somebodysfool

Everyone I know is sleeping except my Husband who is out at the bar. And I can't talk to him abotu him anyway. Last week I told him I think he should move out. He hasn't left yet. I felt in was inevitable. We had the conversation again Friday morning he was visibly upset, left for work crying. But then today he was starting to switch gears. In fairness I was not home early enough for us to be meet with a group of friends however he used my lateness as the excuse for not going we would have been 15 minutes late and the people we were meeting would have been ecstatic that we showed that the would not have cared we were late AT ALL. But he got to use it to be angry at me and whatever. The point to this rant is that we got to have the conversation about his leaving again. Stay or go. Just make a decision. Of course if you stay that means counseling, figuring out if you have a drinking problem, and church. He finally said he'd make arrangements to go. He finally gets that I am not kidding. He just doesn't understand why I feel this way. He seriously thinks I should be okay with a husband who goes out 6 nights aweek coming home between 2 and 6am, or brings the party back to our garage until 5am, is emotionally unavailable, hasn't paid me a compliment inat least 10 months, made a decision to pull away from his family over a year ago, cheated, won't communicate, won't let me know where he is unless I call him, lies anyway, is easliy angered and irritated, sleeps when he is home, hasn't done anything around the house, is mean to our youngest child, shall I go on? What was I thinking? He is so right. He's a keeper because he has a job and doesn't beat me. I don't mean anything offense by that I do know that it could be worse and he could be unemployeed and physically abusive but those are not things I would ever think I'd deal with so I don't feel I should be giving him a pat on the back for that. Then he tells me how easy him moving out is for me. He is clueless, he really doesn't see the problems, it only makes me feel crazier. I should be mad. I am mad. But it won't last. I feel like he is such a coward for not wanting to change. I know I can't make him, but I never realized how weak he is and right now I don't feel sorry for him because he is choosing to not fix his stuff and our stuff together. I was a coward a few months ago. Girls always mature faster then boys. Sorry boys. I hope the best for him, I hope he figures his stuff out.
God, hold him in the palm of your hand. Amen
Well, moving forward like a shark or else I'll die.
Thanks for listening, again.

J

lojomama

Don't forget to take a deep breath before you have that conversation, helps to clear the mind & ease the tension!!

lojomama

sbf-I'm still up, and I don't envy you your impending conversation. I also must have one w/my AH. I'm trying to hold out for after thanksgiving, but @ the rate he is going, I'm not sure I can. I feel our lives are at stake, if not my sanity. I know there are many out there that have hung in there for numerous years, and sometimes I feel like I must not be trying hard enough, otherwise why would I leave after only 5 years. But, we've been at it ever since our wedding night!!! I'm getting weary of the games & deceptions, and now w/my second set of kids being subjected to this insanity it's just not worth the trouble. I told my AH that he can no longer drive w/my kids in the vehicle if I'm not there to make sure he is sober. I told him that I have no power to get him well, but that I am going to get me well. I'm going to find an Al Anon group to attend & start moving forward. I'm sick of being stuck in the muck of this addiction. And I never realized that I was an enabler by bitching & pleading w/him, but now after reading some of the postings here, I see where I am.
>SBF... Hang in there, God's gonna help us both see this thru!
Anyway, calling it a night, have church in the AM. Goodnite & sleep well.

Jazzman

I'm here to tell you it does get better after you set and stick to your boundaries. I was sticking to mine last year right before the Holidays too. I know it sucks but there really is no good time to pull the trigger on this type of plan. Stay extra close to your friends and family for support right now. Post often!

cwohio

i heard similar words like that from my husband, you know, "you don't have it so bad. but as my counselor told me - he's abandoned YOU - emotionally. i always had this sick feeling that i would be abandoning him if we split up. i never got the chance to leave as he passed away. it's a tough, tough thing to get to the point where you say enough is enough if they don't want to find recovery. prayers to you both!

reader

I often heard this mindset from my mother. " He is a good guy, a good provider, he doesn't go to bars, good dad". Leaving just wasn't an option in my family. Irish women love to enable and men can be mens men. Go fiqure! Kerry

Cazza

Drinking and alcoholism are a way of life in Ireland. The women really don't see it as wrong, it is just what is done. It is somehow expected. My ex-A is Irish. So was the woman he had call me to make me jealous, drive me away, or whatever... It figures she would be the one waiting to help him carry on killing himself. Pathetic really.

In fact, there is a nursing home in Ireland that just opened a bar inside to attract more visitors!!! Wow, now I can visit grandma because I can have a pint too!

- - -
Anyway, there is more to being a "keeper" than not being abusive. That should be a GIVEN, as well as not being drunk all the time! A keeper is someone who does the right thing, and is also emotionally available. Someone who is not afraid of true intimacy and life's ups and downs. That is a keeper, or at least the basis for one.