right now apart I know the people here really know their stuff. I thought yeah, maybe but my situation or H is different he is a good guy down deep and he is broken and that's why I need to help him. I'm just showing him I love him and I want him to know I care and understand. I continued to get hurt. I continued to be sad, angry and whatever else with just fleeting moments of joy or a connection a glimpse of the human way down deep. It's hard to let go. I struggle. But we need to let go. Fully. So they can figure it out. Some of them never do. Some of them find someone else to step in when we save our own lives. Some of them figure it out. We don't know which one is which. But we need to love them without helping them if they are not helping themselves.

J

EndOfRoadWife

chattanooga- It's an emotional roller coaster and can be maddening to deal with..We can't "fix them, change them, control them, etc..Letting go is the best thing..Save yourself!!!! They have to sink or swim.. Take care!!!!! We all know exactly what you are dealing with...I have to try and save myself from the insanity!!!

BlueMoon

chattanooga ~
I whole-heartedly agree with Gabe: and as far as "Do they ever get enough?" - - - No. "Enough" doesn't exist in the world of addictions.

ALL you can do is take care of YOU.

Blessings
Blue

CodeMaster

Some drink till they die
Some die trying
Some make it

No one can help an alcoholic but themself as nobody can help you but yourself as well. Protect yourself, as she is already on her own despite how much influence you think you or anyone in this world may have on her. Its between Destiny and her now.

Hang in there...

CatsTail

There really isn't much I can add to what everyone has said.

I feel sad for your step-daughter.

You can't do anything for your A. They either sink or swim.

Ngaire

chattanooga

they create kaos for anyone involved. They can't be reached on their cell phones because they lose them in a bar. They come home the day after and sleep all evening. They don't cook or clean or help kids with homework. They are angry at everyone when they are not drinking. They need you to go take them to pick up their car the morning after. Because they are good looking they get attention at clubs from unsuspecting or caring people. People only who would want to use them for sex. But this attention brings them back nite after nite. I sat at a table a couple of months ago with husband just like me. We were both so fed up we were going to give up our families to escape this madness. This is MADNESS

ASpouse

They only create chaos in everyone's life is everyone allows them too! Do you understand this?

Good looks only last so long ....... let her find her own way or sink or swim as ngaire so aptly put it!

DesertEyes

Hey there chatt,

Been there, done that, with my wife

I dunno how it works for you, but the way it works for me is that _I_ had to learn when _I_ had enough. As long as I keep my mind occupied with my wife and where her life was heading I find that my own life winds up heading the same way.

There's a problem with that question. If _I_ continue to do the things I was doing with my wife I was going to find out _exactly_ what happens to those people. I was going to find out because I was going to be right there with her. For _my_ own sanity and serenity, as well as for my kids, I do _not_ want to find out what happens to those people. I want to find out what happens to _us_ people who work a program of recovery and get well.

Mike :-)

chattanooga

OK.....then you release yourself from the insanity and kaos and move on. Do you ever really escape or do you move on with someone else? Deserteyes did you move on? It's HARD.....you think they will change...

ASpouse

You detach yourself and move one with yourself, by yourself and for yourself. The "someone elses" come later. Yes it's hard, baby steps at the beginning, very small baby steps!

DesertEyes

Hey there chatt,

That's up to you. If you _want_ to then you can certainly move on. Everybody else does. You can also get involved in the same mess all over again with a different person, that's also your choice. The program of recovery gives you the "tools" with which to do whatever you want with your life.

Yup. I left my wife, am still in the middle of the divorce. I'm not involved with any crazies any more because I'm learning what _my_ part is in that kind of destructive relationship. I have lots of healthy friends now, of all genders.

I think I don't care if they change. It's _their_ life and they can do whatever they want with it. I choose to avoid those people and make friends with healthy ones instead. I think _I_ am changing and becoming healthier and saner. That's the only person who's changing I care about.

Mike :-)