equus

A penny dropped with a problem that's been bugging me for a while. I got lots from reading a book by the Dalai Lama - most of all the need for compassion to overcome negative feelings like anger. I believe he argued his case brilliantly and it left me feeling sure that negative emotions like anger cause us more hinderence to happiness than help.

But there was another part to what he argues - that we should look for the causes of our own unease and seek to avoid them. This was where I found my problem.

I'm aware that when I 'face' something in myself I feel unease, I feel uncomforatable, and it doesn't bring me peace. My biggy is jealousy because it confuses me how I can want for someone elses happiness and at the same time feel a resentment when my oppertunities seem less than theirs. I have always felt my unease, and disquiet are simply the price of facing something, a price I felt was worth while until I heard it logically argued these feelings are negative.

That was my problem - I believe in facing my own issues; facing my own issues causes me a tempory lack of peace - but none the less a lack of peace and that is negative.

A penny dropped. I believe compassion and positive emotions are what's needed to combat negative emotions - but until now I have mostly viewed this outwardly, in how I percieve and think of others. BUT if this is correct the same should apply to myself. More than that, if the result of negative emotion is to change our actions to negative actions, it would actually be harmful and damaging to allow those emotions to go unchallenged just because I aim them at myself.

So the trick would be to face my jealousy (amongst other stuff) with compassion for myself, with a belief in my humanity and it's inherent worth, with an understanding that the existance of jealousy in me does not make me worth less as a human being.

Now if I can achieve that (I'll work on it) perhaps facing these issues in myself will no longer cause unease or even a tempory lack of peace, perhaps it won't dent my confidence so much to look them square in the eye and know they exist.

I'm going to try and practice showing myself compassion, I'm going to try to see it in the same value, an inherent and life changing value - wherever it's pointed.

JT

Jeolousy is an ugly emotion. I know because I am guilty of it as well. Although less and less. For me it is gratitude for all that I have and learning that I can't judge other people's insides by looking at their outsides. We all put our best face forward, myself included. I can't know what keeps another person up at night.

Hugs!

bahookie

Having compassion for myself is one of the most difficult things there is. It's so easy to beat myself with a big stick every time I think of something I should have done differently, or not done at all.
I'm slowly learning that keeping that big stick behind the couch doesn't address any of the stuff that's causing the problem.

You know, I can't say I get jealous a lot. Sometimes I get jealous when I see people having apparently calm, chilled out, fun-filled lives.
Everyone's life has bad bits in it though, maybe they are just good at hiding it.

J
xxx

equus

I think I faced my jealousy some time after realising I used the word 'fair' to constantly justify it! For some reason as long as I could see something REALLY wasn't 'fair' it seemed to give me free reign to hold resentment. I realised my brain is far too small to figure what the hell is and isn't fair in multiple and complex lives - even if I did, no amount of resentment would make the world a fairer place so it was pretty pointless.

Without 'what's fair' to cloud the issue I became more aware of jealousy - I realised '...but it's not fair' was just a justification for something that never did me or anyone else any good.

bahookie

aha so you concentrate on the task at hand rather than your perceived injustice?

sorry, that took me a while....

J

equus

More that I realised I wasn't skilled enough to judge justice, especially with other individuals. Once I realised that I didn't have the excuse I used before to habour resentment because someone has something I think is good in their life that I don't have in mine. I thought then the feelings would go away, they didn't which was when I realised it had been old fashioned jealousy all along. If I have to get up while someone else can sleep - if that resentment doesn't come from 'not fair' all that's left is jealousy.

My main point was though, that while I face that in myself to treat myself with as much compassion as I can, because I think compassion helps combat anger and resentment; and this is something that has previously made me angry at myself and resnetful of others.

Does that make more sense now?