Working on peace
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Anywherebuthere,US
Posts: 14
Working on peace
Hello everyone - I am not sure why I chose today for my first post. I have actually been reading this board for over two years. This place has really helped me during some really rough times and for that I am grateful. Thank you.
My story is long and my journey has been painful. I guess that is my answer to why I am posting today. My pain.
I met and grew to love an alcoholic man. Several years and much water under the bridge, he is now planning to marry a girl he met in a sober living community who is in active addiction (crack). I'm not sure if his sobriety is still intact but last time I actually was "in the know" he had over 2 1/2 years in AA and NA.
I know he will be making the biggest mistake of an already ruined life. My codie self is wanting to rear it's ugly head. I am taking my life minute by minute these days and constantly reminding myself not to call, not to reach out and that I cannot save him or help him anymore. My heart is so heavy. I don't want to cry anymore.
My story is long and my journey has been painful. I guess that is my answer to why I am posting today. My pain.
I met and grew to love an alcoholic man. Several years and much water under the bridge, he is now planning to marry a girl he met in a sober living community who is in active addiction (crack). I'm not sure if his sobriety is still intact but last time I actually was "in the know" he had over 2 1/2 years in AA and NA.
I know he will be making the biggest mistake of an already ruined life. My codie self is wanting to rear it's ugly head. I am taking my life minute by minute these days and constantly reminding myself not to call, not to reach out and that I cannot save him or help him anymore. My heart is so heavy. I don't want to cry anymore.
Acting not reacting
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: My happy place
Posts: 1,788
Welcome!
Sounds like you know what you need to do....or NOT do.
I am sure it hurts horribly. I am startin to realize that if something is not meant by my higher power to be a part of life, it will excuse itself.
If I try to control situations and make them work out how I want them to, I am competing with my higher power. Things happen the way they are supposed to sometimes.
I hope you find strength and supprt here
Sounds like you know what you need to do....or NOT do.
I am sure it hurts horribly. I am startin to realize that if something is not meant by my higher power to be a part of life, it will excuse itself.
If I try to control situations and make them work out how I want them to, I am competing with my higher power. Things happen the way they are supposed to sometimes.
I hope you find strength and supprt here
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Anywherebuthere,US
Posts: 14
Thanks for the welcome and responses.
Elizabeth - I totally agree with you. I am working on accepting God's will instead of mine. I know that I am short sighted and my understanding is tiny compared to His. I am also trying to remind myself that having my A out of my life is a blessing and I shouldn't try to reject a blessing.
Ah...and control...my own DOC. I have issues too.... lol
Well, the weekend is almost here and that is a tough time. Too much time to think and over analyze. Must.stay.busy.
Thanks again. This place truly is a comfort.
Nony
Elizabeth - I totally agree with you. I am working on accepting God's will instead of mine. I know that I am short sighted and my understanding is tiny compared to His. I am also trying to remind myself that having my A out of my life is a blessing and I shouldn't try to reject a blessing.
Ah...and control...my own DOC. I have issues too.... lol
Well, the weekend is almost here and that is a tough time. Too much time to think and over analyze. Must.stay.busy.
Thanks again. This place truly is a comfort.
Nony
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
Welcome to SR... we are glad you decided to post and join the family.
I know all too well exactally how you feel... letting go and letting god is my greatest weakness... and trust me he has made sure Im learning the lesson, when I dont listen... I guarentee I will learn it over and over and over....
You know what you need to do, and yes not do... I would suggest you look into Al-anon or another support group for yourself. You may think that what your ex is doing is the worse mistake of his life, but you always have to remember its his life, and it may be a mistake but if it is ... then he has not learned his lesson either and god loves them as much as he loves us... trust that God is working his plan on the ex too.
I know all too well exactally how you feel... letting go and letting god is my greatest weakness... and trust me he has made sure Im learning the lesson, when I dont listen... I guarentee I will learn it over and over and over....
You know what you need to do, and yes not do... I would suggest you look into Al-anon or another support group for yourself. You may think that what your ex is doing is the worse mistake of his life, but you always have to remember its his life, and it may be a mistake but if it is ... then he has not learned his lesson either and god loves them as much as he loves us... trust that God is working his plan on the ex too.
Queen of one liners
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: walking beside you! Not in front of you.
Posts: 658
Nony, Welcome and I am glad you posted.
Have you tried Al-Anon meetings? I know without my meetings, the literature. my sponsor I would not even know what serenity is, let alone what my Higher Power wants me to do or be.
Yep, sometimes keeping busy is the best medience for me when I am hurting. Only when I get tired of being busy can I quiet myself enough to live just one day at a time.
Remember you are only alone if you choose to be.
Love and prayers from one who cares.
Have you tried Al-Anon meetings? I know without my meetings, the literature. my sponsor I would not even know what serenity is, let alone what my Higher Power wants me to do or be.
Yep, sometimes keeping busy is the best medience for me when I am hurting. Only when I get tired of being busy can I quiet myself enough to live just one day at a time.
Remember you are only alone if you choose to be.
Love and prayers from one who cares.
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Originally Posted by Nony
I know he will be making the biggest mistake of an already ruined life.
Hugs and welcome!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Anywherebuthere,US
Posts: 14
Thanks for the welcome and responses. I appreciate them.
I have thought of going to al-anon meetings but in my small town, there is only one. Due to my profession, I would likely see people at the meetings that I know. I prefer my privacy in such a personal matter and also want to allow others to benefit from a therapeutic environment. In other words, my presence may make others unable to open up or feel comfortable. My next option is to look into meetings in adjacent towns but my schedule doesn't permit me much flexibility being a single mom. I will keep reassessing my options until I find a situation that can work for me.
JT - I was actually admitting to short sighted as compared to my HP not in my life in general. I tend to try to keep my mind as open and understanding as possible. Anyway - maybe a poor choice of words on my part or an inappropriate description but it is my opinion, none the less.
Thanks again, everyone.
Nony
I have thought of going to al-anon meetings but in my small town, there is only one. Due to my profession, I would likely see people at the meetings that I know. I prefer my privacy in such a personal matter and also want to allow others to benefit from a therapeutic environment. In other words, my presence may make others unable to open up or feel comfortable. My next option is to look into meetings in adjacent towns but my schedule doesn't permit me much flexibility being a single mom. I will keep reassessing my options until I find a situation that can work for me.
JT - I was actually admitting to short sighted as compared to my HP not in my life in general. I tend to try to keep my mind as open and understanding as possible. Anyway - maybe a poor choice of words on my part or an inappropriate description but it is my opinion, none the less.
Thanks again, everyone.
Nony
How Important Is It?
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Cyberia
Posts: 612
Originally Posted by Nony
I met and grew to love an alcoholic man. Several years and much water under the bridge, he is now planning to marry a girl he met in a sober living community who is in active addiction (crack). I'm not sure if his sobriety is still intact but last time I actually was "in the know" he had over 2 1/2 years in AA and NA.
This wonderful online community is fantastic also. In addition to this, I see an addictions counsellor once a month to work on my codependency issues. All of these help me to deal with the pain and get on with my life.
Love
Robin
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