sadface

Hello everyone, I will try to make this simple and short. My AH came over yesterday. I had not seen him for about 5 days. I got very upset with him last weekend, and refused his calls. He called my 14 year son the next day after my scene, and promised him he was quitting for good. So my AH calls my son every night and tells him AH has complete one more day of not driniking. When he came over yesterday, he was quite. We didn't talk because I didn't know what to say. I am tired of trying to get through to him and it doesn' t work. Finally, I asked him if he was so unhappy with me that I was the cause of his drinking. He stated, NO, there a lot of other things he has done that haunts him (his past). I asked, like what. He didn't want to talk but he did say, his mom, dad, childhood, and everything. I kind of suspected that was what bothered him. I realize I can not help him (except support), but what can I suggest for him to do to help himself. Or is this part of recovery? I told him he needs to face his demons and let go of it. And he stated it wasn't easy. I said, if he needed help he should reach out for it. Any suggestions.

Cap3

I was as sick as my secrets,that i held deep,down inside.These secrets seemed to affect all of my life.Even though i wouldnt be thinking about them,mentally,all the time.But they were their in my spirit.In all that i said and did,at the time.It wasnt until i did steps4-9 in AA/Al-anon,that i became free from all that stuff.My past is a tool i use today,to help out others.Its no longer the hammer that i used,over my own head,that kept pulling me backwards,beating myself up,into a past that i cannot change.My past is a useful tool.And its over...What others have said/done to me,is also over,and cannot be changed.Forgiveness for all of them,sets me free.Knowing in my hearts of heart,that they to, do their best given the moment,,just like i do.I didnt do better,until i learned better.Them to.
I have choices.I can stay in the past,or let go and move forward in changing who, i,once,was..How i was able to do this,is through the Grace of God,and recovery programs.One Day At A Time...
You say that you told him he needs to face his demons and let it go.His response,was,it wasnt easy.If he be alcoholic,his very life as he is living it,now,is more harder than needs to be.He will see and understand this,when he,s had enough,and wants for change..Until then,nothing you say/do will "make" him want to get help.His desire comes inside,of himself.We cannot do for others what they need to do for themselves.
Do you go to Al-anon?Its a great recovery program,for the family/friends of alcoholics,for our own recovery.
Prayers for you and hub,
God Bless,take care!!!!!!!!

Cynay

Have to agree with Cap here.

The only suggestion I could possibly make it to get help for yourself ... work your recovery and become the happiest, loving and strong person you can be... Dont expect your AH to change, stop drinking etc, he may see a choice for another life through you... but dont expect that. He has to want it for himself.

I feel bad for him and all the other A's out there that feel like they have to live with demons... They choose to do that, they dont have to, and neither do we.