prodigal

I don't post as much as I used to because I've learned to have little, if any, expectations from my AH. Learned in Al-Anon that my expectations that aren't met are bound to get nobody else but ME upset.

However, I did have the expectation yesterday that my AH would remember our wedding anniversary. After all, he remembered it two years ago when he was in a remote area of Pakistan building an airstrip. If he'd forgotten then, I could have forgiven it because it's easy to lose track of days under those circumstances.

So after I bought him a card and did my best to recreate the top layer of our wedding cake yesterday (he wasn't stateside our first anniversary to eat the top of the cake) I had the expectation he would remember our wedding anniversary. He went to work and came home stone cold sober. I finally figured something was wrong when he just decided to cook up a ho-hum dinner - nothing special. Then he started watching t.v. Maybe a card would appear at the dinner table. Nope.

So I presented him with my cake and card. He claims he forgot. My psychologist told me that this is two things: my AH is "sending me a message" and he is displaying "totally insane alcoholic behavior" and should run - not walk - to the nearest therapist.

Of all the crummy/abusive things he's done this one is the ultimate.

P.S. - He even told his boss back in July we were leaving for Hawaii on September 19 to have the honeymoon we never got to have. Well as of today, I'm sitting at work typing this so I sure as sh** ain't in Hawaii! My AH told me he let the plans fall by the wayside because I didn't want to board our pets. HUH????? Talk about trying to slither out of a major mess!!!

I guess the rational move on my part should be to go see an attorney. I hate living in Arizona (moved here in July), but it IS a community property state (as in 50/50 split of marital assets).

Thanks for letting me vent.

Gabe

Prodigal, I'm sorry he forgot.
It hurts when they forget our special days.

walkingtheline

(((Prodigal)))

chrisea

ah I don't know what the rational decision is... but have been in that Place... I tried to celebrate the 6th month (cause I heard the cake top gets dry tasting) heck, anytime to get things happy in this life, is a bonus. Anyhow, I cooked a special dinner and he wanted to be grumpy and watch Mon nite football. So then when the 1 yr anniv. came, I had to convince, plead, Etc! to get him to even take me for a meal out... only for him to act like he was getting tortured being there (those are the good memories I rem.) Forget that he even remembered what that day was for. So then for the next 11 yrs, I even forgot what day it was. I had the attorney laughing, cause I didn't know what the wedding date was, had to call her back when I read it on the marriage lic, at home.

I know of a few couples that actually don't have to remind the husband of ANYTHING!! These men, come home with flowers, gifts, maybe jewelry, and a night out to eat, even after 30 or 40 Years. This is for not only their anniver. but for Christmas and birthday. They cuddle on the couch, hold hands, go on trips together... Gee, I Wonder why they like to have them around... I would still be there also, if even one of my x's were like that... The women to these men, might have comments like: He is My Best Friend... Even knew of a gfriend's mother, who on her 2nd marriage, Had this problem ~ when they were out shopping, She had to watch what she said. Cause if she told him something was nice (just remarking)... She would have it the Next day... (gfriend remarked, wouldn't you think More Women would like to have this problem) I think those kind are either long married, or have passed on...

Minx1969

Prodigal -

sorry to hear about him missing your anniversery and I'm really sorry to hear you hate Arizona (I've been hear over 8 years and I love it)..Arizona grows on you - specially when we don't have the hot weather..

There is a great Alanon 3 Legacies Forum this weekend (Saturday) in Tempe. Some really good speakers - just PM me if you want more information..I'm not sure where in AZ you live..

Chrisea - There are great guys out there.. I'm dating one..he spent 3 hours last night programming my new MP3 player he bought me for our 3 month anniversary..Talk about a sweetheart! He knew it would make me happy..

chrisea

Minx, If you are in the younger group, 30 or under (might stretch it to 40), good men are out there... Don't wait too long, they tend to be placed in the recycle bin... And there are reasons... they are there.

Minx1969

Chrisea -

He's 35, I'm 36..neither of us have been married before..Looking for red flags..and haven't found any yet..

He's just selective about who he dates and who he wants to marry..me I've been spinning my wheels dating all sorts of sick ones (my picker was broken before now)..

Minx

chrisea

Minx, I hope the best for you, I think the good relationships are between ~ two Givers.

I thought, before..., that how hard would it be to find a good guy, to have someone that appreciates, helps, to be there... for each other. Esp, when others have this. Well needless to say, that thought has been Long Gone... I'm old enough to know, about reality... that even these couples have disagreements, etc. But they work it out, compromise, It's Not a One Way street. With one person trying and the other, well nuf said here...

I know that I don't have a good sense of a picker. Seen on tv, where women, mainly over 50, were chatting about being single and loving it... The one said, someone extraordinary would have to come along...

Savana 54

((prodigal))

I'm sorry. Remember to take care of YOU!

Minx1969

Chrisea,

I think no matter what age or stage of your life - you need to love your life as it is..Accept it for all the good stuff and the bad and enjoy the most of it..Find your passion..

I wasn't looking for anyone when I met my current boyfriend..I was working my program, enjoying my life and accepting that at 36 I may not get married or have kids..Had a level of acceptance..Didn't really want to date..and then BOOM! He shows up..I felt that he was different then the other relationships and I was right..I'm glad I took the chance..

Funny you said that about relationships being good between two givers..I totally agree!!! My boyfriend and I talk about that alot..it was one of his 5 qualities in a woman that he was looking for..I know that I have 4 out of the 5 so far..(he is still mum on the 5th)..Anyway - this is what he was looking for: 1) a giver 2)someone who is flexible 3)someone who is honest and has integrity 4) someone who gets along with his mom

I was amazed that there was a guy out there that had given it so much thought!