harleygirl92156

Hubby told me last night he doesn't know if he can love me for the rest of his life. Told me he can't guarantee he won't fall in love with someone else in the future.....WTF?? Said he can't commit to me for life even though we are married. Said if another woman comes along and he falls in love with her he can't help that.
BUT, he did say he would NEVER cheat on me again and if he falls in love with someone else, he would tell me and leave me before he was intimate with her??? Well, that makes me feel better.....NOT!
Do I feel like I am just a convenience until the RIGHT woman comes along? YES!!!
Am I over reacting or should I feel as hurt as I do? I am HURT, VERY HURT!

jojo

How in the world did this subject even come up? Did he just announce out of the blue that he couldn't guarantee that he wouldn't fall in the love with someone else and leave you? If he did, what was his purpose?

Jo

CatsTail

Yes Harleygirl how did this come up. Was he firing out of the blue or were you guys having a conversation?

Ngaire

Jazzman

Oh man, that had to hurt! Ouch!
It's almost like he's greasing the skids...
I don't think you're over reacting at all.

ASpouse

I also have to ask the same question as ngaire and jojo, where the heck did this all come from? But to answer your thread question, no I don't think you are overreacting. Perhaps it is time for you to end the relationship and wish him the best in the future and get to Al Anon.

My gut feeling is he is pushing back or regressing back to his alcoholic behavior. AA does not teach this sort of behavior.

My husband is a very quiet sort. Doesn't have much to say and I am a great talker. I would say that we have great problems communicating, but we muddle through it. This past weekend he was so angry at me, for what I have no idea. No, he's not drinking.

Yesterday I came home from work and he bought me a beautiful bouquet of flowers. WTF I thought to myself so I asked him if they were "Farewell Flowers". He looked at me puzzled, which I hate. He and I think on such different levels. I still blame myself as the reason for his bad moods, silly I know. Anyway, he told me he was sorry for being angry and the flowers were his way of apologizing. Now I love to get flowers and I told him that a simple "verbal" apology would have been fine with a reason why he was mad in the first place and that he could buy me flowers anytime for "no" reason.

Men are so whacked, present company here excluded of course LOL.

I wish I could understand why men think the way they do, but perhaps Harley he was thinking out loud some random thoughts he was trying to process and trying to be honest enough to say them to you? It's very strange. Sorry for the rant guys!

CatsTail

Actually,

It sounds like a conversation I had with my ex............he told me if something better came along I'd better jump on it because he was going to if it happened.

That was one of the red flags I got that I should have left then and there but chose to ignore.

Ngaire

Gabe

Harley, I can't get into my opinion about what he said.
It would require words this board doesn't allow.
My question to you is this:
Now that you know how he feels, what are you going to do about it?

harleygirl92156

We were talking about trust and both of us having no feeling secure and save in our relationship. Well that really helped....not!

harleygirl92156

That is the feeling I definately had after the conversation as well.

dax

HG- I am of course going to be frank here. I feel that you husband is a jerk and he cares not for your feelings but at least he is honest. I would have a problem staying with a man like this. Now you are not only one drink away from disaster -you are one woman who he takes a shine from from disaster. THIS IS A HORRIBLE WAY TO LIVE.You have been so suppotative of his recovery and this is what you get. I feel bad for you that your family has stated that they will keep him in their lives if he leaves you for another woman. This is going to make breaking up even harder. I would certainly not grovel for this man. If you stay, I would start putting him and anything including HIS recovery way down on my list of priorties. Try to find a new consuming interest- that does not include him at all. He is not worth all the grief he is causing. You have a lot of family including grandchilren Try to concentrate on the family members that treat you with the love and respect you deserve. YOU ARE NOT OVERREACTING. hugs dax

Cap3

************{HG}}}}}}}}},
my prayers are with you.
God Bless

FriendofBill

You feel how ever you feel. You dont need to ask how your supposed to feel.

Have your feelings...and take a deep look into this relationship...

somebodysfool

I would feel the same way. So give yourself time to be upset and then mad and when you take a deep breath regain your clarity and get back to taking care of you. You know you are worth a whole lot more than he is willing to give. Don't forget that. HG

J

pmaslan

When is this man going to stop antagonizing (sp) you?
Honesty is one thing but OMG.
I always thought that a marriage was/is a commitment.....
Like Jazz alluded to, it almost seems like he is putting the wheels in motion for
another big bomb to drop on you.
I had to laugh (sorry) when he said he would end it with you before he became intimate with somneone else.
I think if you fall in love with someone (real love) not just lust, there are some emotional ties in place. In order for that to happen a bond and closeness is established between two people..... in my book this is cheating.
Oh harley girl, I wish you would put an end to all of this misery, is it really worth it?

dax

HG- Pmaslan is correct- if he gets close enough to a woman to want to sleep with her, he is already cheating. My gut is saying he alreday has someone in mind to say this. So sorry. dax

Jazzman

HG, you two have children together?
I forget....

harleygirl92156

No children together. There grown sons and 4 grandaughters. These are my sons from a previous marriage. He has no biological children but is very close to my sons and extremely close to our grandchildren. He is more like a father and grandfather to them than my x-husband.

dreamcatcher

Isn't just amazing how they can make us actually re-think the absurd. I have had time to reflect on the years of absurd I questioned myself on. Who cares how that conversation came up IT IS NOT APPROPRIATE TO SAY TO YOUR SPOUSE. IT IS HURTFUL. For years I excused the hurt, covered it up, just went on until it sucked me dry. My soon to be ex AH is getting out of prison Friday for DUI"S, He hasn't seen his children in a year they are 22, 21 and 19 all in college GREAT KIDS. They planned to be there for him when he got home (they live 3 1/2 hours away.) He sends a message to them saying "I have been around people 24/7 and I don't really want to be around anyone, so maybe I will see some other time." Now in the past I would have sugar coated it, rationalized, even questioned myself for thinking what a selfish bas$%# he is, not this time. What a ass. I am sure the first thing on his mind is to go out and get drunk and laid. So I guess I should just blame the alcohol. YIKES sorry this thread just struck a cord. By the way my kids are crushed AGAIN.

Jazzman

I can relate to a certain extent. A friend of mine told me that a while back my ex made the comment (while I was out of ear shot) that I was plan "B". My friend mentioned nothing of this until after my ex and I split, (thankfully). It would have only been confusing to me up until then. In retrospect I could guess who was plan "A". (long story but not relevant here)

So if you're not plan "A", (I'm guessing here) You OK w/ being plan "B"?
Or I could put it another way...
What are YOU getting out of this relationship?

Admittedly, my ex could never stay sober for more than a week so a couple working through the "in recovery" thing is a foreign concept for me. Is this just another bump, or a very clear signal!?!? Very fuzzy signal?!?!

minnie

HG - oh, hon. Double standards at work yet again. He won't be honest about his past affairs, but he can say what the hell he likes about anything else? Bet he justifies it with "working an honest programme".

Like Gabe, I can't say what I really think here, but that doesn't matter. It's what you think that does.