Praising someone because they fill THEIR obligation
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Chaos City
Posts: 605
Praising someone because they fill THEIR obligation
I was feeling sorry for myself lastnight, I was overwhelmed at work and had a very hard day. I usually never bring my work home with me, but oh boy.
I didnt have much time to think when I got home yesterday and my H and oldest daughter were napping when I came home. My son was playing video games. I was irritated that everyone was relaxing and doing what they wanted, dont they know that I had a miserable day. My youngest daughter was upstairs with her dad half sleeping. I kept calling her name up the stairs so she wouldnt fall asleep as I was making mac and cheese for dinner (anything was better than nothing) before I left.
I am not surprised that my H was sleeping when I got home, I am not surprised he broke a promise to my daughter, because he promised her, he would take her, he promised her and me. I stuck to my boundaries though, my boundary is for me, I will not wake my H up to meet his obligations, I am sure he will beat himself up later, but I dont want to hear the cussing, yelling and everything else that comes along with waking him up. I could never hurt my daughter and not take her on her first night so the only night I could possibly relax all week was stolen from me. (Is this enabling?) if so, how do you not enable with this situation??
Another boundary I am going to have to set in place for me.
Limit my childrens activities for a single parent to handle, do not expect my H to participate in anway, and if he does participate ever, count that as a blessing???? (truthfully, I have a hard time with this). Jump up and down and be excited, that he is going to particpate. I wouldnt have any floors in my house if every one shown excitement for how much I do particpate.
Acceptance right? I am fighting acceptance all the way, but am recognizing that I need to accept.
Can I tell you what I wanted to do to him, I wanted to fill up a pitcher full of ice water, lots of ice and dump it on his head. I did what I had to do to take care of our daughter, but in the foul mood I was already in, I wanted to make him pay for it the rest of the night. I wanted to yell and fight and scream, because I have had it.
I didnt have much time to think when I got home yesterday and my H and oldest daughter were napping when I came home. My son was playing video games. I was irritated that everyone was relaxing and doing what they wanted, dont they know that I had a miserable day. My youngest daughter was upstairs with her dad half sleeping. I kept calling her name up the stairs so she wouldnt fall asleep as I was making mac and cheese for dinner (anything was better than nothing) before I left.
I am not surprised that my H was sleeping when I got home, I am not surprised he broke a promise to my daughter, because he promised her, he would take her, he promised her and me. I stuck to my boundaries though, my boundary is for me, I will not wake my H up to meet his obligations, I am sure he will beat himself up later, but I dont want to hear the cussing, yelling and everything else that comes along with waking him up. I could never hurt my daughter and not take her on her first night so the only night I could possibly relax all week was stolen from me. (Is this enabling?) if so, how do you not enable with this situation??
Another boundary I am going to have to set in place for me.
Limit my childrens activities for a single parent to handle, do not expect my H to participate in anway, and if he does participate ever, count that as a blessing???? (truthfully, I have a hard time with this). Jump up and down and be excited, that he is going to particpate. I wouldnt have any floors in my house if every one shown excitement for how much I do particpate.
Acceptance right? I am fighting acceptance all the way, but am recognizing that I need to accept.
Can I tell you what I wanted to do to him, I wanted to fill up a pitcher full of ice water, lots of ice and dump it on his head. I did what I had to do to take care of our daughter, but in the foul mood I was already in, I wanted to make him pay for it the rest of the night. I wanted to yell and fight and scream, because I have had it.
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Chaos City
Posts: 605
I do want to tell you that I was good, I didnt say one thing to him, I kept my evil thoughts and moods to myself.
My H woke up in the middle of practice, saying oh *****, showed up for the last fifteen minutes of practice, and made his appearance. When we got home he headed to the neighbors to drink away the rest of the evening. I even listened to him when he put his head in my lap and was telling me his woes of sorrow for that day. (after he came home from the neighbors drinking I dont know how many). I was trying to be understanding, I was trying not to think negative, I was trying not to hold resentment, as I put my hand on his back, to pat his back, I was rolling my eyes (he couldnt see), saying to myself, not this again, and wondering how long he was going to carry this on.
My H woke up in the middle of practice, saying oh *****, showed up for the last fifteen minutes of practice, and made his appearance. When we got home he headed to the neighbors to drink away the rest of the evening. I even listened to him when he put his head in my lap and was telling me his woes of sorrow for that day. (after he came home from the neighbors drinking I dont know how many). I was trying to be understanding, I was trying not to think negative, I was trying not to hold resentment, as I put my hand on his back, to pat his back, I was rolling my eyes (he couldnt see), saying to myself, not this again, and wondering how long he was going to carry this on.
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Chaos City
Posts: 605
Sometimes I think I am a cold hearted B***ch, ya know, I also have guilt because of my thoughts. I didnt act on my thoughts, but they were there, and the were uncaring, and unthoughtful.
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
A cold hearted bitch would have stood up and let him land on the floor when he tried to put his head in their lap. I don't know where this CHB stuff is coming from but it is not true and I hope you will get rid of that programing.
Acting not reacting
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: My happy place
Posts: 1,788
Emily,
I know how you feel. Just want you to know, I understand the frustration. I work all day when I am sick even and he lies in bed watches TV and 'misses' interviews bc he "overslept' and it was my fault that I didnt call to wake him up.
Yeah, whatever. My boundaries are about to get revised.
Vent all you need, I feel for you
Good idea on only scheduling activities for the kids that YOU can handle. That may aleviate some of the pressure you feel to be 2 people.
I know how you feel. Just want you to know, I understand the frustration. I work all day when I am sick even and he lies in bed watches TV and 'misses' interviews bc he "overslept' and it was my fault that I didnt call to wake him up.
Yeah, whatever. My boundaries are about to get revised.
Vent all you need, I feel for you
Good idea on only scheduling activities for the kids that YOU can handle. That may aleviate some of the pressure you feel to be 2 people.
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